Father.

[strawberri]

I used to like my father.

But, around fifth grade, I began to get a sick feeling whenever I was around him.
So, I started to avoid him.
I can't stand the sight of him anymore.

I ask him to stay out of my space, he refuses.
He forces me to embrace him.
I'd rather stick needles down my throat.
He gives me a really bad hunch.

Lately he's gotten worse.
I've been going through his yelling for about a year.
But, today he really went off.
I don't know the reason.
He began yelling at me.
Then it got louder.
Then he came really close to me.
He yelled that he was going to make my life hell.
I just stared back.
I was so surprised, I didn't know what to say.
I was scared, though.
I thought he was going to hit me.

Then he went off and complained to my mother.
He started telling her that they should dicipline me more.
I could hear him telling her I did things that I really didn't.
Then she came to me and gave me a speech on how disrespectful I am.
I didn't listen.
She always tells me that after my father gets angry.
She told me to apologize to him.
She never once asked me what happened.

I don't want to see him ever again.

I don't have anyone to go to; my mother takes his side.
I have an older brother who is two years older than me; he treats me as my father does, only more physical.
My father is usually at work until evening, but once he get home, I run.
And, on the weekend he doesn't have work so I'm terrified.

I might have been a little moody before my father began to yell at me.
Maybe that's what made him angry?
I used to live in Japan (military father), and I had a good friend there.
You see, it was my friend's birthday.
I owe everything to him..he saved my life.
Although this is un-Christian, I used to want to kill myself.
I was alone.
I was thinking about how my friend saved me when my father barged in.
He asked me several questions, but I didn't answer because I didn't hear him. I was too spaced out.
Then he began to yell.
I fell in love with this friend.
But I never found out whether or not he loved me back.
I am back in America now and have not talked to him since.
It's been a year...but I have not thought of any other.
But, it's been a year of being alone too.
Now I don't have anyone to save me.

My parents don't know about my suicidal thoughts.
They tell me I should just get over my "personal issues".
They don't know how serious those "issues" are.

I'm sorry, am I rambling?
It's past midnight.
Hopefully you can glue my mushed up facts together and offer some advice.

Key points:
1. I used to be suicidal because of problems at school and home
2. My friend saved me and gave me a reason to live.
3. I moved away, have been alone since
4. Suicidal thoughts have returned, my problems at home have gotten worse.

What should I do?

 

[restore]

Firstly how old r u and how did u become a christian and r u independantly in fiancial now etc.....but i guess u r still in school. i pm u after this post.

and i must tell u , u can not change your father and your situation, the dark power in your family is from devil. u can change nothing.....BUT, if u have the lord standing on your side , then u will be surprised,

 

[Johnnz]

You need some support. See your priest. Maybe some family can have you live with them?

You are better off away from that destructive environment.

John
NZ

 

[VioletLady]

You need some support. See your priest. Maybe some family can have you live with them?

You are better off away from that destructive environment.

John
NZ

Absolutely. This sounds like a thoroughly poisonous environment, I agree with the last two posters.

You are in my prayers,

Violet xxxxx

 

[KOTTMatt]

I agree with everyone else something may happen if this continues, see the leader of your church and a family member that you feel safe with.

It seems to me that the devil hates what your doing and is trying to scare you out of it, make him scared and ask Jesus to come into the house and fill up the house with His love and destroy the evil in your house.