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fathers and bonding....

tonya

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OF COURSE WE MOTHERS ALMOST INSTANTANEOUSLY HAVE A BOND WITH OUR CHILDREN CAUSE WE CARRY THEM IN OUR BELLIES FOR 9 MONTHS...AND THEN MOM'S JUST SPEND A LIL BIT MORE TIME WITH THEIR OFFSPRING CAUSE DADDY IS THE MAIN PROVIDER AND THATS USUALLY "JUST HOW IT IS".....NOW I AM FORTUNATE THAT MY S/O HELPS WITH OUR CHILD AS I AM SURE YOU ALL HAVE HELP WITH THE CHILDREN BUT HOW HAVE YOU MADE THE BOND MORE SECURE WITH THE DADDIES AND THE CHILDREN...,JUST WONDERING..I HAVE MOMMIES DAY OUT AND LEAVE THEM TOGETHER FOR THE ENTIRE DAY...THIS HAS HELPRED..ANY OTHER IDEAS..AM I THE ONLY MOM THAT FEELS THIS WAY???????
 

Tangnefedd

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My daughters do this with their sons and it is good for their Daddies to bond with them and give Mummy time off! My husband was deliberately useless where babies and very small children were concerned. He only changed 5 nappies/diapers in the whole of our 4 infant's lives. Each one was a total disaster. How can an extremely intelligent man with 4 degrees, possibly put a nappy on with the plastic side next to the skin???? If there was an emergency, he would phone my Mum, who lived across the water, she would hop on a plane and ride to the rescue, LOL!!! However, as the kids got to be interesting he was fantastic with them and taught them so much. We have two grandsons and our daughters are looking forward to Gramps being able to do all that stuff with them. But at present it is a case of, "Mum, please don't leave Dad in charge of the baby!" when they ask us to babysit, LOL!!!!
 
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lucypevensie

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Let them do different things with Dad than they do with me. With me they can go to the grocery store or help make dinner. But with Dad they get to wrestle and run around. Each of us provides something that the other cannot (or doesnt want to). My husband hates shopping, so I'm the one who provides that kind of time with the kids. I hate wrestling and tickling, so they know they can go to Dad when they're feeling energetic.
 
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Momzilla

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Well, my husband is a stay at home dad, so he and the kids get plenty of bonding time! When we're both home, I find that things work out a lot like they do in Lucy's family--Dad wrestles and does puddle stomping, I do cuddles and "help around the house" stuff.

I also think it's important for each parent to find some individual time with each child. It doesn't have to be anything particularly special, but it's nice just to have some one-on-one time.
 
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jshanks3

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I'm a new father of a 5 month old little girl, so I am still looking forward to all my future bonding times... (I have plenty of changing diaper times now though!)

This only applies to fathers who have daughters, but I read an excellent book entitled 'She Calls Me Daddy' by Robert Wolgemuth. This book gave me tons of ideas and helped me prepare to be a great Daddy. Any father who has daughter(s) should take the time to read this book!
 
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pmcleanj

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I breastfed, but I knew when my girls were born that I would be going back to work in six months, before they were weaned. So from the first I expressed breastmilk, so that they would be accustomed to the bottle as well as the breast, and my husband always gave that bottle so that the babies wouldn't be confused between the bottle and the breast. At first of course I was lucky to get an ounce into the bottle. But it was a start, and my dear husband always took the worst middle-of-the-night feeding, whatever it was, so that I could get a few hours of consecutive sleep. When my elder wasn't having a growth spurt, she ate every four hours like clockwork. With DH taking the 4a.m. feeding I could sleep from midnight until 8, and he slept from 4 to noon (which for a software guy is a normal sleep rhythm). He became pretty proprietary and professional about his feedings: he changed her and warmed the bottle and assembled the appropriate nipple and fed her and burped her, changed her again and settled her back to sleep. He never propped her up with a bottle, but always cuddled her and gave the bottle -- as close as a man can get to nursing. Same thing when our second daughter came along, although she was less restful and less regular.

DH took as many turns as I did reading bed-time stories, and now that our elder girl is in junior high he still sometimes reads aloud with her in the evening while I read to and tuck in the younger girl. And the three of them all take martial arts together in a family class. So they have lots of shared time and shared interests.
 
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karla

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I am blessed with a wonderful husband who is a terrific father. From their birth, he took an active role. Even though I was breastfeedig, he would still get up in the middle of the night to get the baby for me or to change a diaper. He would also get up with them if they wouldn't go back to sleep. Even though he was the one working outside the home, he still made sure that everyone knew that parenting is a two person job. He does simple thigns like taking one or both of them with him if he is running to the store. He gives me a break after dinner and plays withe kids, he also is the one who primarily gives them their baths, which they love because at the end of the day I am more the "lets get down to business and get clean" while he is more the "let's try to build a bubble castle and practice swimming". We each make a point to spend some alone time with each of the children every day. We also make a point to have the kids in bed by 8:30 so we can have alone time together.
 
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BlessedMan

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Dobson addresses the boys bonding with their dads in his series "Bringing Up Boys". (A must read or see by ALL who have boys)

Anyways, he says that between 18 months and 5 years of age, boys should and usually do become more attached to their dad than their mom. It definitely happened around 18 months with our oldest son (4yrs old) and just happened to our son who just turned 2. I love spending time with them whenever I can and she loves the free time since she's a stay-at-home mom. Usually after dinner til bedtime they're "mine"...any work or things that need to be done can be done after they're in bed.

As awesome as it is, I love the responsibility of being their roll-model. Everything we do is to make sure we're raising them to become great men of God and we pray everyday for him to help us do so.
 
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Momzilla

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WRT boys attaching to their dads... I have two sons, and it's been interesting to see how different they are in this regard. My oldest has been a "daddy's boy" from the get-go--when he was learning to talk, we would hear him in his crib in the mornings, saying "daddydaddydaddydaddydaddy", etc. Now that he is with his dad all day, he's just as likely to glom onto me in the evenings (actually, now that he's in the terrible three's, he'll glom onto whoever he thinks will give in to his whining...).

My younger son is quite different--he's still in the mommy phase. But then, he's not quite 18 months. I'm sure he will (temporarily) abandon me for daddy pretty soon.
 
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tonya

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WELL..SINCE I HAVE A DAUGHTER, OF COURSE SHe and i have a strong bond..she has agreat dad..he will take her to the dr..get up with her if she is sick..stay home with her if she is sick..BUT i want them to share times together...i want them to have a good relationship. they have gotten where they spend saturdays together just the 2 of them b/c he works at night sooo i am basicalky the pimary care giver cause of his schedule...
 
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oldrooster

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I have to admit, I was a useless dad when my kids were small ( didn't change diapers, & such ) , I have gotten much better at it since I became a grandfather. I change, bathe, feed & take care of my grandson on a daily basis. I have my boys every weekend, my daughter lives with me. I guess we have bonded ok.
 
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