Father Refuses To Allow Organ Donation

[Inkachu]

That's horrible, to say that a parent should have no choice in whether or not their child's body gets sliced to pieces. That's THEIR child, it isn't some little organ factory that's owned by medical science. Is organ donation a good and noble thing? Sure, but it should ALWAYS be a choice. I also find it a little hasty to say that you know absolutely and certainly what you would be doing if your child died. Unless you've been through it, you can't say with absolute certainty what your reactions will be.

 

[keith99]

I'd be incoherent and demented with grief, too, but the choice has already been made. If my two-year old child dies, any of his or her organs or tissues that are acceptable for donation will be donated. Done deal. I wouldn't even need to discuss it.

Not to mention that unless the child died suddenly, there would be ample time to discuss things with the doctors before the grief.

Personally, I think donation should be mandatory. Then grieving parents and relatives wouldn't even be faced with the choice.

I don't care about the empty shell.

Many faiths and individuals feel the exact opposite.

They should not be forced to donate organs.

That said I have no problems with putting them at the end of any organ donors list.

 

[PreachersWife2004]

I'd be incoherent and demented with grief, too, but the choice has already been made. If my two-year old child dies, any of his or her organs or tissues that are acceptable for donation will be donated. Done deal. I wouldn't even need to discuss it. Not to mention that unless the child died suddenly, there would be ample time to discuss things with the doctors before the grief. Personally, I think donation should be mandatory. Then grieving parents and relatives wouldn't even be faced with the choice.

Come back and see us when your two year old actually HAS died and you did the "right" thing.

Until you've been there, shut up. I'm sorry to be rude about it but your judgment of these people, this father in particular, is inhumane.

 

[Supreme]

It was his decision and his right. I'm all for organ donation (it can take something as terrible as losing a loved one and give someone a shot at life), but I support his decision.

 

[Fenny the Fox]

I agree with others, it was his decision. It was his right to make his feelings known on the issue, for whatever reason he has - be it grief, personal hangups, or even vitriol for his ex wife (though I honestly doubt that actually is a major part of it, not saying it isn't any of it, but I doubt it is much of a part). Agree with it or not. And it is none of our business why he made the decision he did.


All that said, I think I can understand not wanting to allow his daughter to be used after death in such a way. Both in terms of grief -that would be a HARD decision for me- and, maybe, in terms of personal feelings.

My father is against organ donation and transplant on a personal ethic. He finds it a miraculous medical feat, he respects the doctors that do such amazing things, he understands people feel differently and respects that. But he personally feels it is unnatural and "wrong" on some levels, to have a part of another person inside and part of you in such a way. I understand that.

I personally feel much the same, honestly. And I have stated to my family before that were it to come to the point of me needing a transplant (which, with my medical issues, is a possibility in the future) that I would refuse. Both because I feel the same as my father AND because I feel those same organs could be, potentially, put to better use than on me.

BUT I am also a listed organ donor, and all my family and loved ones know how I feel on the issue - that I AM to be offered as an organ donor, whatever organs can be used at my death (which, admittedly, may not be that much, since I have bad eyes, weak bones, bad lungs, damaged pancreas, and possibly a damaged liver and kidneys from years of medical problems and meds). That it is my wish and they have agreed, despite my fathers objections to the issue personally, to see that carried out.
(My mother is also listed as an organ donor, so my family knows to do so for her as well.) I would rather my organs be used to save a life in my death despite personally having objections to being on the receiving end of that same.

 

[ThisBrotherOfHis]

Speak for yourself.

As PW said, come back and see us when your child has actually died and tell us about doing "the right thing." Until it happens, you haven't a clue what you'll do, and organ donor cards can be revoked.

 

[Skaloop]

That's horrible, to say that a parent should have no choice in whether or not their child's body gets sliced to pieces. That's THEIR child, it isn't some little organ factory that's owned by medical science. Is organ donation a good and noble thing? Sure, but it should ALWAYS be a choice. I also find it a little hasty to say that you know absolutely and certainly what you would be doing if your child died. Unless you've been through it, you can't say with absolute certainty what your reactions will be.

It's probably going to get cut up anyway. And organ donation doesn't involve slicing anyone to pieces.

And yes, I can say with certainty what I would do. I would donate any and all parts I could. It wouldn't be an emotional decision under duress. The decision has been made.

 

[Skaloop]

That's horrible, to say that a parent should have no choice in whether or not their child's body gets sliced to pieces. That's THEIR child, it isn't some little organ factory that's owned by medical science. Is organ donation a good and noble thing? Sure, but it should ALWAYS be a choice. I also find it a little hasty to say that you know absolutely and certainly what you would be doing if your child died. Unless you've been through it, you can't say with absolute certainty what your reactions will be.

It's not getting sliced to pieces.

And I absolutely know what I would do if my dead child were a viable donor for someone else.

The guy in the article said she had beautiful eyes. OK, so bury her corpse in the ground and see how beautiful her eyes are after a few days. Now consider how beautiful it would be her legacy was of giving sight to someone living.

 

[PreachersWife2004]

It's not getting sliced to pieces.

And I absolutely know what I would do if my dead child were a viable donor for someone else.

The guy in the article said she had beautiful eyes. OK, so bury her corpse in the ground and see how beautiful her eyes are after a few days. Now consider how beautiful it would be her legacy was of giving sight to someone living.

People who have just lost their child don't look at it as a CORPSE, for heaven's sake.

Again, you haven't lost a child. You don't really know what you would do. You can say "Oh I know, I will do this and this and this" and then BAM, it happens to you and you don't even know how to get up out of bed let alone talk about organ donations.

 

[PreachersWife2004]

I agree with others, it was his decision. It was his right to make his feelings known on the issue, for whatever reason he has - be it grief, personal hangups, or even vitriol for his ex wife (though I honestly doubt that actually is a major part of it, not saying it isn't any of it, but I doubt it is much of a part). Agree with it or not. And it is none of our business why he made the decision he did.

All that said, I think I can understand not wanting to allow his daughter to be used after death in such a way. Both in terms of grief -that would be a HARD decision for me- and, maybe, in terms of personal feelings.

My father is against organ donation and transplant on a personal ethic. He finds it a miraculous medical feat, he respects the doctors that do such amazing things, he understands people feel differently and respects that. But he personally feels it is unnatural and "wrong" on some levels, to have a part of another person inside and part of you in such a way. I understand that.

I personally feel much the same, honestly. And I have stated to my family before that were it to come to the point of me needing a transplant (which, with my medical issues, is a possibility in the future) that I would refuse. Both because I feel the same as my father AND because I feel those same organs could be, potentially, put to better use than on me.

BUT I am also a listed organ donor, and all my family and loved ones know how I feel on the issue - that I AM to be offered as an organ donor, whatever organs can be used at my death (which, admittedly, may not be that much, since I have bad eyes, weak bones, bad lungs, damaged pancreas, and possibly a damaged liver and kidneys from years of medical problems and meds). That it is my wish and they have agreed, despite my fathers objections to the issue personally, to see that carried out.
(My mother is also listed as an organ donor, so my family knows to do so for her as well.) I would rather my organs be used to save a life in my death despite personally having objections to being on the receiving end of that same.

My mom is kinda the same way. I am an organ donor and she kept telling me when I was still living at home that there was no way they'd allow it and I just said "ok mom". Heck, my aunt had asked that she be cremated and nobody in my family could bring themselves to allow that. But I really think that was more because of HOW she died - it was sudden, at the hands of her ex-boyfriend and she was 36 years old. My grandparents were just a mess about the whole thing and I remember my grandma, sweet and dear and could barely hurt a fly, practically screamed at my dad because he talked about possible organ donation. In the end, that didn't matter because she had been gone for over a day when they found her.

So, I totally get and respect that there are reasons why someone would make the decision to donate or not donate. I don't know if I would be able to say "yes" about my kids in such a situation, but I know that I am an organ donor.

 

[Skaloop]

People who have just lost their child don't look at it as a CORPSE, for heaven's sake.

Again, you haven't lost a child. You don't really know what you would do. You can say "Oh I know, I will do this and this and this" and then BAM, it happens to you and you don't even know how to get up out of bed let alone talk about organ donations.

I'm not saying it will be easy. But I will have already talked about organ donations. Unless the kid is killed instantly and without warning, it will already have been discussed. And there's not a whole lot to talk about; the doctor asks about organ donation, I say "yes, anything that can be donated should be donated." It's a 30 second discussion, tops.

 

[keith99]

I agree with others, it was his decision. It was his right to make his feelings known on the issue, for whatever reason he has - be it grief, personal hangups, or even vitriol for his ex wife (though I honestly doubt that actually is a major part of it, not saying it isn't any of it, but I doubt it is much of a part). Agree with it or not. And it is none of our business why he made the decision he did.


All that said, I think I can understand not wanting to allow his daughter to be used after death in such a way. Both in terms of grief -that would be a HARD decision for me- and, maybe, in terms of personal feelings.

My father is against organ donation and transplant on a personal ethic. He finds it a miraculous medical feat, he respects the doctors that do such amazing things, he understands people feel differently and respects that. But he personally feels it is unnatural and "wrong" on some levels, to have a part of another person inside and part of you in such a way. I understand that.

I personally feel much the same, honestly. And I have stated to my family before that were it to come to the point of me needing a transplant (which, with my medical issues, is a possibility in the future) that I would refuse. Both because I feel the same as my father AND because I feel those same organs could be, potentially, put to better use than on me.

BUT I am also a listed organ donor, and all my family and loved ones know how I feel on the issue - that I AM to be offered as an organ donor, whatever organs can be used at my death (which, admittedly, may not be that much, since I have bad eyes, weak bones, bad lungs, damaged pancreas, and possibly a damaged liver and kidneys from years of medical problems and meds). That it is my wish and they have agreed, despite my fathers objections to the issue personally, to see that carried out.
(My mother is also listed as an organ donor, so my family knows to do so for her as well.) I would rather my organs be used to save a life in my death despite personally having objections to being on the receiving end of that same.

Unless the process changes radically you might want to reconsider accepting an organ donation. They already consider who is better use in the sense of a person being apt to have more time left and quality of life post transplant. Also considered is how good a match one is, which has a major impact on the success. A fair percentage of organ recipients are in fact the only good match close enough to get the organ still viable. The flip side is there also, many die, not because there are no organs available, but because there are no good matches available.

 

[Fenny the Fox]

Unless the process changes radically you might want to reconsider accepting an organ donation. They already consider who is better use in the sense of a person being apt to have more time left and quality of life post transplant. Also considered is how good a match one is, which has a major impact on the success. A fair percentage of organ recipients are in fact the only good match close enough to get the organ still viable. The flip side is there also, many die, not because there are no organs available, but because there are no good matches available.

Well, like I said, that is only a part of my reason. My personal ethic/moral stance on the issue outweighs that part, to be honest, though. But you are right, to a large degree. I know that.

But, under the circumstances, knowing my medical issues/history, the chances are that I would be put on a wait list and not have it be a sudden/quick "he needs it, we have it" type of situation. My worst off organs are pancreas and lungs - both of which would lead to a transplant listing. A listing option I would refuse, knowing the vast number of people in the US waiting on those organs.

That they may be slightly, otherwise, behind me in terms of expected life expectancy post transplant (since in that situation, matches would be available outside of me, quite easily in most cases) is not of issue to me, honestly. I personally still feel most other people would be "of better use". [Be it low self-worth or minor carry-over of former suicidal tendencies and thoughts, I don't know.]

 

[Skaloop]

As PW said, come back and see us when your child has actually died and tell us about doing "the right thing." Until it happens, you haven't a clue what you'll do, and organ donor cards can be revoked.

I do know what I would do. I get that for some this might be a decision fraught with anguish. But for me, it's a done deal. For me, it's not even a decision. In fact, if anyone stood in my way I would do my darnedest to make sure it happened. If it didn't, due to red tape or other outside interference, so be it, but my decision would still be to have it done.

And my mind will not change on that. I don't need to have a child die to know my convictions.

 

[keith99]

Well, like I said, that is only a part of my reason. My personal ethic/moral stance on the issue outweighs that part, to be honest, though. But you are right, to a large degree. I know that.

But, under the circumstances, knowing my medical issues/history, the chances are that I would be put on a wait list and not have it be a sudden/quick "he needs it, we have it" type of situation. My worst off organs are pancreas and lungs - both of which would lead to a transplant listing. A listing option I would refuse, knowing the vast number of people in the US waiting on those organs.

That they may be slightly, otherwise, behind me in terms of expected life expectancy post transplant (since in that situation, matches would be available outside of me, quite easily in most cases) is not of issue to me, honestly. I personally still feel most other people would be "of better use". [Be it low self-worth or minor carry-over of former suicidal tendencies and thoughts, I don't know.]

This is not something I would push anyone on. But I did feel it worth bringing up. I would not like to think someone declined a transplant because of misunderstanding the transplant list process. Especially someone making such a decision in part because of trying to allow others to benefit over them self.

 

[Fenny the Fox]

This is not something I would push anyone on. But I did feel it worth bringing up.

It was definitely worth bringing up.
I would push it, personally. Seriously...

I would not like to think someone declined a transplant because of misunderstanding the transplant list process. Especially someone making such a decision in part because of trying to allow others to benefit over them self.

...Especially if I just thought they didn't understand the process, since many don't. But I do understand how it works. (Most of the time, since the process of listing and placement is subject to board review and corruption/politics are an issue at times, as with most things).

 

[Inkachu]

Ugh, I am once again reminded why I keep some people on ignore.

 

[Skaloop]

Ugh, I am once again reminded why I keep some people on ignore.

I'm so vain; I really think this post is about me, probably.

 

[Ada Lovelace]

It's very possible the father feels like there was something more that he could have done to protect his daughter while she was alive, even though it seems like that's not actually the case and he is entirely blameless, and therefore he wants to do what he can to "protect" her now. He doesn't want any more harm coming to her body, even if she's no longer sentient and capable of feeling pain. Whatever the reasons, he has every right to refuse and he doesn't need to defend or explain himself. Perhaps the mother is wanting to try to make a positive out of this tragedy by donating the organs, but she doesn't get to do that with his consent.

I am completely in support of organ donation. I even support that some countries have mandatory donation policies for people over the age of 18 because it is something that is vital. I'm having a surgery next month and will be the recipient of a donation. But, even in the countries where donation is mandatory, people are given the choice of opting out without discrimination, and both parents must provide consent. Organs aren't taken; they are donated.

 

[JustMeSee]

Very sad story for the parents.

This is one of the first decisions you should make for your body when you become an adult.