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Subscribe Unsubscribe Change E-mail View Archive Faith Enough to Move a WhaleBryan HuppertsAug 13, 2003
SheepTrax is an ezine of humor, insight, and Christian teaching, featuring the wit, wisdom and deepthinking of Bryan Hupperts. Please forward this message!
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August 1, 2003
Faith Enough to Move a Whale
Hi, SheepTrax!
In light of recent events, it is hard to believe that something exploding can still be funny. Urban legends abound on the Internet where jokes now zip along near the speed of light bouncing from one side of this planet to the next. And what could be funnier than a joke about an exploding whale raining flaming blubber on all present except, of course, when the freakish fiction happens to be completely true. Yes, this really happened.
It was 1970, and Yes, Virginia, an 8 ton, 45-foot whale really did wash up on a beach in Oregon. Alas, the mighty leviathan from the deep arrived fin tagged, D.O.A. thats Dead On Arrival, for those of you who dont happen to haunt morgues. Our frolicking, frisky humpback had been eternally beached; her timbers had been shivered for the last time, her anchors away forever. She had gone for her eternal swim to that great Aquarium in the sky.
Our succumbed humpback slept with the fishes until her putrefied, decomposing carcass unexpectedly washed up on the beach. A mountain of decaying fish flesh attracts more than just morbidly curious tourists and something had to be done immediately.
So what to do with the considerable remains of a dead whale, specifically a vile, stinky, festering pile of blubber and bone? Sure, if Clifford the Big Red Dog were about, he might be able to bury it but face it; too much fertilizer can burn your plants. And is 8 tons of inanimate whale cadaver ever a boatload of organic fertilizer!
Alas, Green Peace. This was one whale that could not be saved.
After consulting the gooroos of the Oregon State Highway Department, the decision was made to dynamite the dead whale into oblivion. Neil Armstrong had made it to the moon, so why not give the whale a shot? And what the explosives didnt get, the area scavengers would surely finish off. As a guy who has fished with M-80s, I could have warned them that this was not a good idea, but did they bother to ask me? To conclude that they overestimated the amount of dynamite required to finish the job would be the mother of all understatements.
It helps to put the incident into perspective by thinking of it as blowing a car tire - the size of city hall. Explosive experts concocted a recipe for disaster, and what they got was Shamu flambé. After carefully positioning the dynamite, and moving spectators to what was laughably assumed to be a safe distance, the whales blowhole gave one final belching Hurrah for the guppy, err, gipper, and Lil Moby went Ka-BLOOOIE!
Sailors used to use whale oil to fuel lamps. When our incendiary humpback exploded, it spattered flaming blubber for more than a quarter mile in every direction. It was fish stick flambé; Apocalypse Now!, aquatic style.
Puff, and the magic dragon was gone! The cheering mutated in to horrific screaming as onlookers began diving for safety as the remaining whale remains rained down in glorious streaking chunks of flaming fish lard. It was like having a 45-foot long child projectile vomit partially digested carrots and creamed peas smack and I do mean smack! - right into your face. Some of these chunks were big enough to crush nearby cars.
No humans were seriously injured during the nuking of this whale.
I understand that Chicken Little was present standing simpatico with the expectant scavengers. In the aftermath of the detonation, covered with incendiary whale cremains, she started screeching hysterically, all the while staring straight ahead sporting a sudden zombie-like glaze. She kept shrieking, The sky is falling! C.L. was later diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder and is recovering in an undisclosed quiet padded room. She later had the name Ahab tattooed somewhere on her dark meat and took to feeding sea gulls Alka-Seltzer tablets.
Alas, sea gulls cant burp, if you catch my drift.
Note that the whale was already long dead before being discharged into the atmosphere. Perhaps the dearly departed had given yet another rebellious prophet like Johan a ride, and this one left a bad taste in her mouth. Rebellious prophets have certainly left a bad taste in my mouth! Anyway, the whale was long dead long before her dynamite suppository was administered.
Seriously, it took cases of dynamite to remove the remains of the whale. And sometimes the mountains we need to move are bigger, fouler, and more unmovable than even a dead whale. Good news! Jesus promised, in Acts 1:8, "But you shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you." Power: (in Greek it is the word dunamis), the dynamic, dynamite ability of God that will transform the ordinary mortal into someone with ability and might.
To be witness for Christ, we need dunamis, the indwelling power of His Spirit. When we are so empowered, even the demons will see the church glorious and triumphant and run away, run away! like Chicken Little squawking, Thar she blows!
Truly, the gates of whale shall not prevail!
Bryan Hupperts © 2003
SheepTrax Media
PO Box 270256
St. Louis, MO 63126
USA
deepsheep@sheeptrax.com
http://www.sheeptrax.com
http://sheeptrax.injesus.com
SheepTrax Media is supported wholly by our readers. How many pastors do you think are brave enough to let me in to speak? Alas, not many.
LEGAL STUFF: Permission is granted to forward this writing provided is is not done for profit. The message, header, contact information, and copyright notice must remain intact. Thank you.
Visit My InJesus to manage your subscriptions, change your profile, or check out thousands of other great ministry groups. If you do not have access to the web, you can use these addresses to unsubscribe or subscribe:Unsubscribe: Sheeptrax-unsubscribe@MyInJesus.comSubscribe: Sheeptrax-subscribe@MyInJesus.com
Submitted by Richard
Subscribe Unsubscribe Change E-mail View Archive Faith Enough to Move a WhaleBryan HuppertsAug 13, 2003
SheepTrax is an ezine of humor, insight, and Christian teaching, featuring the wit, wisdom and deepthinking of Bryan Hupperts. Please forward this message!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
August 1, 2003
Faith Enough to Move a Whale
Hi, SheepTrax!
In light of recent events, it is hard to believe that something exploding can still be funny. Urban legends abound on the Internet where jokes now zip along near the speed of light bouncing from one side of this planet to the next. And what could be funnier than a joke about an exploding whale raining flaming blubber on all present except, of course, when the freakish fiction happens to be completely true. Yes, this really happened.
It was 1970, and Yes, Virginia, an 8 ton, 45-foot whale really did wash up on a beach in Oregon. Alas, the mighty leviathan from the deep arrived fin tagged, D.O.A. thats Dead On Arrival, for those of you who dont happen to haunt morgues. Our frolicking, frisky humpback had been eternally beached; her timbers had been shivered for the last time, her anchors away forever. She had gone for her eternal swim to that great Aquarium in the sky.
Our succumbed humpback slept with the fishes until her putrefied, decomposing carcass unexpectedly washed up on the beach. A mountain of decaying fish flesh attracts more than just morbidly curious tourists and something had to be done immediately.
So what to do with the considerable remains of a dead whale, specifically a vile, stinky, festering pile of blubber and bone? Sure, if Clifford the Big Red Dog were about, he might be able to bury it but face it; too much fertilizer can burn your plants. And is 8 tons of inanimate whale cadaver ever a boatload of organic fertilizer!
Alas, Green Peace. This was one whale that could not be saved.
After consulting the gooroos of the Oregon State Highway Department, the decision was made to dynamite the dead whale into oblivion. Neil Armstrong had made it to the moon, so why not give the whale a shot? And what the explosives didnt get, the area scavengers would surely finish off. As a guy who has fished with M-80s, I could have warned them that this was not a good idea, but did they bother to ask me? To conclude that they overestimated the amount of dynamite required to finish the job would be the mother of all understatements.
It helps to put the incident into perspective by thinking of it as blowing a car tire - the size of city hall. Explosive experts concocted a recipe for disaster, and what they got was Shamu flambé. After carefully positioning the dynamite, and moving spectators to what was laughably assumed to be a safe distance, the whales blowhole gave one final belching Hurrah for the guppy, err, gipper, and Lil Moby went Ka-BLOOOIE!
Sailors used to use whale oil to fuel lamps. When our incendiary humpback exploded, it spattered flaming blubber for more than a quarter mile in every direction. It was fish stick flambé; Apocalypse Now!, aquatic style.
Puff, and the magic dragon was gone! The cheering mutated in to horrific screaming as onlookers began diving for safety as the remaining whale remains rained down in glorious streaking chunks of flaming fish lard. It was like having a 45-foot long child projectile vomit partially digested carrots and creamed peas smack and I do mean smack! - right into your face. Some of these chunks were big enough to crush nearby cars.
No humans were seriously injured during the nuking of this whale.
I understand that Chicken Little was present standing simpatico with the expectant scavengers. In the aftermath of the detonation, covered with incendiary whale cremains, she started screeching hysterically, all the while staring straight ahead sporting a sudden zombie-like glaze. She kept shrieking, The sky is falling! C.L. was later diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder and is recovering in an undisclosed quiet padded room. She later had the name Ahab tattooed somewhere on her dark meat and took to feeding sea gulls Alka-Seltzer tablets.
Alas, sea gulls cant burp, if you catch my drift.
Note that the whale was already long dead before being discharged into the atmosphere. Perhaps the dearly departed had given yet another rebellious prophet like Johan a ride, and this one left a bad taste in her mouth. Rebellious prophets have certainly left a bad taste in my mouth! Anyway, the whale was long dead long before her dynamite suppository was administered.
Seriously, it took cases of dynamite to remove the remains of the whale. And sometimes the mountains we need to move are bigger, fouler, and more unmovable than even a dead whale. Good news! Jesus promised, in Acts 1:8, "But you shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you." Power: (in Greek it is the word dunamis), the dynamic, dynamite ability of God that will transform the ordinary mortal into someone with ability and might.
To be witness for Christ, we need dunamis, the indwelling power of His Spirit. When we are so empowered, even the demons will see the church glorious and triumphant and run away, run away! like Chicken Little squawking, Thar she blows!
Truly, the gates of whale shall not prevail!
Bryan Hupperts © 2003
SheepTrax Media
PO Box 270256
St. Louis, MO 63126
USA
deepsheep@sheeptrax.com
http://www.sheeptrax.com
http://sheeptrax.injesus.com
SheepTrax Media is supported wholly by our readers. How many pastors do you think are brave enough to let me in to speak? Alas, not many.
LEGAL STUFF: Permission is granted to forward this writing provided is is not done for profit. The message, header, contact information, and copyright notice must remain intact. Thank you.
Visit My InJesus to manage your subscriptions, change your profile, or check out thousands of other great ministry groups. If you do not have access to the web, you can use these addresses to unsubscribe or subscribe:Unsubscribe: Sheeptrax-unsubscribe@MyInJesus.comSubscribe: Sheeptrax-subscribe@MyInJesus.com
Submitted by Richard
