Feeling Down about a would-be anniversary

[tryingtobeagain]

Ok, so most of you know my story but my would-be anniversary is comming up and I don't know what to do. I'm feeling down about it because the whole situation makes me sad, not because I'm missing him or anything. I'm completely over him after being separated for 9 months with almost no contact. I just feel sad because I feel like this is not how it was supposed to be. I don't think I'm supposed to be alone but I know I shouldn't be wiht someone like him. I just wanted a traditional christian marriage and I now want to skip that day on the calendar. How did everyone else handle this kind of thing??

 

[yourinnervoice]

Hi Joi -

My 20+ years anniversary was a few weeks ago and it was SO hard! The worst part was that it was on a Saturday and we were both off. So, we knew what SHOULD be happening! I always took her somewhere, to other states sometimes.
Even the days and weeks coming up to that date were pretty stressful!
Well, the day has come and gone and we made it thru.

I pray God give you the strength to make it thru!

 

[tryingtobeagain]

Thanks,
For the past few years we have been going to NY for the 4th of July together and this was the first year I didn't go... it was really sad and leading up to our anniversary so I'm just hoping to pass over the day. I don't imagine it will be so easy though.

 

[yourinnervoice]

It won't be easy! It usually isn't!

My biggest battle was that I would DWELL on the "what should've been" or what we would've been doing.

Don't DWELL on it! OK? You are in my prayers!!

 

[deliciousBass]

This is a little off topic but from what I've heard from people at the divorce support group I used to attend, your body also supposedly "remembers" when the anniversaries of stressful times come around.

Like, my group leader would say that for the first few years after her divorce, every Fall would really suck for her because that was when all the bad things in her marriage happened (found out about drug usage, husband cheating, husband having pregnant girlfriend, husband's addictions) and so supposedly even when she hadn't been thinking about it, she would be depressed. I mean, I believe it's possible, the mind is a mysterious thing but I think she was probably thinking about it.

Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is that don't be surprised if you feel down for various reasons throughout the healing process even when you for the most part feel that you're "over" your ex. I'm waiting to see what will happen to me when September 12 rolls around-- that will mark my 1st year (and hopefully only year, cuz she should file for divorce soon after) of separation.

Hmm....speaking of which, I'm not so sure if you are really "over" your ex as much as you are just accepting of the fact that he's gone and you two will eventually be divorced. I don't think it's possible to heal completely after just nine months separation... but if you really have, clue me in cuz I wanna know how you did it.

 

[tryingtobeagain]

I'm over him. I know there is now way under any circumstance I would ever try to work things out at this point. I know I'm not over the pain of having made the decision to marry him. He completely lied just to get me to the alter and I feel stupid for falling for it. I still feel embarassment over the things he's done to me but as far as wanting him... completely over. I think that has helped alot to help me get over him. I never really knew who he was because he lied about everything. I can't really be in love with a person I know nothing about.

 

[faith177]

I lucked out and had a friend visiting that only comes once a month and then keeps me very busy while she is here. In fact I didnt even remember that it was the anniversary until the next day. So my advice is to keep yourself busy, when those thoughts come do something else. The mind is an incredibly powerful force we can choose to let the thoughts sit and fester or we can kick them out every time they come in.

 

[FLANDIDLYANDERS]

Mines coming up... 7th year anny of 25th July. But yer know, since being divorced, it will also be my 2nd month anny of singleness! Which far outshines it I got divorced on a "25th" for a reason!

 

[tryingtobeagain]

Great idea Flan!

Today's the day, and I've been busy most of the day. I've been thinking about it and remembering how happy I was, but I'm getting through it because I keep reminding myself how much he lied to get me there... thanks for listening...