Ezzo's Babywise

[gnine]

I'll try start a poll.... "what do you think about the Ezzo's Babywise?"

We are expecting our first child in late April '05 and I've read through part of the Christian version of this parenting philosophy, and I'm afraid that much of what they bring up as biblical evidence for the practices are just plain bunkem.

We switched to the secular version, so that way I'm not distracted by tenuous theology (the book is badly enough layed out as it is), and I'm interested to know whether the philosophy works in practice.

With all this critizism, we are friends with many parents who reckon that it does work - despite all its faults.

Question is... for those parents who have tried it, what do you reckon?

Can anyone recommend a parenting book that doesn't have the appalling theology of this one?

 

[BeanMak]

Kids grow up because of, or inspite of what you do.

I for one, could NOT stand a crying baby. I could never let a baby "cry it out" And I never believed that babies can be spoiled. I never had anything more important to do than hold and cuddle my babies. I made rules when they were old enough to understand them, and tried my best to enforce them with explainations and time outs.

 

[RedTulipMom]

Ezzo is dangerous in his theology and his parenting ideas. do a search at google.com for ezzo and you will be surprised what you find! There have been many Failure to thrive babies from parents following his philosophy of feeding schedules. Especially for breastfeeding moms! newborns eat every 1-3 hours from the breast, not every 3-4 hours! breastmilk digests in 2 hours, formula digests in 4 hours..you cant follow his schedule for breastfeeding or your milk supply will run short and your baby will start starving! BEWARE!!!
karen

 

[okiemommy26]

I have never read it. I just do what i feel is right. Its worked so far.

 

[Entertaining_Angels]

I don't believe in 'parenting methods'. The Ezzos, Dr Sears, et al have never met your baby. Every baby is different and if you don't believe me, meet my two kiddos. My son was more an attachment parenting type of kid who thrived best under that care. My daughter is completely the opposite and does not like to be held much at all and our style was more Ezzo-like with her.

I've met parents who try to box their kids into one way of 'parenting' and it can fail miserably depending on the child. My sister took the GKGW classes and one of her kids is not that type of child and he is just unhappy. Another friend smothered her child with Sear's parenting methods and that kid is just the biggest brat (I hate that word but in this case, it applies) now.

My best advice, if you need parenting help, take all the advice you can from many sources and apply what fits best in your child's life.

 

[katelyn]

My best advice, if you need parenting help, take all the advice you can from many sources and apply what fits best in your child's life.

Although I haven't officially started parenting yet, this makes a lot of sense to me.

 

[RadicalRabbit]

ask the american peadiatricx acaddamy what they think of mr ezzo.

we have done his courses... and frankly our children were scared of us during the tiem we applyed his discipline methods. and babywise is really scarey!

 

[lucypevensie]

I must be a super-scary mommy then because I applied much of the Babywise principle with our son. BABYWISE NEVER EVER EVER EVER ADVOCATES STARVING YOUR BABY! And if someone does it's because they're not understanding the priciples or have not even read the whole book. OK....that's all said What it does is give guidelines on how to help your baby get onto a sleeping/eating schedule. Perhaps some babies truly do not thrive on this principle but I know a lot of babies that do. My own son was chubby and full of energy.

If someone's truly concerned or afraid this might not be the best approach to parenting then that's fine, you don't have to try it. But for me it gave me some sense of sanity with my extremely challenging, fussy newborn. He did sleep through the night at 8 weeks.

 

[bliz]

Burn the Ezzo book. Don't throw it away - someone else may find it and use it!

First, I tend to avoid taking advice from people who misuse and distort scripture. For example - I hardly consider it OK to let a baby "cry it out" becasue God let Jesus cry from the cross "My God! My God! Why have you forsaken me?" God also allowed His Son to be tortured, should we consider that as a method of punishment?

Having babies and raising children is a messy and at times chaotic business. Wouldn't it be nice if we could make it all happen on a schedule? Unfortunatly humans, children and adults, do not always conform to some artificial schedule. A baby's need to eat when it's hungry is not a power play or a threat to parents making the rules in a family. If it makes it easier, make a rule that all babies eat whenever they are hungry.

I have known many famlies who have attempted Ezzoing their kids. Most bailed out, sadder and wiser... but those who were "sucessful" have the most fearful, over controlled kids I've ever seen.

 

[CarrieAg93]

I'm another one of those awful parents who used Ezzo's techniques. THEY WORK!!! Lucy is right in that Ezzo DOES NOT advocate starving your children. It says in the book that feeding your children every 3 - 4 is a RECOMMENDED goal. He says if they are hungry after 2 hrs to feed them. DUH!! He also states that breast fed babies need to eat more often. The worst thing Ezzo recommends it to wake your baby up to feed him so he eats on a schedule. How terrible. Both my boys (ages 2 & 4)are non-picky eaters. At bedtime all we do it put them to bed and they go to sleep and they stay there ALL night. We have many friends who battle their kids every night to get them to go to bed. No thanks! We're TTC #3 and he/she will be an Ezzo baby too.

 

[elizabethevangeline]

I used the Ezzo principles with my two children. It was a life saver.



From personal observation (& shared observations from some friends who found Babywise principles beneficial) it really seemed that those who had problems using Ezzo methods tended to struggle with flexibility and adapting concepts to personal circumstances.



My sons were very different babies and adapting to their personalities and needs was very important. Firstborn stuggled to latch-on (tongue thrust + inverted nipples) and needed supplemental food, he was constantly sleepy. We had to wake him to eat every 3 hrs...he would keep sleeping. Secondborn, latched on like a pro. But because of a cleft lip he also got a lot of air, and he had a reflux problem. I would try to stretch him out to 3 hrs because his digestive system needed a chance to rest.

Firstborn, great sleeper, prefered to comfort himself. Secondborn, needed more help getting to sleep, and could cry for 2 hrs on temper...even if I held, fed, changed him. I quickly realized that he cannot be allowed to "cry it out". I still expected him to sleep in his crib...but I spent many hours standing there holding his hand then quietly leaving the room!



My favorite principles: Eat, Play, Sleep! Listen, Think, Pray, Take Action. Room Time.
I gained confidence in my ability to evaluate our situation and respond appropriately. Structure and boundaries can help a child thrive, not just be used to control them. And the basic sign language was great! Notice that Baby signing is now mainstream?

That said, I probably wasn't the most hardcore adherent to the book, especially past the toddler stage. And I agree that some scripture is used when it just wasn't neccessary or appropriate.

 

[Tini]

It works - but BEWARE - there are a lot of negatives around this. Do a bit of research on the net about it.


DO NOT be legalistic about applying it - but some of the principles can make life easier - we did our 1st son without and aur second with Ezzo's principles.

Did make a difference - but be careful.

Cheers and God bless

 

[Cello]

I'll try start a poll.... "what do you think about the Ezzo's Babywise?"

We are expecting our first child in late April '05 and I've read through part of the Christian version of this parenting philosophy, and I'm afraid that much of what they bring up as biblical evidence for the practices are just plain bunkem.

We switched to the secular version, so that way I'm not distracted by tenuous theology (the book is badly enough layed out as it is), and I'm interested to know whether the philosophy works in practice.

With all this critizism, we are friends with many parents who reckon that it does work - despite all its faults.

Question is... for those parents who have tried it, what do you reckon?

Can anyone recommend a parenting book that doesn't have the appalling theology of this one?

Take it with a grain of salt and a lot of prayer.....I agree with the others that say the Ezzo principles are not about starving a baby or whatever and people that think so are misinterpretting it or are simply listening to sensationalized second hand stuff. Not that there probably haven;t been 'bad outcomes' the same as there are bad outcomes with people who try to follow any method or people woh have no method. Its not isolated.

I also agree with those who say - read around - apply what you think is best. Take it to GOd in prayer. I approach parenting MUCH differently with my 3 year old than I did with my 16 year old. Part of what I go with now is Graced Based Discipline and Gentle mothering - a sort of cross between AP and Ezzo, and my personal beliefs on growth and development.

Use the board here as you go along- as questions for feedback, and then again, take it all with a grain of salt. My only REAL parenting advice is to think about goals (long term and short term) way before you start, and remember its 99.9% about their heart. One good recommendation for a book is Shepherding a Childs Heart by Tedd Tripp. I have not read it yet (but I have it) and it came highly recommended to me. Its not a baby book, but the philosophy you begin with will shape your relationship with your future toddler, child, adolscent..

Best to you!!

 

[Leanna]

Well, I can tell you what I know. I read a lot of parenting books so that I can take bits from here and there and make them my own. I have read this book but I can't say for sure what I took from this book and what I took from somewhere else. I can't remember. But I think I did take their ideas on how to get your baby to sleep through the night.

I can tell you one thing, both my sister in law and myself did the SAME thing with our newborns to teach them to sleep through the night and we are the only people I know or have met whose baby sleeps through the night 10-12 hours. Everyone else I meet says "how did you do that? my baby still wakes up in the middle of the night and she's 3!" He goes to bed at 8pm and wakes up around 7:20am without fail. My baby is 4 months now. He started sleeping 6 hours, waking up for one feeding, and then going back to sleep at 6 weeks. By 8 weeks he slept 8 hours, one feeding then back to bed, and by 10 weeks he slept 8-7am.

So whether we like how strict he/she is or not.... all I know is I have a baby that sleeps through the night and I AM VERY HAPPY ABOUT IT.

PS I know some babies have more trouble with sleeping than others. However, if it weren't that the only other person I know how did it my same way had the same result I would think it was just luck. But I don't think it is.

 

[Avaya]

I didn't use babywise, but I have friends who did and one thing that stands out for me is the sign language. I had one baby in the church nursery who used this and it was AWESOME.

We did use the one for adolesents. It is awesesome. We use the interrupt rule always and it is just the greatest thing since sliced bread.

As with ANY parenting guide, I recommend reading it and using what applies in your family and ignoring what doesn't.

 

[ScarletRubies]

I didn't answer the poll, because there wasn't an answer suitable. I believe that it "works" fine, but I don't think it's beneficial.

The first couple of chapters, my husband and I loved Babywise... "hey, this kid isn't going to change our lifestyle!"... but as we prayed and continue to read, alarms bells were clanging. As bliz mentioned in her post, the use of scripture to support crying it out was just... appalling. I belive God asked me, "Ruby, do you believe that's what this verse could ever mean?" and I just had to toss the book - never finished it.

Did do some reading online, and some people have gone to great lengths to discredit the Ezzo's. I don't know if the things reported are true, but certainly there is a lot to be cautious of.

DO NOT BELIEVE that your ONLY options are to have (a) an "ezzo" baby or a baby that stays awake crying to be fed all night. Our dorta out-sleeps MANY "ezzo" babies in our church; was sleeping through at 11 weeks and at 14 months has only been awake at night a handful of times - mostly when WE woke her to take her on a plane!

The scheduled feeding is not too bad, IMO. Sounds like the Ezzo's have changed the program a lot from the beginning, in response to criticism.

Something that has worked wonderfully for us is to have PATTERNS not schedules. Our Dorta goes to bed after dinner, a book, a cuddle and a prayer. It doesn't matter if it is at 7pm or 8pm, at home or elsewhere. That said, she will not do the same with her daytime sleep; she's very stimulated by activity, and from about 6 months of age, stopped napping at church, in her pram etc. I don't think this is a bad thing, and it doesn't upset or anger me - I rarely sleep in church either!!!

Cheers,
Ruby

 

[psychoceramic]

my wife is was a peds nurse for seven years..... and has a very extensive background with children, my sister in law has her masters in child psychology...and they have both said (both are new moms, my wife and i just had in dec our first child together and my sis in law had one last may...) and i agree that no matter "idealogy" you use for raising your child that it takes lots of practice to find the right idea for the right time.


my question is this... if you use only "one" way to raise your child... attachment, ezzo's dr. sears or spock or any one way.. then could you not be destroying a part of your child that God allowed to be there to make your child special to the world?

psycho

 

[Entertaining_Angels]

By the way, remember even if you don't use Ezzo's methods, you can use Baby Sign with your infant. My son was signing by 12 months or so. He could tell us if he wanted milk, juice or a type of food. You'd be amazed at what your baby can tell you before he can even speak. He even got so good that he was making up his own signs for words he didn't know and teaching us. A couple times, his made up signs were awfully close to the real sign.

We did Baby Sign with our daughter who is 19 months but she has not been as interested. She has a few signs like 'please' and 'thank you' but she's an early talker and would rather talk.

Anyhow, although I'm not a big Ezzo fan, I really, really recommend using sign language with your little one.

 

[LynchPin]

It's been several years since I read Babywise and I don't even recall if I read the entire book, but my wife and I applied the concept of using a flexible schedule with predictable patters of sleep, eat, and wake time and both of our kids became good eaters and slept throught the night.

It seems to me the people who are anti-Babywise are forgetting the "flexible" part of the flexible schedule advocated in the book.

Also, the idea of feeding your baby right after they wake up rather than right before they sleep seemed very effective as well. I know a lot of parents who got into the habbit of feeding their kids to sleep and it led to them having to feed them to get them to sleep. It also let to more frequent feedings because they would fall asleep without a full feeding, which just made life much more difficult for the parents.

 

[Entertaining_Angels]

It seems to me the people who are anti-Babywise are forgetting the "flexible" part of the flexible schedule advocated in the book.

Like I said, I'm a big believer in the 'every-baby-is-different' parenting technique and had two good sleepers after the first 4 to 6 weeks. Ezzo parenting had nothing to do with my good sleepers. I think if you figure out what your baby needs, you'll find yourself with a good sleeper more often than not.

I am not anti-BabyWise. I guess I'm anti-put-every-baby-in-the-same-parenting-style box. I suppose I am distrustful of the Ezzos given their history but I think, more importantly, I'd recommend not sticking with any one parenting style.