Fear

[FragileWinter]

Hello,

I first off want to say hello. I was here about a year ago on the site and posted in this forum and a few others but I doubt people will remember me.

I am posting this here because I need advice. I am a person who has researched a lot of psychological disorders because I felt I was suffering from something that drove me away from other people. After I researched, I came to the conclusion that I might have bipolar disorder. I am 95% sure of it. I also believe I may suffer from several other things.

I really do want to get help. I know it is hindering parts of my life. For example, I do not have any close friends due to trust issues. The problem is there are things holding me back from asking for help, things I fear. These are:
I. Medication-I am terrified of being medicated. I have heard many arguments and horror stories about this. I suppose I would rather talk my way out of my problems, even if it takes longer.
II. Social Stigma-There is a severe social stigma on any type of mental disorder. I know this from friends who have experienced this and stories given to me in psychology classes or on internet. My own family is highly guilty of this. They utter stereotypical "crazy" and "psycho" stories and phrases that make me cringe. I am afraid that the people I know will think less of me or treat me cruelly if they knew I was suffering.
III. Asking-I am afraid to ask for the help due to my family's financial situation, social situation, etc. Money is really tight right now in my family. Also, I live in a small town where issues like this are taboo and I know my town, or at least my church, will gossip and isolate my family because of me. A lot of people here already dislike me and it will just give them a reason to be cruel.

I suppose what I need is a little advice, support, or whatever you can offer. Anything will be more than welcome. And I'm sorry if I sound like a whiney, ranty, child. That was not my intent. I just feel so overwhelmed right now.

Sincerely,
Amaya

 

[madison1101]

Do you have medical insurance? If so, then you should have mental health coverage to get help. Mental health care is 100% confidential, and nobody needs to know you are getting help.

Yes, I know there is a social stigma, in addition to being bipolar, I am also borderline personality disorder, alcoholic and eating disordered. I am currently in an outpatient treatment program for alcoholism. Talk about a stigma. The only thing worse than a mentally ill person is someone who goes to drug/alcohol rehab and attends AA meetings. To make it worse, I am dually diagnosed, mentally ill and chemically addicted.

BUT, I know who I am in Christ. I believe that God would have me get the best mental health care I can, and to take the medications I need in order to be chemically stable. I believe that it does not matter what others think of my diagnoses, because they are ignorant and I do not care what ignorant people think of my mental illnesses.

I also studied mental illness in graduate school and work part time in a psychiatric hospital. I have a deep understanding of the issues that the mentally ill face.

So, learn who you are in Christ and pray and ask what God would have you do. Ignore people's gossip, because they are ignorant and their opinion should not matter.

God bless.
Trish

 

[wonderwaleye]

What you need is a doctor and ONLY a doctor. Mental health is very serious and not a guessing game.

I am bipolar and will always be bipolar. So I take meds that I cannot even tell I'm taking but they keep me well balanced. It took some time and trials to get where I'm at but it was worth it.

Don't fool with the very part of you that makes all your decisions or you may end up on the rocks.

ALWAYS REMEMBER:

JESUS IS RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE AT!!! EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T SEE HIM!!!

( left click and hold over the above to see your personal message )

 

[FragileWinter]

Thank you both for your help. It means a lot. I suppose I just don't know what to do right now. I've been weighing this out for a while.

To answer the question, I do have health insurance. My biggest fear is asking/telling my parents. Any advice?

 

[madison1101]

Thank you both for your help. It means a lot. I suppose I just don't know what to do right now. I've been weighing this out for a while.

To answer the question, I do have health insurance. My biggest fear is asking/telling my parents. Any advice?

You can discuss this issue with your family doctor, and ask for a referral to a psychiatrist. Then, just tell your parents that the family doctor is referring you to a psychiatrist for an evaluation. Pray about it first and see if they don't surprise you by being more supportive than you anticipate.

 

[Jeshu]

Thank you both for your help. It means a lot. I suppose I just don't know what to do right now. I've been weighing this out for a while.

To answer the question, I do have health insurance. My biggest fear is asking/telling my parents. Any advice?

You know to speak is far better than to remain quiet. I hid my illness from the age of 12 onwards, scared to face loved ones and others, in the end I blew-up badly and caused much damage.

I understand your feelings, mental illness is cruel from every respect, that is the first thing you must face, already are. Please see a doctor first and play it close to the chest, some doctors refuse to diagnose at first, to prevent stigma, so going to see medical help, may not give you want you need at first, quiet a few Bp sufferers have been denied help at first because of such policies.

About medications, most Bp sufferers are helped enormously with medications, sure it often takes a while to find the right medications but once found, you'll be have a much better quality of life. So please don't just freak before you have tried meds - only a few people, like myself, are medication hardy/resistant.


Act and find out what the medical world thinks first, that is my advise - and please remember that worrying about it is not going to change anything and fearing this will make it only worse.

 

[FragileWinter]

You know to speak is far better than to remain quiet. I hid my illness from the age of 12 onwards, scared to face loved ones and others, in the end I blew-up badly and caused much damage.

I understand your feelings, mental illness is cruel from every respect, that is the first thing you must face, already are. Please see a doctor first and play it close to the chest, some doctors refuse to diagnose at first, to prevent stigma, so going to see medical help, may not give you want you need at first, quiet a few Bp sufferers have been denied help at first because of such policies.

About medications, most Bp sufferers are helped enormously with medications, sure it often takes a while to find the right medications but once found, you'll be have a much better quality of life. So please don't just freak before you have tried meds - only a few people, like myself, are medication hardy/resistant.


Act and find out what the medical world thinks first, that is my advise - and please remember that worrying about it is not going to change anything and fearing this will make it only worse.

Hey, I remember you. You were one of the first people I talked to when I came to cf the first time. It's nice to see a familiar face.

Thank you for the advice. You and everyone else have been very helpful. I'm going to try and do something about it, even if I'm afraid. I'm going to pray and consider my choices for a few days. After that, hopefully, something can happen that will help.

Once again, many thanks for all the wonderful support and advice everyone.

 

[Jeshu]

Hey, I remember you. You were one of the first people I talked to when I came to cf the first time. It's nice to see a familiar face.

Thank you for the advice. You and everyone else have been very helpful. I'm going to try and do something about it, even if I'm afraid. I'm going to pray and consider my choices for a few days. After that, hopefully, something can happen that will help.

Once again, many thanks for all the wonderful support and advice everyone.

You're most welcome.

Very good choice as well.

My advise, keep your options open, don't let the medical world or any one else rail-road you into thinking different about yourself, than that you are a true person, a child of God, loved and precious.

Of course don't hold onto - like so many of us do - self-hate - such feelings are better of dead, as depression is much easier to bear when we are at completely at peace with ourselves.

The battle for a Bp person is to embrace goodness quietly, truth tightly, and resist falsehood mightily. As our feelings often don't tell us the truth, but are merely demonstrations of our current mood of being which goes away soon after another cycle sets in, and then comes back later unannounced, often having us all confused and wanting. Yet once you understand that a wheel rolls when you move, then (rapid) cycling is not as hard as at first.

(At my worst I change every 15-20 minutes, good is every few days, what average speed do you tick on?)

Take it slow!

 

[Soulwings]

I agree with the above posters... do what you can with your family to see about getting mental health coverage, and seek out a pdoc to talk about it and get an evaluation - get a referral from your GP. I, too, am the type to read up on lots of mental illnesses, just because it's so interesting and I can relate to a lot of them. (However, be careful that you do not get pulled into the trap of thinking that you've got illnesses that you don't have - I am not doubting you, but just warning you - as with medical students in med school reading up on different illnesses and thinking they have them - however, psychology is a bit different. ) Now, knowing that I am bipolar-II and having had the dx from my NP, I can look back on adolescent experiences and say that I was a little more moody than normal. But it really hit when I was 17, and blew-up, psychotic and tumultuous, angry and hateful, kind of like Gerry was speaking (however, in a completely different way).

In any case, you're still young... and can seek help before you get so stuck in the ways of bipolar that it is hard to change. Medications aren't that bad (I am on 6 to 7 at a time, sometimes eight) although there can be side effects. Therapy really helps. I would highly suggest seeking out a good T after seeing a pdoc.

If you need to talk, I'm around. Welcome back, and hopefully you will be able to be courageous and seek the help that you need.

 

[FragileWinter]

You're most welcome.

Very good choice as well.

My advise, keep your options open, don't let the medical world or any one else rail-road you into thinking different about yourself, than that you are a true person, a child of God, loved and precious.

Of course don't hold onto - like so many of us do - self-hate - such feelings are better of dead, as depression is much easier to bear when we are at completely at peace with ourselves.

The battle for a Bp person is to embrace goodness quietly, truth tightly, and resist falsehood mightily. As our feelings often don't tell us the truth, but are merely demonstrations of our current mood of being which goes away soon after another cycle sets in, and then comes back later unannounced, often having us all confused and wanting. Yet once you understand that a wheel rolls when you move, then (rapid) cycling is not as hard as at first.

(At my worst I change every 15-20 minutes, good is every few days, what average speed do you tick on?)

Take it slow!

I usually know my moods very well but sometimes if I have a really stressful week (about once or twice a year) I go nuts. I get totally blown away and confused. I go nuts. That just happened to be this week. It's getting better. I've had a pretty manic day today. I wrote three poems and am really energetic.