feeling depressed....need support

[wonderwoman]

I suffer from bipolar disorder. I'm on meds but i still have symptoms though they are less severe than if i wasn't on meds. I'm on disability and haven't held a full time job for about 6 yrs. or so.

I don't know how to cope when i slip into depression. Small tasks seem monumental and i get really anxious to have to leave the house. Feel this feeling of dread if i leave home.

I thought i was finally going to be better since i started on effexor and it seemed to really lift me out of a depression, but last week my pet died and i was also menstruating, so i think those 2 things combined triggered off a depressed episode. Can your period cause bipolars to get depressed? Why?

As for my pet thing.....it was a pet rat that i was close to, but i'm not that torn up about it on a psychological level since i knew she was going to die. I mean, it's not like the emotional pain i would feel if say one of my dogs died whom i'm exremely bonded with. I did cry when my rat died in my arms, but it wasn't something that caused me a lot of emotional pain later on. Know what i mean?

I'm wondering if the very act of crying (since i'm not a cryer normally) triggered stuff in my brain. i'm just confused....i don't understand why/how certain triggers (environmental circumstances) causes these episodes. I feel like such a pathetic weakling. The minute i feel the pressure of having to do something that entails responsibility type tasks (paying bills, running errands etc), i crumble and want to hide. All i can do to cope is escape through tv. I don't want to see or talk to anyone besides my boyfriend. If it wasn't for my dogs to have to go out to pee, i'd totally avoid leaving my house all together. When i take them out, i feel like everyone can see what i am. i just feel this sense of shame, so i try to take them out at night. I know this is irrational, but it's what i feel.
just wanted to come here and talk to other people who understand what i feel. thanx for listening

 

[Soulwings]

Wonderwoman I'm sorry to hear about what you are going through... sounds like you have a pretty bad case of anxiety on top of bipolar. I take it that you are seeing a psych since you are on meds? are you in therapy? bc I would highly suggest that - I think that it would help a lot to get some of the problems that may be behind your anxiety and fear of being in public figured out, even if it's just between you and your T.

I have been in therapy for 3 years and it's really helped me a lot. I mean, it's hard to talk about issues that you don't want to talk about, but just getting them out, as you have in this post, can help you to not feel so anxious and frustrated with yourself.

One thing - you are not a pathetic weakling. You have an illness, and it is one that is very difficult to deal with healthily. Don't beat yourself up over having difficulties doing things that may seem easy to "normal" people. Bipolar and anxiety cause things like that to become very challenging. I know that I often get frustrated about simple things, like studying for an exam (i.e., focusing), bc I tend to blow things completely out of proportion.

Yes, I think/know that periods can trigger bipolar episodes. Your hormones are messed up then (sort of) and any natural imbalance can set off an "unnatural" imbalance, like bipolar. Depression often comes with periods, even in "normal" people, and it would only be more exaggerated in someone with bipolar. It happens to me. So don't worry about that... and I understand what you mean about your pet rat. That had to be hard. (I have a hamster and I don't want to think about her dying... it wouldn't cause an emotional crash for me but that may contribute partially to a depressive episode, why I don't know, perhaps just bc I am attached to her. I hope that makes sense!)

What coping mechanisms do you have for when things get bad? anything besides watching tv? and don't be ashamed of what you feel... it may not be understood by some people, but others do and will understand... it is a matter of perspective, whether or not the person understands mental illness. I hope that makes sense!!

 

[Alive again]

I suffer from bipolar disorder. I'm on meds but i still have symptoms though they are less severe than if i wasn't on meds. I'm on disability and haven't held a full time job for about 6 yrs. or so.

I don't know how to cope when i slip into depression. Small tasks seem monumental and i get really anxious to have to leave the house. Feel this feeling of dread if i leave home.

I thought i was finally going to be better since i started on effexor and it seemed to really lift me out of a depression, but last week my pet died and i was also menstruating, so i think those 2 things combined triggered off a depressed episode. Can your period cause bipolars to get depressed? Why?

As for my pet thing.....it was a pet rat that i was close to, but i'm not that torn up about it on a psychological level since i knew she was going to die. I mean, it's not like the emotional pain i would feel if say one of my dogs died whom i'm exremely bonded with. I did cry when my rat died in my arms, but it wasn't something that caused me a lot of emotional pain later on. Know what i mean?

I'm wondering if the very act of crying (since i'm not a cryer normally) triggered stuff in my brain. i'm just confused....i don't understand why/how certain triggers (environmental circumstances) causes these episodes. I feel like such a pathetic weakling. The minute i feel the pressure of having to do something that entails responsibility type tasks (paying bills, running errands etc), i crumble and want to hide. All i can do to cope is escape through tv. I don't want to see or talk to anyone besides my boyfriend. If it wasn't for my dogs to have to go out to pee, i'd totally avoid leaving my house all together. When i take them out, i feel like everyone can see what i am. i just feel this sense of shame, so i try to take them out at night. I know this is irrational, but it's what i feel.
just wanted to come here and talk to other people who understand what i feel. thanx for listening

Oh yeah, we understand! I have been doing very well. Just got a job after being on SSDI since 1996 or so, stabilizing out nicely. BIG interview on Tuesday for another very nice job (2nd round Monday over Telephone, THIRD round Tuesday with a five person panel) I got a bad haircut yesterday-this type of thing usually I can let roll off-yesterday it totllay undid me. I had to warn my hubby when he got home that I was on the warpath and to be very carefully or I would blow into one of my manic rages. NOW if that isn't stupid to be totally undo by a haircut!!! Made me question this whole idea of going back to work and the stress it will add back to my life! So yeah, we can relate!

I do believe that emotion can trigger more emotion, sometime sin a healing way, sometimes in a way that cascades out of control for us. And You are so right that our feelings can lie to us!

Saying a prayer for you!

 

[wonderwoman]

Wonderwoman I'm sorry to hear about what you are going through... sounds like you have a pretty bad case of anxiety on top of bipolar. I take it that you are seeing a psych since you are on meds? are you in therapy? bc I would highly suggest that - I think that it would help a lot to get some of the problems that may be behind your anxiety and fear of being in public figured out, even if it's just between you and your T.

I have been in therapy for 3 years and it's really helped me a lot. I mean, it's hard to talk about issues that you don't want to talk about, but just getting them out, as you have in this post, can help you to not feel so anxious and frustrated with yourself.

One thing - you are not a pathetic weakling. You have an illness, and it is one that is very difficult to deal with healthily. Don't beat yourself up over having difficulties doing things that may seem easy to "normal" people. Bipolar and anxiety cause things like that to become very challenging. I know that I often get frustrated about simple things, like studying for an exam (i.e., focusing), bc I tend to blow things completely out of proportion.

Yes, I think/know that periods can trigger bipolar episodes. Your hormones are messed up then (sort of) and any natural imbalance can set off an "unnatural" imbalance, like bipolar. Depression often comes with periods, even in "normal" people, and it would only be more exaggerated in someone with bipolar. It happens to me. So don't worry about that... and I understand what you mean about your pet rat. That had to be hard. (I have a hamster and I don't want to think about her dying... it wouldn't cause an emotional crash for me but that may contribute partially to a depressive episode, why I don't know, perhaps just bc I am attached to her. I hope that makes sense!)

What coping mechanisms do you have for when things get bad? anything besides watching tv? and don't be ashamed of what you feel... it may not be understood by some people, but others do and will understand... it is a matter of perspective, whether or not the person understands mental illness. I hope that makes sense!!

No i'm not in therapy. I would like to, but i've just about given up on finding a good therapist. I'm on disability and my insurance is medicaid and medicare and so the therapists that are available to me (that take my insurance) suck. In my area, the only therapists that accept my insurance are in clinic type places. These are state and not private so the therapists that i've tried out are either fresh out of college, wacky new age therapists or well intended older therapists that are overloaded with too many patients. No christian therapists in my area accept insurance which i don't understand why. A church i was going to once gave me free sessions with one of their therapists, but i stopped going because this counselor seemed to not believe that bp was a real organic disorder. In other words, if i was experiencing an episode she kept trying to find a psychological reason for it and just didn't want to accept that it was something chemical. She even once supported me to get off my meds during a mania where i was denial that i was manic or BP (which is something i tend to believe when manic) and when i got off all my meds, i went into a severe depression and felt suicidal. After this last therapist, i just gave up looking. There was this one place i found about 30 min. away that i really liked and accepted my insurance. It was a christian place, but they were also experienced with bp disorder and saw it as a chemical thing. The one therapist i met with (who i only saw once) spoke to me about cognitive therapy, but i wasn't able to return since my car broke down and i had no way of getting there. (I can only get there via highway--no mass transit will get me there.)

If i'm ever able to afford a car, i would like to go there, but for now i just see a Dr. who i'm not thrilled with since he hardly even remembers my name or what meds i'm taking. I have to remind him. He's really old.


I was officially diagnosed about 6 or 7 yrs. ago, during a severe depression but have been suffering from BPD for several yrs. before. I just didn't know what was wrong with me back then and didn't notice/recognize the patterns of the cycles.

As for coping. When depressed i don't know what else i could do to find some sense of relief besides tv or sleep. What else could i do to cope? I do try to force myself to pray, but i just end up getting numb and catatonic. Before i was on meds, i used to cry over any little thing, but now that i'm on meds, i don't feel any urge to cry really unless i talk to someone about my feelings.

 

[EverMoreMyHeart]

I just wanted to say that im praying for you. My mom is bipolar, I have seen her go through a lot of depression. I am here if you want to vent or anything.

 

[wonderwoman]

Wonderwoman I'm sorry to hear about what you are going through... sounds like you have a pretty bad case of anxiety on top of bipolar. I take it that you are seeing a psych since you are on meds? are you in therapy? bc I would highly suggest that - I think that it would help a lot to get some of the problems that may be behind your anxiety and fear of being in public figured out, even if it's just between you and your T.

I have been in therapy for 3 years and it's really helped me a lot. I mean, it's hard to talk about issues that you don't want to talk about, but just getting them out, as you have in this post, can help you to not feel so anxious and frustrated with yourself.

One thing - you are not a pathetic weakling. You have an illness, and it is one that is very difficult to deal with healthily. Don't beat yourself up over having difficulties doing things that may seem easy to "normal" people. Bipolar and anxiety cause things like that to become very challenging. I know that I often get frustrated about simple things, like studying for an exam (i.e., focusing), bc I tend to blow things completely out of proportion.

Yes, I think/know that periods can trigger bipolar episodes. Your hormones are messed up then (sort of) and any natural imbalance can set off an "unnatural" imbalance, like bipolar. Depression often comes with periods, even in "normal" people, and it would only be more exaggerated in someone with bipolar. It happens to me. So don't worry about that... and I understand what you mean about your pet rat. That had to be hard. (I have a hamster and I don't want to think about her dying... it wouldn't cause an emotional crash for me but that may contribute partially to a depressive episode, why I don't know, perhaps just bc I am attached to her. I hope that makes sense!)

What coping mechanisms do you have for when things get bad? anything besides watching tv? and don't be ashamed of what you feel... it may not be understood by some people, but others do and will understand... it is a matter of perspective, whether or not the person understands mental illness. I hope that makes sense!!

hi,
just wondering what coping mechanisms you have when things get bad.
Are you in therapy? If so, how has that helped you to manage your moods.

 

[thislifewithinmecries]

I suffer from bipolar disorder. I'm on meds but i still have symptoms though they are less severe than if i wasn't on meds. I'm on disability and haven't held a full time job for about 6 yrs. or so.

I don't know how to cope when i slip into depression. Small tasks seem monumental and i get really anxious to have to leave the house. Feel this feeling of dread if i leave home.

I thought i was finally going to be better since i started on effexor and it seemed to really lift me out of a depression, but last week my pet died and i was also menstruating, so i think those 2 things combined triggered off a depressed episode. Can your period cause bipolars to get depressed? Why?

As for my pet thing.....it was a pet rat that i was close to, but i'm not that torn up about it on a psychological level since i knew she was going to die. I mean, it's not like the emotional pain i would feel if say one of my dogs died whom i'm exremely bonded with. I did cry when my rat died in my arms, but it wasn't something that caused me a lot of emotional pain later on. Know what i mean?

I'm wondering if the very act of crying (since i'm not a cryer normally) triggered stuff in my brain. i'm just confused....i don't understand why/how certain triggers (environmental circumstances) causes these episodes. I feel like such a pathetic weakling. The minute i feel the pressure of having to do something that entails responsibility type tasks (paying bills, running errands etc), i crumble and want to hide. All i can do to cope is escape through tv. I don't want to see or talk to anyone besides my boyfriend. If it wasn't for my dogs to have to go out to pee, i'd totally avoid leaving my house all together. When i take them out, i feel like everyone can see what i am. i just feel this sense of shame, so i try to take them out at night. I know this is irrational, but it's what i feel.
just wanted to come here and talk to other people who understand what i feel. thanx for listening

First and foremost, you are not a pathetic weakling. Although it may feel like you are weak (and trust me I know that feeling) you can get yourself through it and that proves you are strong. I am praying for you !

 

[wonderwoman]

Thanx for your prayers everyone...

 

[DoubtingThomas29]

Take care of yourself, and han g in there you'll be alright.