Just wondering, a friend of mine was asking me, if he had to ask his girlfriend's dad first before proposing marriage to her? Would it make a difference if he did not?
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Father's role
- Thread starter Rols
- Start date
JillLars
It's a Boy! Jace David- Due 1/20/07
It would be very respectful of him to do so, and I'm sure your friend's dad would be impressed. My fiance asked my whole family, my bro was in the hospital and Josh got there to see him before I did, and my whole family was there, so Josh showed them the ring, and asked their permission. 
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Rols said:
He's asking the question, so apparently his upbringing didn't answer that previously for him (a growing, common shame of modern society).
Some would say, that since marriage is between a man and a woman (don't go there, JillLars!), that father/family permission is not needed. And that it is a thing of the past.
Yet, I believe it is necessary! As anyone, who is happily married can tell you, marriage is not just the joining of 2 ppl, but rather of 2 families. Not asking permission non-verbally implies many things. Among them are...
1) Lack of respect for family's opinion.
2) Lack of respect for family's acceptance.
3) Lack of respect for family's feelings.
4) Lack of respect for family's permission to join their ranks.
5) ...etc.
I imagine, most see the common thread.
Respect, while an underlining part on civil society, is often disregarded by it's individual members. While modern society obsessively demands respect, it rarely offers it freely.
So in closing, let me say, this matter is about open public respect! And the "difference" is in whether publicly that is respect or disrespect.
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Lizzi4Christ
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What has the father's role been in her life?
I'm not the traditional "ask the father" person. THere are too many "fathers" who haven't acted like it! If she's close to her father and he's had a hand in raising her, then he should ask. It's a sign of respect to him and I think it also show their so commited, they're willing to get family involved.
I'm not the traditional "ask the father" person. THere are too many "fathers" who haven't acted like it! If she's close to her father and he's had a hand in raising her, then he should ask. It's a sign of respect to him and I think it also show their so commited, they're willing to get family involved.
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I agree with that. Obviously if the father isn't in her life at all, then there's no purpose or need to ask him for his permission/blessing. However, asking her mother (both parents) I think would be great and very respectful of the boyfriend. If in a situation where neither parents are involved then how about asking for the nearest and closest aunt or uncle or grandparents that ARE in her life?
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DaveKerwin
Represent the Most High
I asked my fiancee's father. He is a good man, and I wanted his permission before proceeding.
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Warrior Poet
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Hands down its just the right thing to do.
Lizzi (I spelled it right ) brings up a good point though. I believe in my case I would still ask or tell them, when I proposed (to Jess my ex) i didnt ask her mom (they were on again off again, off at the time), nor her dad, I had never met him and he lived in Ohio, I did talk to her brother about it and he gave me his blessing, that meant alot. I will however no matter what kind of role her parents play, if i choose to marry again, ask both of them, and in the case of an non-existant role, inform them of my actions, thoughts and intentions, if they disagree with that, its something I will deal with unless it jeapordizes my soon to be wife and the relationship with her family, in which case I will gracefuly bow out. But if their family doesnt like me already, I probably wont ever ask. Family accpetence is a huge part of a relationship, it comes down to mutual respect. If that respect is not gained and maintained there will be troubles down the road for certain pre and post marriage.
Warrior Poet
Lizzi (I spelled it right
) brings up a good point though. I believe in my case I would still ask or tell them, when I proposed (to Jess my ex) i didnt ask her mom (they were on again off again, off at the time), nor her dad, I had never met him and he lived in Ohio, I did talk to her brother about it and he gave me his blessing, that meant alot. I will however no matter what kind of role her parents play, if i choose to marry again, ask both of them, and in the case of an non-existant role, inform them of my actions, thoughts and intentions, if they disagree with that, its something I will deal with unless it jeapordizes my soon to be wife and the relationship with her family, in which case I will gracefuly bow out. But if their family doesnt like me already, I probably wont ever ask. Family accpetence is a huge part of a relationship, it comes down to mutual respect. If that respect is not gained and maintained there will be troubles down the road for certain pre and post marriage.Warrior Poet
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G
GivingMyAll4Him
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i have to admit is skipped the other posts,(im lazy, i know), so this might be a repeat...
first, it is respectful to the future bride and her father.
second, it will gain her fathers trust, he will appreciate it.
third, it is classy and old fashioned...romantic...
speaking in inexperience, i know...
first, it is respectful to the future bride and her father.
second, it will gain her fathers trust, he will appreciate it.
third, it is classy and old fashioned...romantic...
speaking in inexperience, i know...
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This is for the guys reading this. If you go to ask the father for permission, be fully prepared to propose on the SAME day. I had been sort of planning to propose a few days after, but I just chose a convenient moment to ask permission while my girlfriend was out. After I had asked permission, the whole family was so excited that I realized that when we went out later that evening, I knew her folks would be waiting at the door to see what her answer was. If I didn't propose, that would have been a very awkward moment. So I did propose that evening and everything went....
Enslow
Enslow
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charligirl
Senior Veteran
My parents live 100's of miles away, I was 32 and my parents didn't even meet my boyfriend until he was my finace!!
He took me to Paris to propose, we hadn't been able to make the trip to my parents before. I sussed it out with my mother about whether my father would be upset, but considering my age and the circumstances he didn't mind at all.
He took me to Paris to propose, we hadn't been able to make the trip to my parents before. I sussed it out with my mother about whether my father would be upset, but considering my age and the circumstances he didn't mind at all.
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