Failed Relationship (not all bad)

[cryton]

Last summer, I met this girl at a Christian festival, we exchanged numbers and one thing led to another, we ended up getting together. The relationship went on for about 5 months and then I started finding things out about her, I had thought she was a Christian from the beginning but she had just been acting, she is brought up in a Christian home and knows it all, she did make a commitment at one stage but she has went her own way. As this all started to be released to me I started to get depressed and had terrible feelings I couldn’t get rid of, for the first time in my life I felt rock bottom and I didn’t even know why I was feeling this way. Later she told me she had not been a Christian since the summer, but I really don’t know what to believe anymore. Although I was annoyed she had put up an act.

I wasn’t exactly walking the talk either, although. I thought I was okay, and when I started to get depressed about things I cried out to god for the first time in my life. I recommitted myself and gave him everything, for the first time since I was a child. My burdens where lifted instantly, god had worked a miracle, and for the first time in my life I can safely say I’m saved and love god, I’m no longer ashamed of Jesus. I told her everything that had happened, and she asked if it changed anything between our relationship, I said no. But a week later she ended things, and If I hadn’t recommitted myself to the lord the week before, I would never of been able to cope, I had really gotten attached to her and it seems she hadn’t felt the same way, although I honestly couldn’t say because she has all these barriers up and just wants to do her own thing, I just don’t know anymore, and the more I think about everything it gets me worked up.

I still like this girl a lot, I could stay in contact with her if I wanted, but I think its best I don’t because It wont help the fact I’m trying to get rid of the feelings I still have for her, everything reminds me of her, there are some days I say ‘lord, you have a reason for everything, nothing happens that’s not part of your will for my life. But then other days I just feel so down, and cant stop thinking about the memories and feel there is no good way out of this situation, it kills me.

On top of that, I now have a passion to see her saved, although now I’m asking the question, ‘why do I want to see her saved, for the lord, or for myself’. I suppose its good to test myself, I could be leading myself up a garden path if I just prayed and ignored these things. If I’m honest all I want is for her to find her feet again, and be transformed... Literally, it’s going to take a transformation for her to change her ways. And then if she got saved we may get back together. But that’s what I want and it may not be what god wants for me. I have known her for about 8 or 9 months and went with her for about 5 months, I feel like it meant nothing to her and that really hurts, I feel like she’s forgotten me, where as everything reminds me of her. Grr!

Like I said earlier, everything happens for a reason and there is a plan for everything, its gods plan for our lives. I fully believe god brought her across my path to use her to transform my life, although I do struggle with feelings and the whole thing, I’ve never felt so close to god and have never had such a personal relationship with him, now I know god used her to change me, (and she didn’t even do anything!!!) I wonder if god now wants to use me to change her, maybe not... I just don’t know. There is a huge evangelism crusade coming to where I live in 4 weeks, and the last I spoke to her, I made her promise to go with me and she promised. My prayer everyday until then is that she would get saved at the crusade;(as well as the others I will be inviting) I’m just petrified that deep down I only want her saved for myself. And I know I also have to be prepared for her staying in her seat when the speaker comes to the alter call. And what if she does find god, and god does use me for his work, but we are still not to be together... I need to be prepared for that. Its one big mess, sorry for boring everyone reading, but I’m just hoping and praying there are people on here who have been through something similar and can advice me as to what to do, about the days I do feel down about things... I know the devil is going to attack me a lot more now that God has a firm grip on me, and leading up to this crusade I have also been trying to witness to friends, so I know I will be attacked, I just need to be able overcome these attacks. Writing this has helped for the time being so at least its been worth while!

“But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold. My feet have closely followed his steps; I have kept to his way without turning aside.”-Job23:10-11

Use me for your glory lord., have you way in my life.
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God bless.

 

[goldenviolet]

you sound very wise in your assessment of things. the most important thing we can imprint upon you is that relationships send us on many journeys of the heart and lessons by exsperiance. so, this is quite normal. it also reflect your thirst to grow deeper in Christ. relationships are like our personalities. our personalities are made up of different exsperiances, likes, dislikes, our mental understanding etc. ... except relationships shape things about us that relate to social things. and these types of exsperiances to do with our personalities, are continual lessons. as long as you live; relationships, abstinance, marriage, or celebacy; there is just different levels of relationships. both healthy and unhealthy. so, anyhow... i commend you on how well you are sorting this out; and your resolve to make it through the ups and downs. xo dee

 

[Anti Existance]

Your life is your problem, its YOU who makes YOU happy. Not some woman nor God, start thinking for yourself instead of letting God or other people do the thinking for you. Bring the power of your life back where it belongs, namely in your hands.

At this moment now you are putting your heart into the hands of this girl and other people, allowing them to play with your emotions like a soccerball.

My friend you need to start protecting yourself, and not allowing bad things from the outside world into your heart,were it will merely disturb the harmony. And even more this girl hasn't been honest to you about her Christianity, she merely said that in order to make you like her. What other means does she grab in order to make you like her?

You are mixing your crusade to gain souls with your personal emotions, and when you say that you want her to be saved, and then also say that you fear that deep in your heart you might want her for personal means, just means you are a normal guy and would like to have sex with her and be close together in a relationship with her.

You might remember how the apostles all left their wives in order to do the work of God. You must decide to whom you devote your life to, your gf or God. Although combinations are possible they won't give such a strong full fledged effect if one would choose for either one of them. Its really up to you on what you want, but one thing that disturbs me is that you would have most likely rejected her if she wasn't a Christian , there's no word in the bible that christians have to be solemnly married to other christians.

Look some people need to be saved, and some people need to save themselves. If i were you id try to save her for Gods glory. You are waiting for someone's blessing, but again be your own judge,jury and executor, its your life that you have in your hands. Act now!!!