Fear of Adultery

[JillLars]

Here is how I handle my friends of the opposite sex.

I have 2 types of friends of the opposite sex.

The first type: guys that I have been friends with for a long time, have never had romantic or lustful feelings towards, and vice versa.

The second type: guys I have been friends with, but have had romantic or lustful feelings towards, or vice versa, have not neccessarily dated these friends (in fact most often not, which tends to leave things in limbo.

My fiance doesn't care if I hang out with my guy friends, but I make sure I don't put myself in situation where I would be tempted. I don't hang out with my 2nd type friends by myself, only in groups, or when my fiance is with me. I occasionally hang out with the 1st type friends alone, but that doesn't happen very often either (mostly because they are friends with my fiance too, so we all hang out together.)

 

[LadyBird]

I know how you feel. Only I fear I will get divorced. Every person on my mom's side of the family is divorced. And I just am SO terrified that it will happen to me. Even though I firmly believe that divorce is wrong. I'm still scared I will have the same fate as the rest of them.

That aside, I understand your fear. I've found out that I just can't compare myself to anyone else because I am not that person. I am different and in a different situation. You know in your heart you wouldn't cheat on your husband regardless of what your mother did. And I know in my heart that divorce is wrong, regardless of how many family members are divorced on my mom's side of the family. Sometimes I think people feel as though certain things run in their family and that because a family member did something bad, they will do the same thing too. You are totally different from your mother. You are a seperate person and make your own decisions. Does any of that make sense? Because for me, just because my parents had an awful marriage, it certainly doesn't mean that I will. Because I will do things differently and because I am not them. I think that you should pray about this and pray with Josh. Talk to each other about it. Because when the communication lines are cut off, the relationship will fail.

 

[TheOriginalWhitehorse]

Here is how I handle my friends of the opposite sex.

I have 2 types of friends of the opposite sex.

The first type: guys that I have been friends with for a long time, have never had romantic or lustful feelings towards, and vice versa.

The second type: guys I have been friends with, but have had romantic or lustful feelings towards, or vice versa, have not neccessarily dated these friends (in fact most often not, which tends to leave things in limbo.

My fiance doesn't care if I hang out with my guy friends, but I make sure I don't put myself in situation where I would be tempted. I don't hang out with my 2nd type friends by myself, only in groups, or when my fiance is with me. I occasionally hang out with the 1st type friends alone, but that doesn't happen very often either (mostly because they are friends with my fiance too, so we all hang out together.)

Absolutely-not spending time alone is a good idea. I don't spend time alone with members of the opposite sex, either. The witnessing gets hard for me, though, because there really is only so much support you can give someone who isn't the same gender.

 

[Memory's Flame]

I try hard not to spend time alone with the opposite sex, although it's difficult sometimes; as most of my friends are men, who were first friends of my husband... Although I don't spend time individually with someone until I know my husband is absolutely comfortable with it.

 

[Pamelaopen]

I have been married for over 25 years and yet I have been a true believer for only a little longer than just two years. I was raised in a Christian home and knew about Jesus, etc., but didn’t “get it.” However, I knew right from wrong and was unhappy about several enormous mistakes that I had made in my youth. Because of these massive mistakes I made a promise to myself to not make any more huge mistakes.



Many years ago I went to play volleyball without my husband because his knees were too damaged to play anymore. It was a difficult decision because I loved playing with him, but I finally got the courage to go to the gym. I got on a team with a guy that was not particularly handsome, but who was incredibly charming towards me, and I must have needed the attention because I lapped it up. He was separated from his wife, sleeping with some other girl on our team and making me fall in “love” with him. I put “love” in quotation marks because it is not love at all but merely a temporary crush. I call it infatuation. This infatuation or crush snuck up on me, and I didn’t admit it to myself for many weeks. Finally, one Saturday during my volleyball match I looked at him from across the gym and knew I was totally and completely in “love.” After this revelation I was filled with so much anxiety that when I got home I collapsed on the bed. I knew what I had to do.



This volleyball guy had been calling me and asking me if I wanted to play again in the next league. Now I knew that I could not play volleyball with him anymore, so I called him on the following Monday and told him I decided to play softball instead of volleyball. He pretty much begged me to stay on the volleyball team, but I told him I couldn’t play two sports and I wanted to play softball.



Our season ended within weeks, and after that I wasn’t in contact with him any more at all. In a very short period of time my intense feelings subsided and now many years later I can’t even remember his name. What a mistake that would have been for me to pursue him or even to stay on the team. The crush vanished along with any repercussions that I would have faced. I put my efforts into my relationship with my husband who ended up playing softball with me.


Extramarital affairs are not worth the pain that it will cause you, your husband, and your (future) children, but most importantly the “love,” the crush, the “infatuation,” or whatever you want to call it is not real. The love you have built with your husband is the real thing. The love you feel for your (future) children is the real thing. The love you have for God and God for you is the real thing, and not even one night with someone else is worth hurting any one of your real relationships.


Please keep this story in mind or better yet print it out as a reminder that you can also be a happily married woman blessed by God with a 25 year marriage just because you said no.