FBI Investigation Implicates Entire World: 'There Is None Righteous, No, Not One'

[redleghunter]

From the Babylon Bee!

WASHINGTON, D.C.—As the results of the FBI investigation were revealed to United States senators Thursday, they grimly began to announce to their constituents "the very bad news" that there is none righteous, and that no one seeks after God.

"There is none righteous—no, not one!" said Senator Dianne Feinstein in an emotional address. "FBI investigators discovered that their throat is an open grave, and further corroborated the fact that all have turned away, and together they have become worthless."

"While we have been suggesting that this FBI investigation is a sham, we have to acknowledge, based on our own behavior over the past few weeks, that these findings are true. It is up to each man and woman to face these harsh facts," she said.

Republican senators agreed with Feinstein's statements, somberly reporting that the several-day-long investigation had revealed that men's feet are swift to shed blood and there is no fear of God before their eyes.

At publishing time, the investigation had further revealed that the righteousness of God was made manifest apart from the law, given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe.

 

[OldWiseGuy]

That is hilarious (and true as well).

 

[chevyontheriver]

From the Babylon Bee!

WASHINGTON, D.C.—As the results of the FBI investigation were revealed to United States senators Thursday, they grimly began to announce to their constituents "the very bad news" that there is none righteous, and that no one seeks after God.

"There is none righteous—no, not one!" said Senator Dianne Feinstein in an emotional address. "FBI investigators discovered that their throat is an open grave, and further corroborated the fact that all have turned away, and together they have become worthless."

"While we have been suggesting that this FBI investigation is a sham, we have to acknowledge, based on our own behavior over the past few weeks, that these findings are true. It is up to each man and woman to face these harsh facts," she said.

Republican senators agreed with Feinstein's statements, somberly reporting that the several-day-long investigation had revealed that men's feet are swift to shed blood and there is no fear of God before their eyes.

At publishing time, the investigation had further revealed that the righteousness of God was made manifest apart from the law, given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe.

But the FBI didn't interview me.

 

[redleghunter]

But the FBI didn't interview me.

Lol I guess we can blame Trump for that too!

 

[Roseonathorn]

Oh, my, three nice people comment and our forest is full of them, hating each other, wolves, chevies and hunters but ok maybe the hunters tolerate the chevies. But the wolves keep slaying. I still find some people are down to earth and surf the internet and get either disgusted by what they see or laugh at it and decide not to follow that path.

 

[chevyontheriver]

Oh, my, three nice people comment and our forest is full of them, hating each other, wolves, chevies and hunters but ok maybe the hunters tolerate the chevies. But the wolves keep slaying. I still find some people are down to earth and surf the internet and get either disgusted by what they see or laugh at it and decide not to follow that path.

Um, er, satire? Or rather, quite true but implausible coming from Senator Feinstein's mouth?

 

[Roseonathorn]

Um, er, satire? Or rather, quite true but implausible coming from Senator Feinstein's mouth?

No, it is true, we live near the forest where mainly animals and hunters go, there are quite some gunshots here during autumn, so for safetys sake one should always wear orange when one goes ten steps away from the door and into the woods. We have too many wolves too, they run on peoples gardens, streets etc, we may not legally shoot them, only watch when they tear our beloved dogs and cats to pieces. So people are in an uproar, no satire, absolutedly not. Kids can not safely walk home anymore from school since a wolf can growel at them at their homeyard, what happen, nothing. The wolf is free to go. I call it pure idiocy. if one shoots a wolf, that is not attacking, punishment 7 years prison. So how do You prove it attacks? It is rather late to start shooting after You have a wolf on Your neck. So many live in fear and terror because wolves do not stay in the forest.

 

[Roseonathorn]

So Feinstein says none is righteous, maybe the righteous ones do not hang on internet so much. Maybe they have other things on their minds and try to save the world. A lot on the internet that pops up is because we search for it. If we look for God, we will find God, if we look for unrighteousness that is what we will find and unfortunatedly maybe that is what FBI try to uncover. All kinds of dirt, so if they look for that, that is what their computers will be full of, that kind of advertisement too, no wonder Feinstein gets that opinion. Give her a clean computer and a new mission and tell her to find God and Jesus and all clean things in the sight of God, and only look for those and put an Age limit of 12 years on that computer. See what she find then, quite an impressively clean computer without bugs and nice friends. If She ever has any lusts She has to go to her spouse and not search on the computer, no datingsites, because that is under 12 years of Age. Anything on Youtube that She watches she should consider that she watches together with a parent or it should be age appropriate. So Yes, If She look that way maybe she finds some people still on the planet that are righteous. But does She now intend to destroy the planet or what was the purpose of that search?

 

[redleghunter]

So Feinstein says none is righteous, maybe the righteous ones do not hang on internet so much. Maybe they have other things on their minds and try to save the world. A lot on the internet that pops up is because we search for it. If we look for God, we will find God, if we look for unrighteousness that is what we will find and unfortunatedly maybe that is what FBI try to uncover. All kinds of dirt, so if they look for that, that is what their computers will be full of, that kind of advertisement too, no wonder Feinstein gets that opinion. Give her a clean computer and a new mission and tell her to find God and Jesus and all clean things in the sight of God, and only look for those and put an Age limit of 12 years on that computer. See what she find then, quite an impressively clean computer without bugs and nice friends. If She ever has any lusts She has to go to her spouse and not search on the computer, no datingsites, because that is under 12 years of Age. Anything on Youtube that She watches she should consider that she watches together with a parent or it should be age appropriate. So Yes, If She look that way maybe she finds some people still on the planet that are righteous. But does She now intend to destroy the planet or what was the purpose of that search?

This was a satire article from the Babylon Bee.