Fear that I'm not where I want to be in Christ

[NessofOnett05]

Hi, this is my first time ever posting on a forum, but I just wanted to ask about what I am going through and see if anyone has gone through anything similar. Also, I apologize in advance for poor grammar structure or if I continue to ramble on. I recently decided to take my faith seriously, and for three months I have been trying to becoming a better Christian. However, failing might be a better word. I've been trying to get closer to God, but I have things that make it hard to focus on God. For one instance I have HOCD, which stands for homosexual obsessive compulsive disorder, this makes it hard because what HOCD is is when someone like me who knows they are straight are afraid that they might be gay for a number of reasons even though they know that they are straight they get panicked at the mention of homosexuality or what have you. Its hard to understand what HOCD is and what it does unless you experience it yourself. My reason for bringing this up is because I am constantly living in fear, and just recently I've been living with the fear of what if I'm not really saved. I mean, my whole life I was raised as Christian, so I believed that Jesus died for us on the cross, that he was resurrected three days later, and that he is coming back again. But I feel like its all head knowledge and not what I believe in my heart. But I do believe that Jesus is who he says he is, so what should I do about this doubt? I'm currently going through this stage in my life where I feel doubts about what I believe and how do I know what I believe is true, but I just want to know that I am saved and that I really am a Christian. Whenever I talk to people about their experience as a growing Christian they always tell me that they listened to God and did what they heard God tells them to do. However, when I ask them what that means and how to hear God they always tell me that when God talks to me that I'll know. But its been almost four months of listening and waiting but nothing seems to change. Am I doing something wrong, if so, how can I fix this? Honestly, at this point I'll be grateful if anyone even takes this into consideration, but thank you for taking the time to read this. Thank you.

 

[mukk_in]

Hi, this is my first time ever posting on a forum, but I just wanted to ask about what I am going through and see if anyone has gone through anything similar. Also, I apologize in advance for poor grammar structure or if I continue to ramble on. I recently decided to take my faith seriously, and for three months I have been trying to becoming a better Christian. However, failing might be a better word. I've been trying to get closer to God, but I have things that make it hard to focus on God. For one instance I have HOCD, which stands for homosexual obsessive compulsive disorder, this makes it hard because what HOCD is is when someone like me who knows they are straight are afraid that they might be gay for a number of reasons even though they know that they are straight they get panicked at the mention of homosexuality or what have you. Its hard to understand what HOCD is and what it does unless you experience it yourself. My reason for bringing this up is because I am constantly living in fear, and just recently I've been living with the fear of what if I'm not really saved. I mean, my whole life I was raised as Christian, so I believed that Jesus died for us on the cross, that he was resurrected three days later, and that he is coming back again. But I feel like its all head knowledge and not what I believe in my heart. But I do believe that Jesus is who he says he is, so what should I do about this doubt? I'm currently going through this stage in my life where I feel doubts about what I believe and how do I know what I believe is true, but I just want to know that I am saved and that I really am a Christian. Whenever I talk to people about their experience as a growing Christian they always tell me that they listened to God and did what they heard God tells them to do. However, when I ask them what that means and how to hear God they always tell me that when God talks to me that I'll know. But its been almost four months of listening and waiting but nothing seems to change. Am I doing something wrong, if so, how can I fix this? Honestly, at this point I'll be grateful if anyone even takes this into consideration, but thank you for taking the time to read this. Thank you.

Homosexuality is a son brother. But homosexual tendencies may be cured through prayer and Divine Healing. I'd refer you to a Pastor or a Priest trained in such matters. God bless .

 

[Adstar]

Hi, this is my first time ever posting on a forum, but I just wanted to ask about what I am going through and see if anyone has gone through anything similar. Also, I apologize in advance for poor grammar structure or if I continue to ramble on. I recently decided to take my faith seriously, and for three months I have been trying to becoming a better Christian. However, failing might be a better word. I've been trying to get closer to God, but I have things that make it hard to focus on God. For one instance I have HOCD, which stands for homosexual obsessive compulsive disorder, this makes it hard because what HOCD is is when someone like me who knows they are straight are afraid that they might be gay for a number of reasons even though they know that they are straight they get panicked at the mention of homosexuality or what have you. Its hard to understand what HOCD is and what it does unless you experience it yourself. My reason for bringing this up is because I am constantly living in fear, and just recently I've been living with the fear of what if I'm not really saved. I mean, my whole life I was raised as Christian, so I believed that Jesus died for us on the cross, that he was resurrected three days later, and that he is coming back again. But I feel like its all head knowledge and not what I believe in my heart. But I do believe that Jesus is who he says he is, so what should I do about this doubt? I'm currently going through this stage in my life where I feel doubts about what I believe and how do I know what I believe is true, but I just want to know that I am saved and that I really am a Christian. Whenever I talk to people about their experience as a growing Christian they always tell me that they listened to God and did what they heard God tells them to do. However, when I ask them what that means and how to hear God they always tell me that when God talks to me that I'll know. But its been almost four months of listening and waiting but nothing seems to change. Am I doing something wrong, if so, how can I fix this? Honestly, at this point I'll be grateful if anyone even takes this into consideration, but thank you for taking the time to read this. Thank you.

Stop placing your faith in yourself..... You do not save yourself by being a ""Good Christian""

Place your faith in Jesus..... He came to save sinners like us.. We are saved not by achieving worthiness.. We are saved by being forgiven all our unworthiness... Focus on the worthiness of Jesus because it is His worthiness that saves me and you and anyone else who believes Jesus and trusts in the Atonement He secured for us on the cross...

 

[ByTheSpirit]

Let me suggest this:

Jesus said Come to him and rest. Learn from him to find rest! Matthew 11:28-30

He also said abide in him! John 15:1-12

The same grace he gave you to come to him initially will keep you and enable you to find true rest! The problem is we try to hard.

Please, you will save yourself a lot of trouble and anguish by reading those two listed passages above and meditating over them multiple times a day. Pray over them to Jesus until they enter your heart.

Especially focus on the part in John where Jesus says we are branches and he is the vine.

Let me ask you.

Do branches have to work to produce fruit? No.

What does a branch do then? It simply "abides" in the vine.

Abiding in this sense means scripture study. Once you read, meditate on what you have read and determine it's meaning and application, then pray over it, asking God to give you grace to do what the scriptures say.

Literally, all we need to do to find true grace is thrust ourselves upon God every moment of the day.

Pray constantly! 1 Thessalonians 5:17

Pray about everything! Philippians 4:6-7

One last thing... you can find these two books on the public domain for free, they will do WONDERS for you.

The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence

The Believers Secret to the Abiding Presence by Andrew Murray

Let me finish by giving you a word from God I received myself:

Abide in Me! Is there anything that you need that you will not have by being in my presence?

God bless you! I am here for you if you need to talk!

Father, reveal yourself to this precious soul and give them great grace to know how easy it is to rest and abide in your Son Jesus! Amen!

 

[NessofOnett05]

Homosexuality is a son brother. But homosexual tendencies may be cured through prayer and Divine Healing. I'd refer you to a Pastor or a Priest trained in such matters. God bless .

Its not that I'm gay, or that I am having homosexual thoughts. Its the thought of what if you were this or that. The thing is when before I had HOCD I had a strong hatred towards gay people because I knew then and I know now that homosexuality is a sin. I have never been gay, nor have I ever wanted to be gay. Instead, its the fear of becoming what I fear and hate the most. I have learned to show love to people who are gay because even though what they are doing is wrong God still created them and we should love them anyway. Also when I saw that we should love them because God created them, I don't mean that he created them to be gay because he didn't because we already know that homosexuality is wrong. Anyway, like I said its hard to describe what HOCD is like if you don't have it but thanks anyway for your reply. God bless you, sir

 

[give thanks]

Its not that I'm gay, or that I am having homosexual thoughts. Its the thought of what if you were this or that. The thing is when before I had HOCD I had a strong hatred towards gay people because I knew then and I know now that homosexuality is a sin. I have never been gay, nor have I ever wanted to be gay. Instead, its the fear of becoming what I fear and hate the most. I have learned to show love to people who are gay because even though what they are doing is wrong God still created them and we should love them anyway. Also when I saw that we should love them because God created them, I don't mean that he created them to be gay because he didn't because we already know that homosexuality is wrong. Anyway, like I said its hard to describe what HOCD is like if you don't have it but thanks anyway for your reply. God bless you, sir

Hi, this is my first time ever posting on a forum, but I just wanted to ask about what I am going through and see if anyone has gone through anything similar. Also, I apologize in advance for poor grammar structure or if I continue to ramble on. I recently decided to take my faith seriously, and for three months I have been trying to becoming a better Christian. However, failing might be a better word. I've been trying to get closer to God, but I have things that make it hard to focus on God. For one instance I have HOCD, which stands for homosexual obsessive compulsive disorder, this makes it hard because what HOCD is is when someone like me who knows they are straight are afraid that they might be gay for a number of reasons even though they know that they are straight they get panicked at the mention of homosexuality or what have you. Its hard to understand what HOCD is and what it does unless you experience it yourself. My reason for bringing this up is because I am constantly living in fear, and just recently I've been living with the fear of what if I'm not really saved. I mean, my whole life I was raised as Christian, so I believed that Jesus died for us on the cross, that he was resurrected three days later, and that he is coming back again. But I feel like its all head knowledge and not what I believe in my heart. But I do believe that Jesus is who he says he is, so what should I do about this doubt? I'm currently going through this stage in my life where I feel doubts about what I believe and how do I know what I believe is true, but I just want to know that I am saved and that I really am a Christian. Whenever I talk to people about their experience as a growing Christian they always tell me that they listened to God and did what they heard God tells them to do. However, when I ask them what that means and how to hear God they always tell me that when God talks to me that I'll know. But its been almost four months of listening and waiting but nothing seems to change. Am I doing something wrong, if so, how can I fix this? Honestly, at this point I'll be grateful if anyone even takes this into consideration, but thank you for taking the time to read this. Thank you.

 

[Dave G.]

First I don't care what you are or what society wants to call it as a syndrome or what have you. You need Jesus Christ in a personal way. If you think of Him as head knowledge then that probably is exactly what it is. Satan knows about Jesus too, he knows Jesus died on a cross as well but he is anything but saved. You need to ask Jesus into your life , into your heart, confess your sins and move on. From there you start with a clean slate. But you must do that from your heart with just a little faith, that it is your will to do this and not just a neat idea..

Becoming stronger in your faith starts with Jesus and He builds it, not you. But you do need to draw near to Him, keep yourself in the light, put your trust in Him for every detail of your life because God is in every detail of your life. Put him first in everything you do ( I might add, good and bad, don't try to hide from God it's not possible). Part of accepting Jesus as your own personal Lord and savior is that you will receive the indwelling Holy Spirit, listen for the Spirit's small voice working in your life, this is where your discernment will derive from. A new kind of knowledge, a new kind of wisdom, one not derived from the world but from God. As this all takes route in your life over months and years, most of your questions and most of unsureness will be transformed into direction in your life.

It's all about Jesus ! It's not about programs and denominations and working your way to a stronger kind of salvation. When you are saved, you will find peace in your heart. If you don't know if you are going to heaven, do some reading on that topic and get the scriptures that speak about it. There is so much more to being Christian than worrying if you might turn gay some day. Dwell on the positives of Jesus Christ and dump the negatives of Satan and the world system and the world terminology.. Trust in Him, believe in Him directly, set up a personal relationship with Him. He will never let you down, he will never leave you and He will never forsake you. We can get weak and wander but He doesn't. And guess what , He has always been there waiting for you. Why ? Because He loves You.

 

[A_Thinker]

Hi, this is my first time ever posting on a forum, but I just wanted to ask about what I am going through and see if anyone has gone through anything similar. Also, I apologize in advance for poor grammar structure or if I continue to ramble on. I recently decided to take my faith seriously, and for three months I have been trying to becoming a better Christian. However, failing might be a better word. I've been trying to get closer to God, but I have things that make it hard to focus on God. For one instance I have HOCD, which stands for homosexual obsessive compulsive disorder, this makes it hard because what HOCD is is when someone like me who knows they are straight are afraid that they might be gay for a number of reasons even though they know that they are straight they get panicked at the mention of homosexuality or what have you. Its hard to understand what HOCD is and what it does unless you experience it yourself. My reason for bringing this up is because I am constantly living in fear, and just recently I've been living with the fear of what if I'm not really saved. I mean, my whole life I was raised as Christian, so I believed that Jesus died for us on the cross, that he was resurrected three days later, and that he is coming back again. But I feel like its all head knowledge and not what I believe in my heart. But I do believe that Jesus is who he says he is, so what should I do about this doubt? I'm currently going through this stage in my life where I feel doubts about what I believe and how do I know what I believe is true, but I just want to know that I am saved and that I really am a Christian. Whenever I talk to people about their experience as a growing Christian they always tell me that they listened to God and did what they heard God tells them to do. However, when I ask them what that means and how to hear God they always tell me that when God talks to me that I'll know. But its been almost four months of listening and waiting but nothing seems to change. Am I doing something wrong, if so, how can I fix this? Honestly, at this point I'll be grateful if anyone even takes this into consideration, but thank you for taking the time to read this. Thank you.

When Jesus asked a man who had come to Him for healing for his son whether he believed that He (Jesus) could heal him, the man said ... "Lord, I believe ... but please help me with my unbelief."

In other words the man was saying that, although he had enough faith to bring his son to Jesus for healing, ... his faith was not 100%. So he asked Jesus (also) to help him be more faithful.

This was perfectly correct, ... as Paul tells us in Ephesians 2:8 that even our FAITH is a GIFT from God.

Ephesians 2:8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God ...

So, ... when your faith is flagging ... it is most appropriate to pray to God/Jesus for help with your faith.

 

[give thanks]

Hi,
So sorry to hear you also have ocd like me.
I had ocd before I came to God through Jesus and it has not left however I no longer medicate with prescription antidepressants for it, and had done for long periods before. You need to accept that the thoughts are there and that once you exhibit fear of a thought it will keep triggering. Each and every time the thought comes repent before God through Christ (quickly). ask in prayer for the strength to carry this burden until such a time as it diminishes or leaves for good. Forgive everyone - immediately - for every sin they do against you and pray for the shield of faith ( Ephesians 6 verses 10 - 18).
May God bless you through Jesus Christ.
Debbie.

 

[NessofOnett05]

First I don't care what you are or what society wants to call it as a syndrome or what have you. You need Jesus Christ in a personal way. If you think of Him as head knowledge then that probably is exactly what it is. Satan knows about Jesus too, he knows Jesus died on a cross as well but he is anything but saved. You need to ask Jesus into your life , into your heart, confess your sins and move on. From there you start with a clean slate. But you must do that from your heart with just a little faith, that it is your will to do this and not just a neat idea..

Becoming stronger in your faith starts with Jesus and He builds it, not you. But you do need to draw near to Him, keep yourself in the light, put your trust in Him for every detail of your life because God is in every detail of your life. Put him first in everything you do ( I might add, good and bad, don't try to hide from God it's not possible). Part of accepting Jesus as your own personal Lord and savior is that you will receive the indwelling Holy Spirit, listen for the Spirit's small voice working in your life, this is where your discernment will derive from. A new kind of knowledge, a new kind of wisdom, one not derived from the world but from God. As this all takes route in your life over months and years, most of your questions and most of unsureness will be transformed into direction in your life.

It's all about Jesus ! It's not about programs and denominations and working your way to a stronger kind of salvation. When you are saved, you will find peace in your heart. If you don't know if you are going to heaven, do some reading on that topic and get the scriptures that speak about it. There is so much more to being Christian than worrying if you might turn gay some day. Dwell on the positives of Jesus Christ and dump the negatives of Satan and the world system and the world terminology.. Trust in Him, believe in Him directly, set up a personal relationship with Him. He will never let you down, he will never leave you and He will never forsake you. We can get weak and wander but He doesn't. And guess what , He has always been there waiting for you. Why ? Because He loves You.

Thank you for your reply, when I became a Christian, like I actually decided to take it seriously, HOCD kind of died because I knew that it was just the ocd but I also realized that when I prayed I found peace. So when I have that fear it just disappears, but thank you for your reply.

 

[Dave G.]

Thank you for your reply, when I became a Christian, like I actually decided to take it seriously, HOCD kind of died because I knew that it was just the ocd but I also realized that when I prayed I found peace. So when I have that fear it just disappears, but thank you for your reply.