My father has divorced my mother (by law she had no choice). It's become evidently clear that he's been having an affair for years and has been lying to his family for years. He has not told us yet, he's still hiding it. My dad has a sister, my aunt. I don't know her well but she's a bubbly friendly woman who's always on facebook and seems to be christian. Soon after my mother is informed that my dad wants a divorce, I find out through facebook my cousin is getting married and she never invited me or my mother. Hurtful and really odd, but I choose to ignore it. Since I've known about the divorce (almost a year now) my Aunt has been distant in comparison to the years before and hasn't reached out to me. Recently my aunt have been hiding things on facebook (I only know because they are doing a lousy job of hiding it). What they are hiding is that my Aunt is in town and the health, state, location of my grandparent. While everyone else knows on their facebook and are being told to be "hush-hush" about it. My mothers family has been kept in the dark. Later my cousin asked if I knew about my grandparents I told her "no" and she went silent and started to hide things on her facebook too. Days later I have to ask her what was going on before she gave some information and politely told me everything was taken care of. Basically "butt-out and don't go see him." even though I didn't ask where he was. Even after telling me the "truth" they are still hiding facebook statues etc.
Obviously they are hiding something else that concerns me. I know there are many reason she could be hiding stuff to "protect" me or the family and she thinks she's doing the right thing... that isn't the point. Manipulation done in kindness is still manipulation. You can't have a relationship without trust. This isn't a lying to Nazis to protect Jews situation. By hiding from me, my trust in her has broken. I don't have years of experience to say, "my Aunt has my best interests at heart" or she isn't as messed up and petty as my Dad is.
I'm flat out tried of this kind of thing and I've been stressed out for days (I'm already under a LOT of stress). I would delete my facebook, but I don't because of other family members and friends. So I'm at the point of deleting my Dad's family off my facebook. I'm done with people who lie or don't know how to have healthy relationships. I want to message my aunt, letting her know how it's hurt me in case she meant no harm. But then I think of all the past blowups when I've approached a friend for not being honest with me or when I've been hurt only for them to attack me and make me out as a villain (partly because I kept getting involved with dysfunctional friends because of my parents, something I recognize now). And I can't help but think now all those recent bad experiences was a warning to avoid a huge blow up with my Aunt, Dad, or even my Dad's whole family.
I know this isn't a simple situation. I wouldn't ask for advice if it was. I've been told to leave it alone by a friend, but she's not a christian. I don't believe it's a "sin" to delete a family member off facebook, my concern is whether or not I should bring up that I'm hurt or at least explain why I'm taking her off my facebook. I don't know if it's my responsibility to make amends or if this is a "pearl before swines" situation.
Obviously they are hiding something else that concerns me. I know there are many reason she could be hiding stuff to "protect" me or the family and she thinks she's doing the right thing... that isn't the point. Manipulation done in kindness is still manipulation. You can't have a relationship without trust. This isn't a lying to Nazis to protect Jews situation. By hiding from me, my trust in her has broken. I don't have years of experience to say, "my Aunt has my best interests at heart" or she isn't as messed up and petty as my Dad is.
I'm flat out tried of this kind of thing and I've been stressed out for days (I'm already under a LOT of stress). I would delete my facebook, but I don't because of other family members and friends. So I'm at the point of deleting my Dad's family off my facebook. I'm done with people who lie or don't know how to have healthy relationships. I want to message my aunt, letting her know how it's hurt me in case she meant no harm. But then I think of all the past blowups when I've approached a friend for not being honest with me or when I've been hurt only for them to attack me and make me out as a villain (partly because I kept getting involved with dysfunctional friends because of my parents, something I recognize now). And I can't help but think now all those recent bad experiences was a warning to avoid a huge blow up with my Aunt, Dad, or even my Dad's whole family.
I know this isn't a simple situation. I wouldn't ask for advice if it was. I've been told to leave it alone by a friend, but she's not a christian. I don't believe it's a "sin" to delete a family member off facebook, my concern is whether or not I should bring up that I'm hurt or at least explain why I'm taking her off my facebook. I don't know if it's my responsibility to make amends or if this is a "pearl before swines" situation.
