LovebirdsFlying
My husband drew this cartoon of me.
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Long story.
As a person with a disability, I am a client of Vocational Rehabilitation, working toward gainful employment. In the phase known as "community assessment," I am working at a temporary volunteer position, while a job coach from a supportive employment agency observes me. At this position I need to dress business casual, which is not as stiff as business formal, but it isn't just "come as you are." Everything from my job skills to my personal appearance is being evaluated, so the supportive agency can help me work on whatever I need to work on, before we start looking for paid employment.
In addition, it has taken me 3 years to do it, but I have lost somewhere between 40 and 50 pounds. (That's roughly 18 to 24 kilos, for those of you on metric. I don't know the exact number because I haven't weighed in several weeks.) This translates to several dress sizes. I'm finding that I can not quite yet, but alllmmmost fit into clothing that does NOT come from the Plus Size department. I've been gradually replacing my wardrobe for both of the above reasons; to acquire professional looking clothes, in smaller sizes. I am also more careful about styling my hair and putting on tasteful makeup and jewelry, since as noted, my personal appearance is being evaluated.
Today after work, I went shopping, still in my business attire with my hair and makeup in place. As I waited for the bus home, I noticed a group of women waiting for the same bus. All of them were obese, to varying degrees of morbidity, and all sloppily dressed. We are in the only part of the nation that has not been experiencing a heat wave, but it is warm for this climate. The ladies wore plain, squared off T shirts and stretch knit elastic-waist shorts. Nothing matched or coordinated. The biggest had her abdomen hanging out for all to see, because her T shirt wasn't large enough to cover her. All of them had wash-and-wear short hair cuts, and none were accessorizing or using makeup to their advantage. I'm not saying these ladies were unattractive. They weren't, or at least they didn't have to be. To their credit, they were clean, and there were no stains or rips in their clothing. As they spoke to each other, it was obvious they are friendly and intelligent. They are not bummy or trashy people. It seemed as if they simply didn't care what they looked like, and maybe they didn't.
My first thought, "That used to be me."
My next thought was to feel terribly guilty for comparing myself to them, and coming out in favor of myself. I'm still learning exactly where self-esteem leaves off, and arrogance takes over. I don't ever want to be conceited.
But I thought further about how things were for me, when I used to go out in public like that. So I prayed. "God, I don't know their stories, but if they're struggling with anything like the things I've struggled with, then please bring them out of it, just as You have done for me."
Yet I'm still telling myself that I was judgmental in my thoughts, and rather than feel good about the long way I've come, I should feel bad for thinking to myself that I looked better than they did.
What is your opinion? Was I wrong?
As a person with a disability, I am a client of Vocational Rehabilitation, working toward gainful employment. In the phase known as "community assessment," I am working at a temporary volunteer position, while a job coach from a supportive employment agency observes me. At this position I need to dress business casual, which is not as stiff as business formal, but it isn't just "come as you are." Everything from my job skills to my personal appearance is being evaluated, so the supportive agency can help me work on whatever I need to work on, before we start looking for paid employment.
In addition, it has taken me 3 years to do it, but I have lost somewhere between 40 and 50 pounds. (That's roughly 18 to 24 kilos, for those of you on metric. I don't know the exact number because I haven't weighed in several weeks.) This translates to several dress sizes. I'm finding that I can not quite yet, but alllmmmost fit into clothing that does NOT come from the Plus Size department. I've been gradually replacing my wardrobe for both of the above reasons; to acquire professional looking clothes, in smaller sizes. I am also more careful about styling my hair and putting on tasteful makeup and jewelry, since as noted, my personal appearance is being evaluated.
Today after work, I went shopping, still in my business attire with my hair and makeup in place. As I waited for the bus home, I noticed a group of women waiting for the same bus. All of them were obese, to varying degrees of morbidity, and all sloppily dressed. We are in the only part of the nation that has not been experiencing a heat wave, but it is warm for this climate. The ladies wore plain, squared off T shirts and stretch knit elastic-waist shorts. Nothing matched or coordinated. The biggest had her abdomen hanging out for all to see, because her T shirt wasn't large enough to cover her. All of them had wash-and-wear short hair cuts, and none were accessorizing or using makeup to their advantage. I'm not saying these ladies were unattractive. They weren't, or at least they didn't have to be. To their credit, they were clean, and there were no stains or rips in their clothing. As they spoke to each other, it was obvious they are friendly and intelligent. They are not bummy or trashy people. It seemed as if they simply didn't care what they looked like, and maybe they didn't.
My first thought, "That used to be me."
My next thought was to feel terribly guilty for comparing myself to them, and coming out in favor of myself. I'm still learning exactly where self-esteem leaves off, and arrogance takes over. I don't ever want to be conceited.
But I thought further about how things were for me, when I used to go out in public like that. So I prayed. "God, I don't know their stories, but if they're struggling with anything like the things I've struggled with, then please bring them out of it, just as You have done for me."
Yet I'm still telling myself that I was judgmental in my thoughts, and rather than feel good about the long way I've come, I should feel bad for thinking to myself that I looked better than they did.
What is your opinion? Was I wrong?
