Fears

[faith177]

My daughter is four and has such a fear of bugs and spiders it is really affecting us, she wakes up screaming just about every night with nightmares of bugs, she is so scared that when she plays outside and sees one she screams like she has been hit by a car and wants to come inside. I have tried to explain that they are really scared of her and they will run away from her, or that they are just little. i dont know what to do, last night she woke up three times and wanted to sleep on the couch because the shadows in her room looked like bugs.

 

[Evening Mist]

I wonder if this is a developmental thing? My 3.5 year old recently began objecting strenuously to going upstairs alone. He won't say he is afraid, only that he has "bad dreams" when he is upstairs alone. Strange.

My approach is just to believe him, and stay with him. I can't always make his fear go away, but I can be with him and provide comfort when he feels afraid, KWIM?

I wonder if it might help your dd to "study" insects a little bit, with your help. Not actual insects, but books about them. Maybe learning some interesting little facts about what different bugs do and why God created them could help her get used to the idea of making some sort of peace with them.

 

[Tangnefedd]

I don't know what to suggest, I like spiders, but I am terrified of mice! Hopefully she will grow out of this fear, although I suspect she may not. If it gets too bad some sort of therapy may be needed when she is a bit older.

 

[set free in Christ]

My grandson was like this. It was just from what he did not understand. Fear comes from not understanding. I went out side with him one day to find these "bugs". Don't know if it was something that he had seen on TV that got this started or what. Take an excided educational look at these things with your little one. Your excitment will get him excided to start with and finding out these things will calm him down.

I have a friend that is scared of dogs. Interesting....her little girl is also scared?

 

[HeatherJay]

My girls are 3 and 5 and, although they will not touch a live bug (unless it's a ladybug or butterfly) they're not scared of them. They do run when they see bees, though. I guess all kids do.

We watch Animal Planet all the time as a family. Especially shows like Jeff Corwin, Crocodile Hunter, stuff like that....shows where animals and bugs are shown, and explained as something to respect, but not things that are out to get us. Also, my girls have some toy bugs, lizards, snakes, frogs, etc that they play with all the time (they bathe them and dress them in Barbie clothes...it's the funniest thing ). Maybe you could get her something like that.

Addressing the last comment about children fearing what their parents fear...I think this is very true. I do NOT like bugs and snakes, but I really make an effort not to freak out or show my fear in front of my kids. Thankfully, their daddy is not at all afraid of creepy crawlies, so he holds salamanders, lizards, frogs, caterpillars, etc in his hands and lets the girls touch them. Then they see "well, daddy's not afraid of them...why should I be afraid?"

LOL, now I have to deal with Emily coming in saying "Mommy, I've got a present for you because I love you so much." I hold out my hand and she hands me a frog! Of course, I HAVE to accept her gift, bless her little heart. *SIGH* The things we do for our kids, huh?

Love, Heather

 

[HeatherJay]

As far as nightmares go, I also think it's a developmental thing. When Emily was 3 1/2 or so, she was terrified of sleeping in her room, because she said she always dreamed of bugs coming in through her window and carrying her away...this went on for awhile and evolved into the bugs carrying her baby sister away. I think the only thing we an do is encourage kids to talk about their dreams and address the issues that might be causing them.

With Emily, I let her watch me spray a little bug spray on her windowsill (I told her there's NO WAY that any kind of bug could ever get past that). Then we played a little imaginary game of squashing bugs with our feet (everytime we'd see a fuzzball or piece of trash on the floor or on the ground we'd yell "BUG!" and race to squash it. It made her laugh and bugs became more of a game than something to be scared of. Also, I made sure to tell her over and over again that her daddy and I were there to keep her (and her sis) safe, and that we'd never let anything happen to our babies. And that Daddy was a big strong guy and that he'd squash any bugs that ever got into our house.

I've posted this before, I think, and maybe it might sound silly to some, but Emily and I play this game before bed that she calls 'picking her dreams'. She picks whatever she wants to dream about (riding on purple dolphins, flying on a unicorn, etc). I've found she's had far fewer bad dreams since we've started this.

Also, just teaching your kids that God's always there for them, especially when they're scared. Teach them how to pray about the things that scare them and how to ask God for comfort. Even though they still need to snuggle with mommy or daddy sometimes, it's important that they know that God is always with them, even when they have bad dreams.

Love, Heather

 

[lucypevensie]

I agree with the idea of "studying" God's creation. I do that with my own kids who are terrified of bugs too. I never make them touch or hold bugs but I make sure they see me touching/holding bugs. Point out interesting colors, markings, their little legs, and wings. Tell them that God makes the tiniest bugs as well as the biggest whales. I also teach them that there are certain bugs that are OK to squash, the ones that bite us like bees and mosquitos and moths that eat our food. I try to discourage stepping on bugs for fun. We're still working on that one though.

 

[HeatherJay]

I also teach them that there are certain bugs that are OK to squash, the ones that bite us like bees and mosquitos and moths that eat our food. I try to discourage stepping on bugs for fun. We're still working on that one though.

Oh, yes, yes. Let me clarify, with the bug squashing game, we didn't go around squashing REAL bugs.

 

[Tangnefedd]

Any suggestions for a 54 year old woman's absolute terror if she encounters the tiniest of mice, dead or alive????

 

[jenptcfan]

My daughter is four and has such a fear of bugs and spiders it is really affecting us, she wakes up screaming just about every night with nightmares of bugs, she is so scared that when she plays outside and sees one she screams like she has been hit by a car and wants to come inside. I have tried to explain that they are really scared of her and they will run away from her, or that they are just little. i dont know what to do, last night she woke up three times and wanted to sleep on the couch because the shadows in her room looked like bugs.

I have always been terrified of spiders. I am 25 and I still scream like a little girl when I see one (I've even trained my dog to kill them--hey I live alone...what else am I supposed to do? )

When I was little, I would always ask my parents to get down the 'S' WorldBook Encyclopedia so that I could look up spiders and snakes though. Even then I was scared to death of them. So I'm not sure that studying about them will always fix the problem, but it's not a bad idea. If they just didn't have so many legs they wouldn't be as creepy, but I'm not sure there's much we can do about that.

 

[lucypevensie]

Oh, yes, yes. Let me clarify, with the bug squashing game, we didn't go around squashing REAL bugs.

yeah, I knew what you meant

 

[faith177]

Last night she came out of her room and said I had a bad dream sometimes I have bad dreams when my eyes are open, I told her to just think of good things before bed so she will have good dreams. I told her to name all the things she loves, so she fell asleep talking of her fav things and she slept through the night.

I am not scared of little spiders or bugs, if they are in the house I scoop them up in a container and throw them outside because I dont like to kill things. I really dont like bees however so she has seen me freak a little when they are flying around my head

Its actually kind of wierd when she was a baby we noticed she had a real fear of water, my Gran had her once and tried to put her hands in the running water in the sink and she freaked out, even now when we go to the beach and I try to walk out deeper while i am holding her, she will cry and hold on to my neck with a death grip,she is getting a little braver we got her a life jacket and she will walk out to belly button, when she got a little older to walking age she would cry if we tried to get her to walk over a bridge, that had little slats that you could see down, she would not walk over the little drain holes on the street. She was waking up from nightmares before she was two.

She has not had anything really tramatic happen in her life, so I dont know why she has these fears.

 

[selune]

I hate spiders and insect that is not a buterfly or moth. Can't stand the multiple leg thing! Although, bees don't bother me so much, but wasps do. As for learning about the creatures to get rid of fears, for some it works. Great job jenptcfan for training your dog. Our cats have learned to alert us to creepy crawly things by staring intently at them, now if only they would hunt them...

 

[HeatherJay]

Last night she came out of her room and said I had a bad dream sometimes I have bad dreams when my eyes are open, I told her to just think of good things before bed so she will have good dreams. I told her to name all the things she loves, so she fell asleep talking of her fav things and she slept through the night.

I am not scared of little spiders or bugs, if they are in the house I scoop them up in a container and throw them outside because I dont like to kill things. I really dont like bees however so she has seen me freak a little when they are flying around my head

Its actually kind of wierd when she was a baby we noticed she had a real fear of water, my Gran had her once and tried to put her hands in the running water in the sink and she freaked out, even now when we go to the beach and I try to walk out deeper while i am holding her, she will cry and hold on to my neck with a death grip,she is getting a little braver we got her a life jacket and she will walk out to belly button, when she got a little older to walking age she would cry if we tried to get her to walk over a bridge, that had little slats that you could see down, she would not walk over the little drain holes on the street. She was waking up from nightmares before she was two.

She has not had anything really tramatic happen in her life, so I dont know why she has these fears.

Yay that your little one fell back to sleep on her own after her nightmare! Sounds like you're doing just what you should to help her. As far as her other fears, I would encourage you to get her to talk to you about them, and then help her rationalize them. For many kids, that really helps. Like walking over bridges, maybe explain to her that it CAN be pretty scary, even for grown-ups, but that they're very safe...even a great big person like her daddy (just for example) can walk over it, no problem. The idea of rationalizing fears works sometimes, but many people, and children, have completely irrational fears (snakes, bugs, etc). If her fear is of the irrational sort (she fears it, apparently, without cause or reason), then the best thing you can do is just give her a way to take control of the situation (even if it's something imaginary like a 'courage ring' that you slip on her finger before bed). Children feel safe when they're empowered. Sounds like your doing a great job with your little one.

Love, Heather

 

[faith177]

ty heather

that is encouraging, she is not afraid of the bridges anymore thank goodness, and she slept through the night again. someone is praying for us thank you