I really don't know what it's like to have a loving constant father-figure in my life, and I think this effects my relationships with guys. My dad lives 2000 miles away and my stepdad is really distant and angry. Can anyone relate to my situation?
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Father-figure Issues
- Thread starter Wide-eyedWithWonder
- Start date
Marie
Senior Veteran
Completely.
I am an abuse victim who hasn't seen my real dad since I was two. My step dad and I also do not have a good relationship. Now, my mother (real) is divorcing my step dad, so that makes things really shaky.
You have more guy friends than you do girl friends, huh?
I am an abuse victim who hasn't seen my real dad since I was two. My step dad and I also do not have a good relationship. Now, my mother (real) is divorcing my step dad, so that makes things really shaky.
You have more guy friends than you do girl friends, huh?
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I'd say my friends are about half guys and half girls. I've noticed that I like to spend time with guys more than girls though. Not sure if that's because I'm looking for good male influence. Hmm.
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You are perceptive. A girl's relationship with her father has a large influence on several areas of her life including self-image and boys.
You and Marie are little gems. Remember that.
You and Marie are little gems. Remember that.
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hi Wide Eyed Wonder,
I can understand what you're saying. How often do you see your dad who lives far away?
I've had my Dad with me my whole life but I actually never had a real 'father figure' because he and I never spoke much during my growing up years. He was too busy working and very traditional Chinese man. I wasn't allowed to speak up.. and if I was 'naughty' (cheeky), he would get angry. Hence ..I always feared being around him. It's sad to say it...but I only really started talking to him when I went away to University.
While I was at University, (and even in high school), ..I had more guy friends than girl friends. I also had an interest in talking to older guys and treating them like 'big brothers'. Sometimes I was attracted to these guys but my desire to see them as big brothers always override the attraction.
So like someone else mentioned, I have been affected in the way I see guys. I can't trust guys easily. I used to get very tensed when I was around men of my father's age. And when I got older, I didn't relate to guys in a 'normal' way. I was always trying to see them as a 'girl' or get them to see me as a 'guy'.
I only realised over a year ago how my poor relationship with my father affected how I saw the opposite sex... and eventhough I held on to my relationship with my heavenly Father.. .there were certain aspects of God the Father that I couldn't understand... as I had never seen them reflected in my earthly Father.
This may sound like it was all bad but by God's grace and faithfulness, I now have a good relationship with my Dad. It didn't happen overnight..although it may have seemed rather sudden...but it happened after a process of me growing up and trying to understand my Dad. His own upbringing and so on. I now love my Dad..and I am able to understand God's Father side better. I still sometimes fear having relationship with a guy...but God has changed me that I no longer try to see a guy as a 'girl' but the way He designed us to.
Trust that God is faithful and He will smoothen out the issues in your life in due time. You know..I NEVER thought I would have a good rship with my Dad. I even used to dread my wedding day just cuz I would have to walk up the aisle on my Dad's arm. It was that bad. But now, if God gives me the gift of marriage, I look forward to walking up the aisle with my Dad.
God bless you!
I can understand what you're saying. How often do you see your dad who lives far away?
I've had my Dad with me my whole life but I actually never had a real 'father figure' because he and I never spoke much during my growing up years. He was too busy working and very traditional Chinese man. I wasn't allowed to speak up.. and if I was 'naughty' (cheeky), he would get angry. Hence ..I always feared being around him. It's sad to say it...but I only really started talking to him when I went away to University.
While I was at University, (and even in high school), ..I had more guy friends than girl friends. I also had an interest in talking to older guys and treating them like 'big brothers'. Sometimes I was attracted to these guys but my desire to see them as big brothers always override the attraction.
So like someone else mentioned, I have been affected in the way I see guys. I can't trust guys easily. I used to get very tensed when I was around men of my father's age. And when I got older, I didn't relate to guys in a 'normal' way. I was always trying to see them as a 'girl' or get them to see me as a 'guy'.
I only realised over a year ago how my poor relationship with my father affected how I saw the opposite sex... and eventhough I held on to my relationship with my heavenly Father.. .there were certain aspects of God the Father that I couldn't understand... as I had never seen them reflected in my earthly Father.
This may sound like it was all bad but by God's grace and faithfulness, I now have a good relationship with my Dad. It didn't happen overnight..although it may have seemed rather sudden...but it happened after a process of me growing up and trying to understand my Dad. His own upbringing and so on. I now love my Dad..and I am able to understand God's Father side better. I still sometimes fear having relationship with a guy...but God has changed me that I no longer try to see a guy as a 'girl' but the way He designed us to.
Trust that God is faithful and He will smoothen out the issues in your life in due time. You know..I NEVER thought I would have a good rship with my Dad. I even used to dread my wedding day just cuz I would have to walk up the aisle on my Dad's arm. It was that bad. But now, if God gives me the gift of marriage, I look forward to walking up the aisle with my Dad.
God bless you!
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Dawn Marie
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My dad is an alcoholic... and I only see him on Christmas Day. 
I have two older brothers and an uncle I am very close to, though. So I dunno if I can relate totally. There has always been a male role-model, even though it was never my father.
I have two older brothers and an uncle I am very close to, though. So I dunno if I can relate totally. There has always been a male role-model, even though it was never my father.
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Lizzi4Christ
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I can relate sorta.
My father and mother seperated when I was 2 and I went to live with my grandparents. My grampa has been my father. I remember seeing my actual father maybe 5 times from age 2 to 14. That's stretching it. He's been around a lot more lately, but he assumes he can do certain things because he's my dad. Example: He was making fun of my driving and when I told him to stop he said he had to make fun of it. I asked him why and he said "Because I'm your father, I have to tease you." I don't know if I'm explaining this right or not, but I think him saying that was stupid because he may be my biological dad, but not in the way that it counts. To me, he has to work a lot now to ever become my dad. Actually, I think it's too late to ever really be a dad.
My grampa... things were complicated with him. When I turned 10 we started arguing a lot. He has a short temper and would lose it everynow and then. He would never tell me he loved me because he thought his actions should have shown it. Don't get me wrong, he's a great person, but for a while, it was like he was my grampa and not my dad. About a year ago was when things totally changed between us. I grew up more and he grew more emotional. So things since then have been great, even though we would still fight. That's when I started thinking of him as my dad. Now he's dying and I'm cherishig the time I have with him, but I can't help look at the future. He won't be around to see me graduate. He won't be there if I get married. That's what really hurts because he's the one who would have given me away at my wedding. And I don't think I can let my dad do that. So my future is without any real father figure and it hurts like mad, because it's like it was growing up for much of my life.
My father and mother seperated when I was 2 and I went to live with my grandparents. My grampa has been my father. I remember seeing my actual father maybe 5 times from age 2 to 14. That's stretching it. He's been around a lot more lately, but he assumes he can do certain things because he's my dad. Example: He was making fun of my driving and when I told him to stop he said he had to make fun of it. I asked him why and he said "Because I'm your father, I have to tease you." I don't know if I'm explaining this right or not, but I think him saying that was stupid because he may be my biological dad, but not in the way that it counts. To me, he has to work a lot now to ever become my dad. Actually, I think it's too late to ever really be a dad.
My grampa... things were complicated with him. When I turned 10 we started arguing a lot. He has a short temper and would lose it everynow and then. He would never tell me he loved me because he thought his actions should have shown it. Don't get me wrong, he's a great person, but for a while, it was like he was my grampa and not my dad. About a year ago was when things totally changed between us. I grew up more and he grew more emotional. So things since then have been great, even though we would still fight. That's when I started thinking of him as my dad. Now he's dying and I'm cherishig the time I have with him, but I can't help look at the future. He won't be around to see me graduate. He won't be there if I get married. That's what really hurts because he's the one who would have given me away at my wedding. And I don't think I can let my dad do that. So my future is without any real father figure and it hurts like mad, because it's like it was growing up for much of my life.
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My brother(not real brother) has the same problem. It hurts when he talks about not having a father, at least one thats ever there.
Remember, if you are one of God's then you have the greatest Dad in existence. I know words don't help at all, but its true.
In Christ,
Adam.
Remember, if you are one of God's then you have the greatest Dad in existence. I know words don't help at all, but its true.
In Christ,
Adam.
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dreamcatcher
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i can relate to your situation.from the age of 12 to 27 i saw my father once every 4 years or so.my stepdad wasn't mean or angry he is just the type of guy that doesn't say anything to you unless you talked to him 1st and even then it was short and to the point.
the way I got closer to my real dad was chose the job occupation that he had to teach me.we have been very close since.
i wouldn't suggest that to anyone but that's what it took for me.
the way I got closer to my real dad was chose the job occupation that he had to teach me.we have been very close since.
i wouldn't suggest that to anyone but that's what it took for me.
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