I havent really spoken about my abuse. Obviously im made to feel im not allowed and evil and worthless if i even consider it abuse never mind talk about it. That doesnt make it easy and i just wanna stop writing but i have no choice really. I should say something. I wanna write something down.
My family is just wrong. Im not sure i can call it a family. my dad has some serious problems. He has systematically destroyed my life. he has no friends and talks to nobody. i remember him working up until i was about 14 then he stopped. He had no friends then. They could see something was wrong with him emotionally, but none of them did anything.
He hasnt worked since, 7 years now and he doesnt go out. He has nowhere to go and no friends of even family really. Its very sad. He moved out a copule of years back but still came home when every now and then.
He cut me off before i ever had a chance. in reality i never had a chance at life. He is so strange it scares me. I stopped talking when i was 9 and i dont think i have ever spoken since unless i had to. In my family its either denial or hatred. There is no such thing as fun. Its depressing.
They have ruined my life deliberately and thats depressing. Childhood was just a constant battle and a lie to everyone else to protect myself from more bullying. My mum made me lie as well, and made me about my emotions. if i ever looked sad she was horrible to me. It really uset me that. She is narcistic if thats is the right word. She lies to everyone about everything and betrays me whenever she gets a chance. Hates it if i show emotion. She is not human really. neither of them are.
Im at uni now and trying to face up to evrything and actualy start a life for myself using my own opinions and thoughts and not running on abuse like i have been up until now. Its not easy. Nobody else in the world understands.
Anyway i just wrote a bit. Its not supposed to make sense, just helping myself begin talk about it. Write some more soon maybe.
My family is just wrong. Im not sure i can call it a family. my dad has some serious problems. He has systematically destroyed my life. he has no friends and talks to nobody. i remember him working up until i was about 14 then he stopped. He had no friends then. They could see something was wrong with him emotionally, but none of them did anything.
He hasnt worked since, 7 years now and he doesnt go out. He has nowhere to go and no friends of even family really. Its very sad. He moved out a copule of years back but still came home when every now and then.
He cut me off before i ever had a chance. in reality i never had a chance at life. He is so strange it scares me. I stopped talking when i was 9 and i dont think i have ever spoken since unless i had to. In my family its either denial or hatred. There is no such thing as fun. Its depressing.
They have ruined my life deliberately and thats depressing. Childhood was just a constant battle and a lie to everyone else to protect myself from more bullying. My mum made me lie as well, and made me about my emotions. if i ever looked sad she was horrible to me. It really uset me that. She is narcistic if thats is the right word. She lies to everyone about everything and betrays me whenever she gets a chance. Hates it if i show emotion. She is not human really. neither of them are.
Im at uni now and trying to face up to evrything and actualy start a life for myself using my own opinions and thoughts and not running on abuse like i have been up until now. Its not easy. Nobody else in the world understands.
Anyway i just wrote a bit. Its not supposed to make sense, just helping myself begin talk about it. Write some more soon maybe.
