Feeling defeated...

[EmSchmem]

So after reading mstodd's posts about breastfeeding and deciding to stop I am feeling really defeated. It seems to me that people I knoware giving up on breastfeeding with in days of starting and I am really worried that I won't be able to be successful. I really WANT to breastfeed and finanically we NEED for me to breastfeed. I guess I just need some encouragement that I will be able to breastfeed successfully.

 

[JustMandy]

First the bad news...Breastfeeding is hard!! Now the good news, those first few days everything is hard!!! After 2 weeks you can litterally do it in your sleep! I LOVE breastfeeding. It is easy, gives me 20-30 minutes every couple of hours to stop everything else and enjoy my baby, there is no measuring in the middle of the night, checking for supplies in the diaper bag, running out of formula, or washing endless supplies of bottles, nipples, rings and caps. Make a pact to get through the first 14 days (then if you have to the next 14 days...by then you are golden).


Have a support system (even an online SS is great) and a number to a lactation cunsultant to ask questions and you'll do great!

 

[lucypevensie]

I will agree, BFing is pretty hard at times. But remember that God made your body to be able to do this. I'm sure some women genuinely cannot, but It is my humble, humble opinion that the vast majority of people who give it up do not have to, I think they choose to. You might have to really grit your teeth and work through some pain, discomfort, feeling tied-down, excessive leakage, etc. But in most cases it CAN work. There were times that I had to just sit and cry through the pain of a surface cyst (the pain was excruciating, and all I could do was wait for it to break). I really think most women would have thrown in the towel.

It's good you have goals, and the financial necessity of it should encourage you. I always kept that in the back of my mind too, how much $$$$$$$ we were saving by not buying formula.

 

[Picture.Of.Obedience]

Dont quit once you start.

I did and feel wretched about it. (because i am hormonal and emotional)

It is super hard the first few days, and i feel like a loser for giving up.

 

[Katydid]

How long has it been since you stopped, Mstodd? You will still have milk for a while, and can build your supply back up if you really want to.


Emschmem, finances are an awfully good motivator, that is what motivated me with my first. Remember that noone, (none that I know) has ever said, " I wish I would have never breastfed", but I have heard many mothers say, "I wish I would have stuck with it". Now the thing is, it is difficult, but the first time that your baby looks up at you while you are nursing, and grins that big beautiful grin, it makes every minute worth while.

 

[Zoomer]

My advice is if you are having trouble, do not give up. Call the lactation consultants, the hospital, the pediatrician, WIC, whoever you can to help you through. My daugther was a piece of cake, she latched on and was a great feeder. There were painful times, but nothing that couldn't be worked through. My son, however, was a failure of mine. I still feel like I should have tried harder. I ended up bottle feeding him, not like it's horrible, but I regret not breastfeeding. I feel it is the nature and more healthy thing to do.

 

[Leanna]

Well I hope that breastfeeding works out for you. I disagree on "don't quit once you start." You have to take everything one step at a time. mstodd919 it is good that you tried, and later you can remember that you did. Otherwise you would feel guilty about not trying. No matter what you had done, kept breastfeeding, went straight to bottle, you would probably feel just as emotional and tired. It is the nature of that time right after the baby is born. To OP, just do your best. Be glad there IS formula in case something goes wrong. I know someone who stuck with breastfeeding and ended up pumping for 5 months because the baby only wanted the bottle because the baby was given it after her c section. I know people who had virtually no problem with breastfeeding. It depends on a lot of factors including how bad you want to do it. If it is something that is really important to you and and think you will enjoy it then most likely it will go fine for you. At least you know in advance that it is difficult so you can be prepared. The nurses in the hospital will help you.

Don't put the pressure of NEEDING to because of finances. WIC will help you if you are low income. It gives you formula for baby, and healthy food for post partum woman. If you breastfeed it gives you more food for breastfeeding women. You should use it either way to take good care of the baby. I bottle fed and they gave us lots of formula, Similac Advance with Iron. We are lucky to be in this time because the formula is so much better then it was when we were babies.

 

[sjanae76]

This topic really hits home with me right now. I just gave birth to my fourth child on June 10th. I vowed to breastfeed this time and NOT give up so easily, like I did with the other 3. Well, it was going fairly well and then the Post-Partum Depression hit again. I had to start on medication that had potential side-effects for the baby. I feel that I did my best, but I still feel guilty. I wish things could have been different. In my opinion, it was better for my kids to have a sane mother and feed the baby formula rather than a psycho who is breastfeeding.

My advice for you is to do as much research as you can. Get some books from the library. The ones that I found helpful were The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding from La Leche League and bestfeeding How to Breastfeed Your Baby by Renfrew, Fisher and Arms.

You can also find a La Leche League group in your area.

I've read that you should give it 2 weeks, so I hope you can do it. It's a wonderful thing to give your baby. . .and yourself!

 

[ShannonMcCatholic]

So after reading mstodd's posts about breastfeeding and deciding to stop I am feeling really defeated. It seems to me that people I knoware giving up on breastfeeding with in days of starting and I am really worried that I won't be able to be successful. I really WANT to breastfeed and finanically we NEED for me to breastfeed. I guess I just need some encouragement that I will be able to breastfeed successfully.

Find your local La LEche LEague and try to go to a meeting or two-- even if it isn't the place for you(some chapters can be, well, a bit cruchy), the help they can give is invaluable!

 

[ShannonMcCatholic]

Dont quit once you start.

I did and feel wretched about it. (because i am hormonal and emotional)

It is super hard the first few days, and i feel like a loser for giving up.

Listen- there are far greater harms to do a child than to make a decision based on love- and what you felt was right at the time. Don't feel guitly- one of the main reasons so many women do not breastfeed- is that there is a serious lack of support in our culture. We never see women nursing, medical staff often has practices in the hospital which discourage nursing, they send you home with formula 'just in case'--- don't beat yourself up! Just because you bottle feed, doesn't mean you can't give your baby the love and attention and affection that they need. Just love your baby and yourself! God does-- infinitely!

 

[Neenie1]

My advice would be to read up as much as you can about breastfeeding. Expect at least the first few days to be hard (remember the baby is learning to feed too, and learning to suck to get the milk out) Make short term goals, if you can get through one day, then try and get through the next, it is an amazing feeling once the baby finally "gets it" and so does mum.


I managed to feed for 16 mths, at the start it was hard, and it took almost a week to try and get the baby attached properly, the pediatrician was telling me that I would have to formula feed the baby, but with the help of the midwives it was much better.

 

[sara elizabeth]

If at all possible get advice from other mothers who have experience at breastfeeding. Like others have said, don't expect it to be easy the first week or so. If you really want to, chances are that it will go just fine.

One thing that almost made me quit with my first, was, that he wanted to nurse constantly. Because of this, I thought he wasn't getting enough(until we weighed him and he was gaining well). Now, I have learned that newborn babies just have an incredable sucking urge and a great need for skin to skin contact with mom.

Don't worry, you'll do just great.

 

[bliz]

Find your local La LEche LEague and try to go to a meeting or two-- even if it isn't the place for you(some chapters can be, well, a bit cruchy), the help they can give is invaluable!

Amen!

Nobody nows as much about breastfeeding as Le Leche League Moms. Doctors are lucky if they get a 1 hour lecture on the subject. I've met a lactation consultant who did not breastfeed! Find a local chapter and check them out - and be willing to look around for one. I've encountered some chapters that are almost man-hating women clubs, some are all working women, some all stay-at-home-moms, some with mostly Christians, some that are pretty pagan... But they all have the facts and are great sources of encouragement. Sometimes I think one of the best things is that you can see other women nurse. Many Moms give it a try, but have never actually seen it done - that was me, BTW!

LLL groups also have lending libraries!!

The biggest psych-out we do to ourselves is thinking that if it's natural it will all come easily. Sex is natural, but I expect that you and your husband had things to learn about each other, yourselves and about sex.

Biggest (and most painful!!!) mistake of new Moms - they do not put enough of the breast in the baby's mouth. Baby needs not only the nipple but as much of the aerola as possible. Nipple only nursing will not only mean that your husband will have to scrape you off the ceiling, but baby will not get much milk.

DO NOT feel compelled to nurse for an audience. Your mother may long to see her baby nurse her baby, but that can wait until you have it mastered.

Offer baby the breast BEFORE the point of crying. Learn to read the signs of interest that preceed crying - smacking lips, licking, turning their mouth to things that brush their cheeks. O)nce baby is crying and upset, nursiing never goes very well.

I know people often say otherwise, but once baby is latched on to a breast, let 'er go! Let her nurse to her heart's content, and do not switch her to the other breast. Get yourself in a comfortable position, with a large glass of water nearby (bringing you water is the kind of thing people who want to help can do). Baby will get more of the hind milk this way - more fat and calories. Next nursing, use the other breast. Some women say they switch a diaper pin from side ot side, but I was always a little lopsided...

Do not spend a lot of time talking to women who tried but failed about their nursing experiences. When you want to learn how to play piano, you do not talk with someone who only mastered chop sticks. No disrespect to them, and I'm sure they are wonderful people and great friends, but they can't give you much help and support and they may actually, sub conciously, be glad to see someone else not succeed.

I nursed all three of mine. Some of the best years of my life!

 

[katelyn]

It's true that a lot of people try breastfeeding and end up quitting early on. I think if my husband had not been as supportive as he was, I might have given up. Breastfeeding can be hard at first, and dealing with that on top of being exhausted, hormones going all over the place, and adjusting to being a mommy in general, it can be overwhelming. The nicest thing my husband did during the first two weeks was let me sleep at night, waking me up only to feed the baby and then taking care of her if she was fussy or not ready to go to bed. Being well rested can make a huge difference and allow you to put your effort into making it work, as well as help you keep things in perspective.

I guess the hardest thing for me about breastfeeding was that I had heard from many sources that it's not supposed to hurt, and that if it hurts you are doing it wrong. I read up on how to do it and listened carefully to the nurses and lactation consultants at the hospital, who all said I was doing it right, but I still ended up with bruised and even bleeding nipples for the first couple weeks. It's hard to go through that and think that it must mean you are doing something wrong, even though you feel and have even been told you are doing it right. But I think it was because I had somewhat flat nipples and they had to kind of go through a "training" process until they got into the right shape. I doubted myself at times, but things really did get a lot better at the two week mark. Now at 3 months I love breastfeeding my baby and I'm really glad that I am able to do it.

 

[Picture.Of.Obedience]

Listen- there are far greater harms to do a child than to make a decision based on love- and what you felt was right at the time. Don't feel guitly- one of the main reasons so many women do not breastfeed- is that there is a serious lack of support in our culture. We never see women nursing, medical staff often has practices in the hospital which discourage nursing, they send you home with formula 'just in case'--- don't beat yourself up! Just because you bottle feed, doesn't mean you can't give your baby the love and attention and affection that they need. Just love your baby and yourself! God does-- infinitely!

thanks,im starting to feel better about all this

 

[newcreature]

I breastfed all three of my babies, and loved it. It was definately hardest with the first in the beginning, but after about 3 weeks things were looking up. I too attended LLL and also sought out a lactation consultant to help me continue breastfeeding. My mom breastfed me for only a month and then quit. She always said that she wished she had continued. I found it to be a god send for me personally. There is nothing better than the release of prolactin while breastfeeding. This hormone which relaxed me got me through some really hard times. That is another story in itself.

Well, my prayers are with you. Oh, btw, I am not anti bottle feeding. Nursing my babies worked for me.

 

[Princessperky]

I just want to say congrats on trying, it is HARD the first few weeks and it gets darker just before dawn, so the light is a far ways off, but once it breaks, life is good and you can watch the bottle feeders slave over loading up pounds of formula while you wonder out with just a diaper or 10.

Good luck and try to focus on how sweet your little one looks when you finally get it all latched on right, easier said than done if you are still in pain, but it helps .

 

[EmSchmem]

Well I hope that breastfeeding works out for you. I disagree on "don't quit once you start." You have to take everything one step at a time. mstodd919 it is good that you tried, and later you can remember that you did. Otherwise you would feel guilty about not trying. No matter what you had done, kept breastfeeding, went straight to bottle, you would probably feel just as emotional and tired. It is the nature of that time right after the baby is born. To OP, just do your best. Be glad there IS formula in case something goes wrong. I know someone who stuck with breastfeeding and ended up pumping for 5 months because the baby only wanted the bottle because the baby was given it after her c section. I know people who had virtually no problem with breastfeeding. It depends on a lot of factors including how bad you want to do it. If it is something that is really important to you and and think you will enjoy it then most likely it will go fine for you. At least you know in advance that it is difficult so you can be prepared. The nurses in the hospital will help you.

Don't put the pressure of NEEDING to because of finances. WIC will help you if you are low income. It gives you formula for baby, and healthy food for post partum woman. If you breastfeed it gives you more food for breastfeeding women. You should use it either way to take good care of the baby. I bottle fed and they gave us lots of formula, Similac Advance with Iron. We are lucky to be in this time because the formula is so much better then it was when we were babies.

We don't qualify for WIC with my husban'ds new job but at the same time we don't make enough money for anything else either.

 

[JustMandy]

Amen!

Nobody nows as much about breastfeeding as Le Leche League Moms. Doctors are lucky if they get a 1 hour lecture on the subject. I've met a lactation consultant who did not breastfeed! Find a local chapter and check them out - and be willing to look around for one. I've encountered some chapters that are almost man-hating women clubs, some are all working women, some all stay-at-home-moms, some with mostly Christians, some that are pretty pagan... But they all have the facts and are great sources of encouragement. Sometimes I think one of the best things is that you can see other women nurse. Many Moms give it a try, but have never actually seen it done - that was me, BTW!

LLL groups also have lending libraries!!

The biggest psych-out we do to ourselves is thinking that if it's natural it will all come easily. Sex is natural, but I expect that you and your husband had things to learn about each other, yourselves and about sex.

Biggest (and most painful!!!) mistake of new Moms - they do not put enough of the breast in the baby's mouth. Baby needs not only the nipple but as much of the aerola as possible. Nipple only nursing will not only mean that your husband will have to scrape you off the ceiling, but baby will not get much milk.

DO NOT feel compelled to nurse for an audience. Your mother may long to see her baby nurse her baby, but that can wait until you have it mastered.

Offer baby the breast BEFORE the point of crying. Learn to read the signs of interest that preceed crying - smacking lips, licking, turning their mouth to things that brush their cheeks. O)nce baby is crying and upset, nursiing never goes very well.

I know people often say otherwise, but once baby is latched on to a breast, let 'er go! Let her nurse to her heart's content, and do not switch her to the other breast. Get yourself in a comfortable position, with a large glass of water nearby (bringing you water is the kind of thing people who want to help can do). Baby will get more of the hind milk this way - more fat and calories. Next nursing, use the other breast. Some women say they switch a diaper pin from side ot side, but I was always a little lopsided...

Do not spend a lot of time talking to women who tried but failed about their nursing experiences. When you want to learn how to play piano, you do not talk with someone who only mastered chop sticks. No disrespect to them, and I'm sure they are wonderful people and great friends, but they can't give you much help and support and they may actually, sub conciously, be glad to see someone else not succeed.

I nursed all three of mine. Some of the best years of my life!

Best post ever! What great advice! It's good to hear someone else doesn't switch sides, i do only occasionally and always feel like I'm doing it wrong...it's working though (and did for DS #1). I also totally agree with surround yourself with success stories the best you can. Maybe we can start a BF Support thread! I could use a place to complain about sore nipples and cheer on other moms...anyone else??

 

[MyLittleWonders]

I'm game for a bf support thread! I am still nursing my second son (almost 20 months). My first nursed for 9 months and then weaned (long story I can share in another thread), but I want to echo the support suggestion - I would not have had as easy of a time with him if I didn't have support. LLL or a good lactation consultant are invaluable! Also, talk with your husband - tell him your fears and your hopes. See if he'd be willing to, as another posted said, help in the middle of the night getting the baby settled before/after feedings. Also, consider having your baby sleep with you to help those night feedings ... we co-slept for 18 months, and it was so nice to just roll over and nurse. Get some Lansiloh (sp?) or PureLan - it helps cracked/sore nipples a lot. Get a few good nursing bras (I have lived in Bravado! bras for the better part of the last 4 years!). Get a few good absorbant prefold diapers to lay inside your bra or night shirt for the first couple weeks or so ... I know I leaked like there was no tomorrow for a couple of weeks and then no more after that. But definitely, get some good support (and unfortunately, as stated before, the medical establishment isn't the place to do this). You can do this!!! And after those first few awkward, and painful at times, weeks, it is a beautiful thing to do.