- Jul 29, 2008
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I was feeling very down tonight, and needed my Jesus so much. Its so easy to lose focus on the Spiritual things and look to the things of flesh. I write my feelings and what I was saying and what Jesus told me.
Sometimes I feel I am a fool for God, is this normal ?
I have no knowledge like the knowledge of those that have been in God for so long, I am not full of bible quotes or have a base to pull knowledge from. I am just me, a guy of no value in the world. I am not special, I am not a prophet, I am not a preacher, nor am I a saviour of some kind. I am just a bloke, that lives in a city much like yours. I have a family and feel the pain of life as you do.
Some think because I say I hear Jesus speaking to my Spirit, that I am a self professed holy man. Far from it, I am not self professed anything. What I am is a fool for God, I stand up and speak out on the things He tells me, without the proof or without the knowledge to tell me 'thats sounds true'.
I just hear Him and speak of what I hear, yes I know little scripture, yes I have limited wisdom other than what Jesus tells me. But I speak it without fear, but not without pain.
In the normal sense of the world, to write about what Jesus tells me, goes against what I would naturally do. I tell you the truth, I am a lower school drop out, never learnt to read or write as many do, failed in all things and was ridiculed at school and at home everyday. Yes Jesus helped me to learn in my time of growth in Him, yet still its not what it should be, but I can now do the basics.
So I tell you in all truth, writting in these forums and reading is not my first choice. I still suffer fear of rejection and ridicule because of my level of knowledge, its a wound I carry from my youth. So why do I write? What drives me to write, knowing all the time someone will know a scripture that will leave me without answers until I ask the Lord.
I write because its not about Jesus, its not about me, it is about you. What I write is all about others, for others.
Sometimes, I wonder if its not best if I just keep these things to myself, yet my Spirit inside me says NO. So you see, I fight the flesh as another man does.
Yes I am not wise in this world, nor do I speak with poetic words as one who mastered the english languege. But what I do do is speak and write what I am asked to write without the proof, I trust it and I trust in Him. That makes me a fool in Him, yet in this the idea of being a fool for anyone is not my natural choice, as I lived with being a fool and they are memories I wish to forget.
But how can I say no to Jesus, could you say no to Jesus? No, I can't say no to Him. I love Him to much. All I can do is as He asked of me, to write and speak of what He tells me. Why I hear Him, I don't know, is it that He is with God and God can do as God wishes. Is it that I have little knowledge and this makes it easier to hear, I have no idea why, but why waste time working that out, will it change anything, I think not.
You may think of me as you wish, I can't stop you, you can say all things bad about me, you can judge me. I leave that in His hands. Its as Jesus said to me "Some hear and some don't" I can't help it if some don't hear what is written, all I can do is speak. Freedom is not for every man, some birds are in cages and even though the cage is opened some birds will not fly away. I pray to the Lord my way, by just talking to Him as though He is real standing next to me. The Lord hears me and answers me the same way. We just talk, is that wrong to just talk? At least I treat Him like a real person, not like some forgotten ghost that once was. At least I see His blood and smell it fresh everyday, keeping my mind in check that He suffered for me. At least I hear his groaning in pain from the whip, which keeps my body in check that when I fail to turn to Him and hear Him its more painfull to Him than the whip.
Jesus I am lost, I fail to know why I write these things, the time it takes me, the hours I spend writting this stuff, when people don't care for it. Yet you say to me write, so I write and write and write, yet I feel it is no use at all.
Jesus said to me "Raymond, I would like you to give ear to this story, clear your mind of the troubles of the day for a moment. There were two men, one was a carpenter the other a fisherman, the King called both men to Him and gave them an order, each one had a duty to carry out. The King told the carpenter to get some nets and go catch some fish. He told the fisherman to go and make Him a table of solid oak. Both men confused and worried set out to do as ordered. The fisherman could not make a table, so he sat in the workshop and worried all day. The carpenter did not know how to fish with nets, so he made a pole from wood and made a rod with line. The carpenter caught very few fish with his rod. Which of these men did as he was asked?"
I said 'The carpenter, even though he did not use a net as ordered, but he still caught some fish'
Jesus said "Yes, he lacked knowledge so he used what he had and still caught some fish, this is like you, you may not be using a net, but you are catching a few fish. A few fish is better than none.
I know your feelings in this, I know you get down. I see the pain of your past and know what it means to you to write when asked to. You say your not special, but I have news for you, you are special. You can't see this and that is good for now, be of good cheer and know we are watching over you. I have told you before, you will not reach everyone, not even I could do that. So don't let a little rejection get you down. If they said bad things of me, how much more will they say it of you."
I said "Lord, I just get down over it, maybe I should just read and study the Bible first, a Christian said to me that we have to in order to know and have wisdom."
Jesus said "All this time hearing me, and now you would turn to human knowledge in order to learn to make happy other men, if I wanted man of wisdom I have many to choose from. Its not wisdom of human flesh I am after, but love from a heart of gold. You put yourself down far to much. Let me explain this simple truth to you. I love you because you love me, your love has reached me and I feel it from the private place you have for me. I know you feel down, and confused over some issues, I feel the weight of it in your heart. This is why I gave you that gift the other day. Use it in times like these. Our Father could raise an army from stones to carry out His work, He could turn wood into poeple to worship Him the right way. But He calls people like you, because only the Father knows real love and real love is what real poeple give. We do not what robots all doing the same thing, we want you as you are to come to us in freedom to have a relationship with us based in love simply because of love. Love is the very center of the power in the Father, love begets new hope, love begets new faith, love begets love and it become endless ever increasing in love, hope and faith."
I said "Lord, i would not turn from you, I was just thinking even if it was wrong thinking. I just don't wan to fail you thats all."
Jesus said "Raymond, I know. You think because it comes from me, you wait to see fireworks, the magic or miracle. Raymond, you live in a relistic world. The miracle is not in us, its in you. You are the miracle, become it. Don't wait for us to do signs and wonders, this was finished when I rose from the dead. You now have the power in you to be the miracle, its been with all of you the day I left you the Holy Spirit. True faith is a miracle in itself, yet even in this miracle more can be acheived. I was not joking when I said "all this and more you can do" Become the miracle and live it as you have been called. If people choose not to hear your words, just wipe the dust from your sandels and move on. I have not called you to debate the issue, I have called you to speak only. This is about faith not training, you all have had more than enough time in training, now it comes down to faith and faith alone. Faith in God your heavenly Father, faith in me, faith in the Holy Spirit and more importantly faith in yourselves, because thats were the power is."
I said "I understand that Lord, but what do I do when someone says to me 'I can't see that in the bible' I mean....
Jesus said "I know what you mean Raymond, let them alone, they are going to run out of conversations when they have read the whole bible or looking only for quotes from the bible. It was written in John the first few lines, The word was.... But they fail to read the last few lines of John with the same power. Not every word was written and recorded, was it that in my time I had very little of importance to say. Every word I spoke was important, even when playing. If you hang onto milk alone how will you grow and become an adult. The written word is milk for babies, but there must come a time when you desire more food to grow, this food comes from the Holy Spirit. There was a time when they brought me bread, I told them "I have food to eat that you do not know about." This is the food you are all called to eat. If they can't eat this food, how will you grow? No they suffer fear, fear of the unknown, what faith is in fear, none. I did not call you to take the road most traveled, I called you to take the road less traveled and its a hard road. Trust and Faith. I tell you in truth I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst. Is it not written "You search the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; and it is they that bear witness about me, yet you refuse to come to me that you may have life".
I said " Lord, I am filled again, I get so upset and lost, yet you always fill me with more hope and joy, it realy is great to come to you and let you know how I feel, you take away my problem and give me new hope. Why do I get so down all the time."
Jesus said "Because you have a limit to what you can take, like a flashlight, it shines bright, but every now and then you must recharge the battery in order for the light to shine. In this know that when the light in you goes dim, its time to talk again."
I said "You know what to say and how to say it, I wish I had that gift. I thank you for your time in helping me tonight. Thank you for your words it helps me see clearly. Lord I pray that you give humanity more time, yet Lord your will be done not mine. Lord i ask you watch over my friends online an be with them, help them see you as I do. Lord I pray for those that say bad things about me and the Holy Spirit, please be gentle to them as they are blind to these things like I once was and still am in many things. Lord I pray for the people in the towns that had earthquakes this week, I pray Lord that I get to see you one day so I may hung you and thank you in a way I know. Lord I love you and thank you for all you have done for me and my family, Amen.
Sometimes I feel I am a fool for God, is this normal ?
I have no knowledge like the knowledge of those that have been in God for so long, I am not full of bible quotes or have a base to pull knowledge from. I am just me, a guy of no value in the world. I am not special, I am not a prophet, I am not a preacher, nor am I a saviour of some kind. I am just a bloke, that lives in a city much like yours. I have a family and feel the pain of life as you do.
Some think because I say I hear Jesus speaking to my Spirit, that I am a self professed holy man. Far from it, I am not self professed anything. What I am is a fool for God, I stand up and speak out on the things He tells me, without the proof or without the knowledge to tell me 'thats sounds true'.
I just hear Him and speak of what I hear, yes I know little scripture, yes I have limited wisdom other than what Jesus tells me. But I speak it without fear, but not without pain.
In the normal sense of the world, to write about what Jesus tells me, goes against what I would naturally do. I tell you the truth, I am a lower school drop out, never learnt to read or write as many do, failed in all things and was ridiculed at school and at home everyday. Yes Jesus helped me to learn in my time of growth in Him, yet still its not what it should be, but I can now do the basics.
So I tell you in all truth, writting in these forums and reading is not my first choice. I still suffer fear of rejection and ridicule because of my level of knowledge, its a wound I carry from my youth. So why do I write? What drives me to write, knowing all the time someone will know a scripture that will leave me without answers until I ask the Lord.
I write because its not about Jesus, its not about me, it is about you. What I write is all about others, for others.
Sometimes, I wonder if its not best if I just keep these things to myself, yet my Spirit inside me says NO. So you see, I fight the flesh as another man does.
Yes I am not wise in this world, nor do I speak with poetic words as one who mastered the english languege. But what I do do is speak and write what I am asked to write without the proof, I trust it and I trust in Him. That makes me a fool in Him, yet in this the idea of being a fool for anyone is not my natural choice, as I lived with being a fool and they are memories I wish to forget.
But how can I say no to Jesus, could you say no to Jesus? No, I can't say no to Him. I love Him to much. All I can do is as He asked of me, to write and speak of what He tells me. Why I hear Him, I don't know, is it that He is with God and God can do as God wishes. Is it that I have little knowledge and this makes it easier to hear, I have no idea why, but why waste time working that out, will it change anything, I think not.
You may think of me as you wish, I can't stop you, you can say all things bad about me, you can judge me. I leave that in His hands. Its as Jesus said to me "Some hear and some don't" I can't help it if some don't hear what is written, all I can do is speak. Freedom is not for every man, some birds are in cages and even though the cage is opened some birds will not fly away. I pray to the Lord my way, by just talking to Him as though He is real standing next to me. The Lord hears me and answers me the same way. We just talk, is that wrong to just talk? At least I treat Him like a real person, not like some forgotten ghost that once was. At least I see His blood and smell it fresh everyday, keeping my mind in check that He suffered for me. At least I hear his groaning in pain from the whip, which keeps my body in check that when I fail to turn to Him and hear Him its more painfull to Him than the whip.
Jesus I am lost, I fail to know why I write these things, the time it takes me, the hours I spend writting this stuff, when people don't care for it. Yet you say to me write, so I write and write and write, yet I feel it is no use at all.
Jesus said to me "Raymond, I would like you to give ear to this story, clear your mind of the troubles of the day for a moment. There were two men, one was a carpenter the other a fisherman, the King called both men to Him and gave them an order, each one had a duty to carry out. The King told the carpenter to get some nets and go catch some fish. He told the fisherman to go and make Him a table of solid oak. Both men confused and worried set out to do as ordered. The fisherman could not make a table, so he sat in the workshop and worried all day. The carpenter did not know how to fish with nets, so he made a pole from wood and made a rod with line. The carpenter caught very few fish with his rod. Which of these men did as he was asked?"
I said 'The carpenter, even though he did not use a net as ordered, but he still caught some fish'
Jesus said "Yes, he lacked knowledge so he used what he had and still caught some fish, this is like you, you may not be using a net, but you are catching a few fish. A few fish is better than none.
I know your feelings in this, I know you get down. I see the pain of your past and know what it means to you to write when asked to. You say your not special, but I have news for you, you are special. You can't see this and that is good for now, be of good cheer and know we are watching over you. I have told you before, you will not reach everyone, not even I could do that. So don't let a little rejection get you down. If they said bad things of me, how much more will they say it of you."
I said "Lord, I just get down over it, maybe I should just read and study the Bible first, a Christian said to me that we have to in order to know and have wisdom."
Jesus said "All this time hearing me, and now you would turn to human knowledge in order to learn to make happy other men, if I wanted man of wisdom I have many to choose from. Its not wisdom of human flesh I am after, but love from a heart of gold. You put yourself down far to much. Let me explain this simple truth to you. I love you because you love me, your love has reached me and I feel it from the private place you have for me. I know you feel down, and confused over some issues, I feel the weight of it in your heart. This is why I gave you that gift the other day. Use it in times like these. Our Father could raise an army from stones to carry out His work, He could turn wood into poeple to worship Him the right way. But He calls people like you, because only the Father knows real love and real love is what real poeple give. We do not what robots all doing the same thing, we want you as you are to come to us in freedom to have a relationship with us based in love simply because of love. Love is the very center of the power in the Father, love begets new hope, love begets new faith, love begets love and it become endless ever increasing in love, hope and faith."
I said "Lord, i would not turn from you, I was just thinking even if it was wrong thinking. I just don't wan to fail you thats all."
Jesus said "Raymond, I know. You think because it comes from me, you wait to see fireworks, the magic or miracle. Raymond, you live in a relistic world. The miracle is not in us, its in you. You are the miracle, become it. Don't wait for us to do signs and wonders, this was finished when I rose from the dead. You now have the power in you to be the miracle, its been with all of you the day I left you the Holy Spirit. True faith is a miracle in itself, yet even in this miracle more can be acheived. I was not joking when I said "all this and more you can do" Become the miracle and live it as you have been called. If people choose not to hear your words, just wipe the dust from your sandels and move on. I have not called you to debate the issue, I have called you to speak only. This is about faith not training, you all have had more than enough time in training, now it comes down to faith and faith alone. Faith in God your heavenly Father, faith in me, faith in the Holy Spirit and more importantly faith in yourselves, because thats were the power is."
I said "I understand that Lord, but what do I do when someone says to me 'I can't see that in the bible' I mean....
Jesus said "I know what you mean Raymond, let them alone, they are going to run out of conversations when they have read the whole bible or looking only for quotes from the bible. It was written in John the first few lines, The word was.... But they fail to read the last few lines of John with the same power. Not every word was written and recorded, was it that in my time I had very little of importance to say. Every word I spoke was important, even when playing. If you hang onto milk alone how will you grow and become an adult. The written word is milk for babies, but there must come a time when you desire more food to grow, this food comes from the Holy Spirit. There was a time when they brought me bread, I told them "I have food to eat that you do not know about." This is the food you are all called to eat. If they can't eat this food, how will you grow? No they suffer fear, fear of the unknown, what faith is in fear, none. I did not call you to take the road most traveled, I called you to take the road less traveled and its a hard road. Trust and Faith. I tell you in truth I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst. Is it not written "You search the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; and it is they that bear witness about me, yet you refuse to come to me that you may have life".
I said " Lord, I am filled again, I get so upset and lost, yet you always fill me with more hope and joy, it realy is great to come to you and let you know how I feel, you take away my problem and give me new hope. Why do I get so down all the time."
Jesus said "Because you have a limit to what you can take, like a flashlight, it shines bright, but every now and then you must recharge the battery in order for the light to shine. In this know that when the light in you goes dim, its time to talk again."
I said "You know what to say and how to say it, I wish I had that gift. I thank you for your time in helping me tonight. Thank you for your words it helps me see clearly. Lord I pray that you give humanity more time, yet Lord your will be done not mine. Lord i ask you watch over my friends online an be with them, help them see you as I do. Lord I pray for those that say bad things about me and the Holy Spirit, please be gentle to them as they are blind to these things like I once was and still am in many things. Lord I pray for the people in the towns that had earthquakes this week, I pray Lord that I get to see you one day so I may hung you and thank you in a way I know. Lord I love you and thank you for all you have done for me and my family, Amen.
