Failing Marriages

[scairy]

Wasn't sure where to post this.

Why is it that marriages are failing at such a high rate? God intended man and woman to be together. How could such a beautifully thought and created phenomenon have such a high failure rate? Does it have something to do with relationships consisting of sex in short-term relationships or relationships prior to marriage? Does perhaps having sex prior to marriage create a drug like experience where even upon marriage the individual misses the freedom to have more than one sexual partner? Or does it have more to do with some kind of ideal that we have in our heads that marriage will be heavenly with no big bumps and upon hitting bumps we question whether the relationship is worth it? I could be wrong but I don't think God said that marriage would be easy. So perhaps our view of it isn't realistic?

Feel free to add your comments. I have a similar comments to add to this thread or another later.

 

[Adriac]

Maybe your premise is false.

 

[BereanTodd]

Marraige is failing for many reasons. People are marrying for wrong reasons. We are indoctrinated by culture to expect things from marriage that aren't intended. We live in an extremely self-centered "me-me" culture. Sex outside of marriage. Sex all over our society, and we buy into it and think nothing of it. Television programs and movies that attack family values. Two-income homes are much more stressful and less desireable for a strong marraige, but are almost a nescesity for most in todays economic and materialistic climate. Fewer people in western society have deeply felt, held and acted upon religious convictions. Should I keep going?

 

[flicka]

People are marrying for wrong reasons.

I don't know there there are any right/wrong reasons. People look for different things out of marriage.

We are indoctrinated by culture to expect things from marriage that aren't intended.

Agreed.

Two-income homes are much more stressful and less desireable for a strong marraige, but are almost a nescesity for most in todays economic and materialistic climate.

I don't think one income families that stay together because the wife has no financial means of leaving can be considered a "win" for the no-divorce camp.

Fewer people in western society have deeply felt, held and acted upon religious convictions.

And on the flip side some that DO have deeply held religious convictions have warped the idea of love/sex/marriage so badly that the reality can't live up to the expectations, which cause the marriage to fail.

The reasons are as varied as the people involved. Perhaps the idea of one marriage and happily ever after has just run it's course and a new model for successful living will replace it.

 

[BereanTodd]

I don't know there there are any right/wrong reasons. People look for different things out of marriage.

Marrying someone because they are "hot" and the sex is great isn't a bad/wrong reason? I disagree with you.

I would also add to my above post that there is a disconnect with the word 'love'. Today we 'love' everything from our favorite tv show, to the coke we drink to the person we marry. Marital love, the love we are called by God to have towards a spouse, has nothing to do with feelings. Feelings come and go, love - true love, godly love - is a choice, an act of the will, it comes from one's character and is not changed because our 'feelings' are up or down today.

I don't think one income families that stay together because the wife has no financial means of leaving can be considered a "win" for the no-divorce camp.

Are the few cases of that worth the millions of homes where the wife is stressed out, overworked, and resentful of her husband, and there is no time for bonding or truly growing because both are so wrapped up in careers? How many broken homes are a result. A one-income family is the ideal, and the divorce rate of the two (one-income vs. two-income) bears that out.

And on the flip side some that DO have deeply held religious convictions have warped the idea of love/sex/marriage

If they have a warped idea of love, sex and marriage (which I agree) then their walk with God can't be all that close my good sister ...

The reasons are as varied as the people involved.

Agreed here.

Perhaps the idea of one marriage and happily ever after has just run it's course and a new model for successful living will replace it.

Nonsense. God's plan is timeless. Our society is sick, twisted, warped and nearing the point of being beyond help.

 

[Paulos23]

Thinking that love will make a marriage last is foolish. A marriage is work, it is not easy going. If you thing love will keep it together, your going to be in for a surprise, you need more. Commitment, trust, friendship, and partnership will hold a marriage together longer then love.

However, there still should be an out for marriages that fail. Some people just can't live their lives together and should part. Should a wife put up with a cheating husband? Or the reverse? Should a spouse put up with an abusive spouse? Or what if they both just decide that they both will be better off on their own?

 

[The Nihilist]

Marraige is failing for many reasons. People are marrying for wrong reasons. We are indoctrinated by culture to expect things from marriage that aren't intended. We live in an extremely self-centered "me-me" culture. Sex outside of marriage. Sex all over our society, and we buy into it and think nothing of it. Television programs and movies that attack family values. Two-income homes are much more stressful and less desireable for a strong marraige, but are almost a nescesity for most in todays economic and materialistic climate. Fewer people in western society have deeply felt, held and acted upon religious convictions. Should I keep going?

Whine whine whine, blah blah blah, sad sad sad! People are getting divorced because they no longer do what God says! Oh NOES!!!!!11111

Divorce rates are considerably higher among conservative Christians than they are among either the population in general or atheists. Do you maybe want to reconsider your response?

 

[flicka]

Nonsense. God's plan is timeless. Our society is sick, twisted, warped and nearing the point of being beyond help.

I disagree . I think society, on the whole, is getting better for everyone. Except maybe people who want everyone to live according to their interpretation of the Bible. Those folks will never be happy because it will never happen.

 

[bammertheblue]

I disagree . I think society, on the whole, is getting better for everyone. Except maybe people who want everyone to live according to their interpretation of the Bible. Those folks will never be happy because it will never happen.

I second this! Of course, we're not perfect, and maybe never will be, but in the past century or so we've made HUGE strides in racial and gender equality. Just those two things alone are a pretty convincing reason that we're doing a lot better than we used to be.

 

[christalee4]

Or does it have more to do with some kind of ideal that we have in our heads that marriage will be heavenly with no big bumps and upon hitting bumps we question whether the relationship is worth it? I could be wrong but I don't think God said that marriage would be easy.

I don't think God was putting in his two cents worth, on the ups and downs of marriage, like Dr. Phil anywhere. But I could be wrong.

But I do think people have a lot of unrealistic expectations coming into a marriage. I don't think it's because of the sex issue, that a lot of people like to focus on around here, but more in our culture of money and materialism, and how it affects relationships. One of the primary stressors in marriage is money; which ranges from struggles on paying bills, overextending ourselves with things we think we need, to arguments over money and bills. Children is the next issue that couples argue most over. Statistics show that the younger people get married, the lower income they have, the more likely they will be divorced. "Affective reasons" is the most cited reason for divorce, ie., the couple is no longer compatible, no longer has love in the relationship, lack of communication, lack of common interests, growing apart.

http://divorcesupport.about.com/gi/...bts=0&zu=http://www.smartmarriages.com/7.html

http://www.aifs.gov.au/institute/pubs/WP20.pdf

 

[JesusWalks78]

People are just not being careful with spouse selection. AMrriages break down because of incompatibilities.....if people took there time and had some sort of selection process then the rate wouldnt be so shockingly high.

 

[amused]

People get divorced for all kinda of reasons. We are all human and sin. Its going to happen. I dont think anything can be put into a box at all. There are plenty of catalysts in the brake up of a marriage. Sometimes a marriage can't be saved and sometimes it shouldnt be. We have to remember that not everyone is the same as everyone else. No one can know someone totally and we shouldnt judge anyone as a failure if their marriage breaks up. Life is so much more complicated than that.
I think God is more realistic than we sometimes give Him credit for.

cheers

 

[quatona]

Wasn't sure where to post this.

Why is it that marriages are failing at such a high rate? God intended man and woman to be together. How could such a beautifully thought and created phenomenon have such a high failure rate?

Well, I don´t believe in any gods, so I work from different premises.

Does it have something to do with relationships consisting of sex in short-term relationships or relationships prior to marriage?

I think this is an inaccurate observation in itself. A convenient stereotype.

Does perhaps having sex prior to marriage create a drug like experience where even upon marriage the individual misses the freedom to have more than one sexual partner?

I have seen quite some funny redefinitions from Christians, but I have never seen experience called a "drug". Remarkable. It speaks volumes.
Other than that this, experience does definitely play a part in seeing a greater number of options to lead one´s life.

Or does it have more to do with some kind of ideal that we have in our heads that marriage will be heavenly with no big bumps and upon hitting bumps we question whether the relationship is worth it? I could be wrong but I don't think God said that marriage would be easy. So perhaps our view of it isn't realistic?

Marriage used to be almost necessary for survival. Husband and wife were downright depending on each other in pragmatical issues. Marriage has lost a lot of its practical reasons and purposes. With marriage being by and large practically obsolete, people of course are more likely to give it up if it is unsatisfactory than in a situation where both depend on it. This would be a realistic way of looking at it. Conditions have changed, and the attitude has changed along with them.

 

[judy]

Wasn't sure where to post this.

Why is it that marriages are failing at such a high rate? God intended man and woman to be together. How could such a beautifully thought and created phenomenon have such a high failure rate? Does it have something to do with relationships consisting of sex in short-term relationships or relationships prior to marriage? Does perhaps having sex prior to marriage create a drug like experience where even upon marriage the individual misses the freedom to have more than one sexual partner? Or does it have more to do with some kind of ideal that we have in our heads that marriage will be heavenly with no big bumps and upon hitting bumps we question whether the relationship is worth it? I could be wrong but I don't think God said that marriage would be easy. So perhaps our view of it isn't realistic?

Feel free to add your comments. I have a similar comments to add to this thread or another later.

People aren't naturally monogomous. Marriage is a man-made institution that in the past was more adhered to because of society's pressures. Women didn't have the earning power and the ability to leave a bad marriage, men were shamed into supporting women they no longer loved and just fooled around in secret.