Feel nothing??

[HeartStrings]

Its been almost two years since the birth of our son and I hate admiting this but I feel like I have lost the love I once had for my husband.. its almost as like hes a really great friend and roomate who takes care of us. but as far as feeling that love that passion we once had.. its gone!! sexually for sure. i have grass is greener fantasies.. the what if i didnt marry him thoughts.. this isnt right and I know it..

in june i had a complete melt down with the holy spirit and prayed for the love of my husband to come back into me and prayed for myself to be a better wife.. but it has yet to happen..

where do i go from here. do I just wait it out. I dont know anymore.!

 

[BrBob]

No, waiting it out isn't the answer. Changing your perception of love is part of the answer though. You are OK. Move on in Christ and grow. We all yearn for that which was familiar and when it isn't there anymore we grieve. Your expectations for your marriage sound like they are the same as they were when you first married. They need to grow with you. You have moved past the time of your life when romantic love is the paramount reason for living and being married. Romantic love is temporary and fleeting. The good news though is that it is replaced by something better, and with that 'something better' come periods of romantic love!

Love is a comittment, not a feeling. You are comitted to your marriage, that's evident by your confession of inappropriate thoughts and fantasies and knowing that they're not right. Welcome to life! Everyone has them at one time or another. They may not admit it but they have them.

With a comitted marriage comes comraderie, friendship and romance. Your roles as a wife and mother are sometimes hard to cope with together. They need to be seemingly separated at times but you are always both. It's difficult.

I'd like to recommend this ministry for you. It can be an eye opener. Emerson Eggerichs explains the differences between a husband's and wife's expectations and how much of it is unspoken and unknown. He explains that we need to act on our spouse's needs, not ours, in order for our needs to be met. It's good stuff. Like anything else though, take what is good and don't take the rest. (I'm not unconditionally endorsing this ministry, not because I think there is anything wrong, it's just that I don't know it that comprehensively.)

God bless, and be encouraged!

Bob
Spearfish, SD

 

[Meshavrischika]

I understand and can relate.

I do believe that as we age in our relationships, our quality of love changes (not the quantity... just the type).

That being said, alot of discontent can be caused by problems in the marriage that are unspoken, or needs that are percieved to not be met.

I always try to remember that when my husband does the dishes, he is saying he loves me. And when he offers to do something for me, or let me have free (kidless) time, he is saying he loves me.

No, it's not so demonstrative or passionate anymore, but then life/love should not be centered on passion alone or we'd be like the animals and go where our bodies took us...

Have you talked to your DH? (without accusations or any kind of judgement)

 

[Easyk]

it is interesting, one of the biggest things i have noted and we are dealing with in our relationship is our views on what it should be..

the world has told and does a great deal of damage, i agree fully as to what bob has spoken about.

In our life passian never dissappates, just well one has to be wise and shift it to other times (kids here too). we have noticed that we both need vitamin supplaments (been tested). but also i do the dishes and help out a bit at home.. (my wife is a house wife..) and on weekends i let her sleep in..

being a mother and all it entails is often very tiring, may i suggest that event tho you may be tired and he may be tired that when the moment arrises dont let it pass. dont deny each other, unless for fasting or medical reasons.. it will do far too much negative stuff..

I would also recommend the 5 love languages book, more often then not you dont notice or realise the ways in which he is showing love. he may not know how to fill your "love tanks" and visa versa..

The grass is always greener when you water it.. (saw this in another post.)

do you both still date? if not then start that up again..

passian never leaves
love grows deeper
and above all be satisfied with what God has given you, he gave you what you have needed..


ps on a side note whats a wiki? its under referrels?

 

[HeartStrings]

Thank you to everyone. your are right, its not the same love we had before! the "newleywed" stage I thought would always last! Well we decided to get a devotional and do it everynight. and Im going to look into those books for sure! Thank you and GOD BLESS for sure!

 

[Lee_Lee]

Hey,

Yeah the love languages is a really good book- it is really amazing how once you are relating to each other in your own love language how much better you feel about the relationship.

I just want to reinterate some of the points already made. So many people in society think that love is a feeling. That is so far from the truth. Love is a CHOICE. We wake up every morning and we choose to love that person. We should be waking up every morning with the question "what can I do today to win my partner over and let them know how much I love them".

PRACTICAL SOLUTIONS: Have a date night once a week or fortnight- get a babysetter and go to the movies or a picnic or dinner, just you and your partner. Make it a rule to Kiss him or a pat on the shoulder or have some physical contact whenever you pass him in the house or see him. Write a little note saying you love him and put it in his work bag or lunch box. Cook a nice meal for him.

THE MOST IMPORTANT practical solution: TALK to him about it, be tactful but tell him how you feel and PRAY together for God to guide your relationship.

Finally, everyday think of one thing you are grateful of your partner. You said he takes care of your family and provides for you- that is a great symbol of love he is showing you right there!.....

Hope that has helped.

-LeeLee.

 

[Ari5]

Oh honey, everyone goes through this. God wants you to stay the course & he will reward you for it. The key is to find out what you need to do to make things better. There are things that you can do.

We went through some rough times & we stayed the course worked on things & now the temptations of what is on the other side has left & I am so happy with my husband, we have now been married for over 16 years.

One of the biggest things that happens in a marriage is that each persons needs are not being met. This sounds so easy but it is actually a very essential part to a happy marriage. If your needs are not being met by your husband you will feel unfulfilled & lose that loving feeling. But it can be brought back when those needs are being met.

We have gone through counseling & learned how to meet those needs better, like one of mine was communicating which I wasn't even aware of this. So now my husband takes time to talk more & we do more together like play games & stuff & that makes me feel more closer to him. Sometimes it is hard to figuere out exactly what needs we really have. The 5 Love Languages is a great book, also His Needs, Her Needs is a really good one.

I would love to encourage you if you want to pm me, feel free. I also send out a devotional once a week to encourage women in their marriages, let me know if your interested. Blessings, Ari

 

[Gardener101]

Its been almost two years since the birth of our son and I hate admiting this but I feel like I have lost the love I once had for my husband.. its almost as like hes a really great friend and roomate who takes care of us. but as far as feeling that love that passion we once had.. its gone!! sexually for sure. i have grass is greener fantasies.. the what if i didnt marry him thoughts.. this isnt right and I know it..

in june i had a complete melt down with the holy spirit and prayed for the love of my husband to come back into me and prayed for myself to be a better wife.. but it has yet to happen..

where do i go from here. do I just wait it out. I dont know anymore.!

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[Scottish Joy]

I know- it's really hard when you're switching from being focused on just each other "newlywed mode" to life in the fast lane... we're trying to figure it out too. Hang in there! Keep on being faithful & it'll pay off.