Father's inappropriate content addiction

[Elizabeth163]

I grew up in a Christian family full of love which I thought was almost perfect, but I found out my father watches inappropriate content every day for years and I'm very concerned about it.
A few years ago, I was playing games on my father's phone. Then I saw his google searches about inappropriate content and I was upset on him, but I was too little to understand what it really means and I forgot about it after a while. A few months ago I was helping him to post something on his phone and I saw it again. This time I understood what's it's impact and I'm very worried about it. I know the right thing is to tell it to my mother, but I'm embarassed to do that because she doesn't talk with me about intimate relations almost none. I know I shouldn't keep it a secret from her, I believe it's a form of cheating and if she learns about it, I hope they will discuss and that will help him to get rid of this horrible habit. How should I speak with her about it? I don't want to betray my mother!
I put a filter on his phone which blocks these sites, does this mean I got involved too much? I don't know how to react in this situation!
Please, pray for my family!

 

[A_JAY]

she doesn't talk with me about intimate relations almost none.

I put a filter on his phone which blocks these sites,

I think you received good advice from contributors who posted on August 7.
Apparently, you want to handle it your way and are looking for folks who will agree with what you had already decided to do.

Good luck on that. Best wishes

 

[A_Thinker]

I grew up in a Christian family full of love which I thought was almost perfect, but I found out my father watches inappropriate content every day for years and I'm very concerned about it.
A few years ago, I was playing games on my father's phone. Then I saw his google searches about inappropriate content and I was upset on him, but I was too little to understand what it really means and I forgot about it after a while. A few months ago I was helping him to post something on his phone and I saw it again. This time I understood what's it's impact and I'm very worried about it. I know the right thing is to tell it to my mother, but I'm embarassed to do that because she doesn't talk with me about intimate relations almost none. I know I shouldn't keep it a secret from her, I believe it's a form of cheating and if she learns about it, I hope they will discuss and that will help him to get rid of this horrible habit. How should I speak with her about it? I don't want to betray my mother!
I put a filter on his phone which blocks these sites, does this mean I got involved too much? I don't know how to react in this situation!
Please, pray for my family!

I answered in another forum yesterday and retiterate ...

I don't think that you should expose what you think your father is doing to your mother. It would only hurt her and cause conflict. Neither you ... or your mother can change your father's habits. Only he can.

Perhaps you can have a private discussion about it with your father ... (i.e. just the fact that you know/suspect).

Or ... perhaps you can speak to a minister ... and seek counseling as to what, if anything, you should do.

I wish to reiterate ... this is, ultimately, an issue between your father and God. Even you mother is only, potentially, a victim.

I know that women sometimes believe that they can just remind men of the "rules" ... and then they will comply. But men are not, generally, like that ... they, typically, need a deeply personal reason to change their behaviour.

Pray about it ... and stay out of your mother and father's relationship. It could be a bit of a minefield ...

 

[mindfulzen]

I see, this is pranking us. I get it. Guess we are too naive. Good one, 3 posts of the same questions in 3 days.

 

[Elizabeth163]

I see, this is pranking us. I get it. Guess we are too naive. Good one, 3 posts of the same questions in 3 days.

That's not a prank. I didn't receive so many answers as I thought. I really need other's opinion, that's why I posted it 3 times

 

[mindfulzen]

That's not a prank. I didn't receive so many answers as I thought. I really need other's opinion, that's why I posted it 3 times

OK, it seemed like a bit, but I will not question you. Since you are new here, as I am, I can help you some, with the little I know. That way it does not seem like pranking. That can be seen as goading, which is against the rules here. And I think it is against the rules to post multiple posts about the same issue, so beware, and read the rules. See if I got it right, and then clean up, but I may have gottn it wrong. If you want your question answered and get it trending because it is important for you, you can just write a new comment, just reply to one of us who answered your other threads. Then it should be on top in the latest activitythread.

What was wrong with the replies you got? We kind of gave thorough replies, with good reasoning, that you would get from any priest, shrink, and sister of your father if you asked her. Is it as one typed, that you want an advice, that you have already decided on? And it could help if you shared how it makes you feel. Do you feel angry at him? We should probably know your age to, since there is a possibility that you should go tell your mother instead of messing with his phone, if you are very young. So she can sort it out.

I would hate to think that you are 8 years old, and you go through your fathers inappropriate contentfeed daily. That is getting to know your father in a weird way, that might be more destructive to you than you know. Imagine if you start liking it, and it mess your mind up, and you end up going to a shrink. That is not good. That is priority numero uno, if what you write is true, getting you to stop watching inappropriate content. Not a grown man. Perhaps you just should interefere, so they get you out of snooping on their phones, and watching inappropriate content.

 

[mindfulzen]

That's not a prank. I didn't receive so many answers as I thought. I really need other's opinion, that's why I posted it 3 times

I forgot one suggestion. There is some chaplain service here. Some clergyfolks you can ask questions, and do it confidentially. How about that? That way you can elaborate, and do a comfortable back and forth in a private thread.

 

[A_Thinker]

I forgot one suggestion. There is some chaplain service here. Some clergyfolks you can ask questions, and do it confidentially. How about that? That way you can elaborate, and do a comfortable back and forth in a private thread.

Wonderful suggestion ...

 

[Brian Mcnamee]

I grew up in a Christian family full of love which I thought was almost perfect, but I found out my father watches inappropriate content every day for years and I'm very concerned about it.
A few years ago, I was playing games on my father's phone. Then I saw his google searches about inappropriate content and I was upset on him, but I was too little to understand what it really means and I forgot about it after a while. A few months ago I was helping him to post something on his phone and I saw it again. This time I understood what's it's impact and I'm very worried about it. I know the right thing is to tell it to my mother, but I'm embarassed to do that because she doesn't talk with me about intimate relations almost none. I know I shouldn't keep it a secret from her, I believe it's a form of cheating and if she learns about it, I hope they will discuss and that will help him to get rid of this horrible habit. How should I speak with her about it? I don't want to betray my mother!
I put a filter on his phone which blocks these sites, does this mean I got involved too much? I don't know how to react in this situation!
Please, pray for my family!

Hi does your dad claim to be a born again believer? If so then you need to talk to him 1st.

1 Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted. 2 Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. 3 For if anyone thinks himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. 4 But let each one examine his own work, and then he will have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. 5 For each one shall bear his own load.

15 “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’[fn] 17 And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.

 

[Elizabeth163]

OK, it seemed like a bit, but I will not question you. Since you are new here, as I am, I can help you some, with the little I know. That way it does not seem like pranking. That can be seen as goading, which is against the rules here. And I think it is against the rules to post multiple posts about the same issue, so beware, and read the rules. See if I got it right, and then clean up, but I may have gottn it wrong. If you want your question answered and get it trending because it is important for you, you can just write a new comment, just reply to one of us who answered your other threads. Then it should be on top in the latest activitythread.

What was wrong with the replies you got? We kind of gave thorough replies, with good reasoning, that you would get from any priest, shrink, and sister of your father if you asked her. Is it as one typed, that you want an advice, that you have already decided on? And it could help if you shared how it makes you feel. Do you feel angry at him? We should probably know your age to, since there is a possibility that you should go tell your mother instead of messing with his phone, if you are very young. So she can sort it out.

I would hate to think that you are 8 years old, and you go through your fathers inappropriate contentfeed daily. That is getting to know your father in a weird way, that might be more destructive to you than you know. Imagine if you start liking it, and it mess your mind up, and you end up going to a shrink. That is not good. That is priority numero uno, if what you write is true, getting you to stop watching inappropriate content. Not a grown man. Perhaps you just should interefere, so they get you out of snooping on their phones, and watching inappropriate content.

I'm 16 years old. Yes, I'm angry on him because he betrayes my mother. I don't watch inappropriate content, I hate it, I checked his google searches and I blocked these sites, I know I got involved too much into this situation. I hope one day I'll have the courage to tell mom about it.

 

[Elizabeth163]

Hi does your dad claim to be a born again believer? If so then you need to talk to him 1st.

1 Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted. 2 Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. 3 For if anyone thinks himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. 4 But let each one examine his own work, and then he will have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. 5 For each one shall bear his own load.

15 “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’[fn] 17 And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.

Hi!Yes, he claims it
Thank you so much for your advice!! I pray to have one day the courage to talk about it!

 

[Elizabeth163]

Yes, he claims it. Thank you so much! I hope I will have the courage to talk about that.

 

[mindfulzen]

I'm 16 years old. Yes, I'm angry on him because he betrayes my mother. I don't watch inappropriate content, I hate it, I checked his google searches and I blocked these sites, I know I got involved too much into this situation. I hope one day I'll have the courage to tell mom about it.

Ok, do not get angry with me, just trying to help. Then you are old enough, so you can deal with it as you see fit, and you have had your confirmation, so an adult in the eyes of God. So this is just a stepping stone for you, in this thing called life, where we make mistakes or not along the way. You are learning to live. First of all, we must calm you down, OK, it is what it is, and that is the way it is for now. Do some simple meditation, lie on your bed, close your eyes, lift your arms, feel the weight of them, and do the same with the legs. It is calming, and also makes you sleepy. Do that and others if you want. Then chat with the helpfule people here for a few days or a week, so many opine in, and you patiently wait till you sort it out and it makes sense.

Otherwise I have another suggestion, do you have councelers at school? I do not know romania, but here they will hook you up with a psychologists for free, and you can get very good advice, where they tell you the psychology behind inappropriate content addiction, and you might see it in a totally new light and understand your father better, and be able to talk to him calmly. If he then acts emotional towards you and turn it on you, you can just say, "hey, my shrink told me I should do this". Then you are both kind of left with talking it over constructive and honest. Leave your mom out of it when you are that old, you can do this yourself.

Full disclosure about my CV, I am a mere bartender, who have only semiraised a girl from 7 till 18. Just the fun stuff, not the dadstuff with good advice, helping with homework, etc. Like a fun uncle. But I was once a teenager, so you know, I have made some mistakes I learned from. I actually made the mistake you want to do myself, when I was like 7, haha. Me and my brother found inappropriate content in our parents bag, and I freaked out, "what kind of people are theese people, what is going on!!!" We kind of housesat the cabin we were at instead of playing outside, so they was obstructed from doing that weird stuff, haha. It is so funny thinking back to. Messed up that vacation. Good luck.

 

[Elizabeth163]

Ok, do not get angry with me, just trying to help. Then you are old enough, so you can deal with it as you see fit, and you have had your confirmation, so an adult in the eyes of God. So this is just a stepping stone for you, in this thing called life, where we make mistakes or not along the way. You are learning to live. First of all, we must calm you down, OK, it is what it is, and that is the way it is for now. Do some simple meditation, lie on your bed, close your eyes, lift your arms, feel the weight of them, and do the same with the legs. It is calming, and also makes you sleepy. Do that and others if you want. Then chat with the helpfule people here for a few days or a week, so many opine in, and you patiently wait till you sort it out and it makes sense.

Otherwise I have another suggestion, do you have councelers at school? I do not know romania, but here they will hook you up with a psychologists for free, and you can get very good advice, where they tell you the psychology behind inappropriate content addiction, and you might see it in a totally new light and understand your father better, and be able to talk to him calmly. If he then acts emotional towards you and turn it on you, you can just say, "hey, my shrink told me I should do this". Then you are both kind of left with talking it over constructive and honest. Leave your mom out of it when you are that old, you can do this yourself.

Full disclosure about my CV, I am a mere bartender, who have only semiraised a girl from 7 till 18. Just the fun stuff, not the dadstuff with good advice, helping with homework, etc. Like a fun uncle. But I was once a teenager, so you know, I have made some mistakes I learned from. I actually made the mistake you want to do myself, when I was like 7, haha. Me and my brother found inappropriate content in our parents bag, and I freaked out, "what kind of people are theese people, what is going on!!!" We kind of housesat the cabin we were at instead of playing outside, so they was obstructed from doing that weird stuff, haha. It is so funny thinking back to. Messed up that vacation. Good luck.

Thank you so much for your advice!

 

[Brian Mcnamee]

Hi!Yes, he claims it
Thank you so much for your advice!! I pray to have one day the courage to talk about it!

Hi it will be awkward for you and embarrassing to your father but think about the woman thrown down in front of Jesus caught in the act of adultery and the law said she should be stoned to death. Now Jesus had compassion on her and told the mob he who is without sin may cast the 1st stone at her. Then Jesus started to write on the ground and one by one beginning with the eldest they departed until Jesus and the woman were left alone.
And Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst. 10 When Jesus had raised Himself up and saw no one but the woman, He said to her,[fn] “Woman, where are those accusers of yours?[fn] Has no one condemned you?”
11 She said, “No one, Lord.”
And Jesus said to her, “Neither do I condemn you; go and[fn] sin no more.”
12 Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, “I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.”

Your goal with your dad is not condemnation but rather a conviction that brings repentance. If you come to him in meekness and honestly just share the truth and he will be exposed just like the woman and hopefully he will repent of his sin.

 

[Elizabeth163]

Hi it will be awkward for you and embarrassing to your father but think about the woman thrown down in front of Jesus caught in the act of adultery and the law said she should be stoned to death. Now Jesus had compassion on her and told the mob he who is without sin may cast the 1st stone at her. Then Jesus started to write on the ground and one by one beginning with the eldest they departed until Jesus and the woman were left alone.
And Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst. 10 When Jesus had raised Himself up and saw no one but the woman, He said to her,[fn] “Woman, where are those accusers of yours?[fn] Has no one condemned you?”
11 She said, “No one, Lord.”
And Jesus said to her, “Neither do I condemn you; go and[fn] sin no more.”
12 Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, “I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.”

Your goal with your dad is not condemnation but rather a conviction that brings repentance. If you come to him in meekness and honestly just share the truth and he will be exposed just like the woman and hopefully he will repent of his sin.

You are right! Thank you!!

 

[mindfulzen]

You are right! Thank you!!

Did brian give you an answer that made you decide? Were you looking for a reply that had scripture only? I think you should also read this one then, Corinthians 11.

Now I commend you for remembering me in everything and for maintaining the traditions, just as I passed them on to you. 3But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.

If you were to tell your mom, it would mess with their roles is she went off on him. He is supposed to lead her in the right way to go, so she can lead you in the right way. And he should be strong, and find the strength in God. If he is lead by your mother, the christian household is no more. So it is important to take up things with him directly i he fails in leading, so he can correct it himself.

Curious to know what you choose to do now

 

[Elizabeth163]

Did brian give you an answer that made you decide? Were you looking for a reply that had scripture only? I think you should also read this one then, Corinthians 11.

Now I commend you for remembering me in everything and for maintaining the traditions, just as I passed them on to you. 3But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.

If you were to tell your mom, it would mess with their roles is she went off on him. He is supposed to lead her in the right way to go, so she can lead you in the right way. And he should be strong, and find the strength in God. If he is lead by your mother, the christian household is no more. So it is important to take up things with him directly i he fails in leading, so he can correct it himself.

Curious to know what you choose to do now

I'm looking for any answer, either from Scripture or Christians's personal experience.
I don't have an open relationship with any of them to talk about it, but I pray that God will give me an opportunity to speak.