extremely low self esteem

[DaveKerwin]

I can imagine that this must be very difficult. I have recently understood mroe about how women feel when it comes to self esteem.

But from hearing your story, it seems to me that you have some things in your life that hinder God's work. This is in both your attitude and actions. How committed are you to Jesus Christ and the work of his kingdom?

 

[solnoir]

Presently, in all honesty I am not as committed to God as I should be. It's really hard since I'm the only christian in my family, and my boyfriend is not a christian either. Well, they all are christians, as in they beleive in God and Jesus, but they've never accepted Christ....much less attend church.

I dont know how this will sound, but i'll say it anyways. I accepted Christ about 4 years ago. God used my then boyfriend to bring me to Christ. I though this guy was awesome. He was the first young person I ever met who was devoted to God. It was great. However, as time went on, I saw sooooo much hypocrasy in him and all his friends. That guy was sexually active with me for the two year duration of our relationship. WIthin those 2 years came 4 abortions. This was the same person that I looked up to so much. And that is just one of the many examples of the hypocrasy in church. I could go on listing dozens of other hypocritic church-going friends of mine. Thus, although i havent gone to church in months, I hold a personal relationship w/ God although it is not as close as it should be. I pray everyday, because He's the only true friend I have.


It's just a mess out there and sometimes seeing people act they way they do makes me just want to dissassociate myself from them. God, I dont know what's wrong. SOmetimes I feel like there is something I'm not doing right. I mean I know that I'm a screw-up, but I wish that God would just let me live soley in His presence 24/7.....that would be heaven (no pun intended)

 

[DaveKerwin]

Let me be perfectly honest with you sis, you gotta change your ways. Dating this guy is no good for you, and neither is your present attitude. It seems you have seen no good example of a christian who follows Christ. I am sorry to hear that. Very rarely will you find a person say as Paul did "follow me as I follow Christ." But this is not an excuse because your boyfriend was a bad example. It takes two to tango, so he is not the only one to blame.

This life, while seemingly long, is only very short. It is a mist that appears for a short time then vanishes. Nothing makes sense about this life until we put some Jesus spectacles on and see through those. Time is wasting with your relationship with God. Get on board, and do it soon.

Here is what I recommend
1. Do not be yoked with an unbeliever (2 Corinthians 6:14)
2. Pray more, and listen more!
3. Read the bible daily, allow God to speak to you.
4. Get deeply connected to a local group of believers.

Don't be discouraged, there is much hope in Jesus Christ our Lord !

 

[* kittie *]

i agree with you DaveKerwin, but some people can't just change their attitude at a seconds' notice.  i agree...Christ can heal anyone.  and he will.  but you can't be happy by trying to change yourself.  you need to be willing to let go...which is already difficult. 

like for me, i became more depressed when people began telling me that i had to "do this more and not do such and such".  i already knew that!  it's not like i was stupid or anything.  but there were problems in my life that was much deeper than the self-esteem issues above.  i KNEW that i was messing up everyday.  and because of that, i felt even more guilty.  guilty to the point where i asked God why He even bothered with me.  i even went through periods where i completely did not want to bother with the spiritual matters.  i didn't feel like reading the Bible, cuz everytime i decided i was going to, i would end up crying cuz i hated life.  i was sick of the guilt and the depression.  i knew that the Bible would give me strength.  but i felt that i was too spiritually dead to get anything.  that even if i did, i would be back where i started.  depressed and lonely.

i'm not saying that we should just stay in our situation.  Bible reading is very important.  so is praying.  but i believe that when you're really that down, you need to tell God that you aren't capable of doing anything.  that you need His strength.  it doesn't require that you be an awesome Christian.  it just requires that you have Christ in you...for He is all you need.  the solution to all our problems is in us.  so being honest about your weaknesses is the most important step.  not going on with life, doing spiritual things, and pretending that you're happy.  of course, read the Bible.  but most importantly, confess that you are lonely or whatever.  whatever is bringing you down.  confess that you can't conquer it on your own.  cuz when i'm that weak, i can't even think...much less quote Bible verses.  and then remember the promises He has in you.  i feel like i'm repeating myself, but it's true.  a lot of times, God allows things to happen so that we can remember that all we need is Him.

 

[HesMyAll]

I agree with Dave Kerwin. You need to work on doing what is right. Work on your relationship with God.
Stop looking at the hypocrisy in people; they are not the ones you are supposed to be patterning yourself after. Keep your eyes on Jesus and live as He would have you to live. You will never see any hypocrisy in the Lord.

 

[GateKeeper]

Solnoir,
I believe the relationship with your boyfriend of two years is what really caused mental damage to you. How did 4 abortions happen? After one time it should have stopped and I'm glad you are not with him anymore. I believe you should open yourself and talk to someone about your problems face to face wether it be a preacher or nun or rabai... talk to someone anyone and let them know what it is your going through. How is the relationship with your current boyfriend? I remember reading in another post that you are not sexually active with him which I believe is a positive step forward.
Everyone goes to tough times and everything will be ok for you Solnoir.
The Lord is there for you and so are all of us...

 

[solnoir]

First off, thank you all for replying. This is helping me more than you'll know. However, Eunice, you seem to be right on the money. It's hard to just change and be the "perfect" christian.....I dont even feel like a real christian anymore. I WANT the Lord to do as he pleases in my Life. If I had a nickel for everytime that I've prayed for God to take the steering wheel and drive, I'd be rich.
I wish that God would just inhabit my body 24/7 so I wouldnt have to deal with anything anymore. I wish that I could just leave everything I know and follow Christ wholeheartedly. But it's hard enough trying to convince myself that there is a reason for my very existence. I dont have a callinng (that I know of), and I dont thinkk I've had an impact on anyone (or that God has used me). God knows I'm grateful for everything that He's done in my life, but I just feel like my life has seen more bad days than good days.

DaveKerwin, I just dont see how I can just change my way of life and see things in a glass-half-full type of way.
By the way, the guy that I mentioned before, the one that I had the abortions with, is my ex now (for over 3 years). I know it isnt totally his fault....as a matter of fact, I blame myself for everymistake that has happened.. And it is true the bible says not to yoke w/ unbelievers, but how can I leave my current b/f ? ...afterall, he's done nothing wrong.

I'm sorry if I'm rambling on and sound like whiner. It's just that I'm like a closed book...I never let anyone in., but I feel like I have to let a little steam out.

Thank you all for listening.

 

[HesMyAll]

Originally posted by solnoir
First off, thank you all for replying. This is helping me more than you'll know. However, Eunice, you seem to be right on the money. It's hard to just change and be the "perfect" christian.....I dont even feel like a real christian anymore. I WANT the Lord to do as he pleases in my Life. If I had a nickel for everytime that I've prayed for God to take the steering wheel and drive, I'd be rich.
I wish that God would just inhabit my body 24/7 so I wouldnt have to deal with anything anymore. I wish that I could just leave everything I know and follow Christ wholeheartedly. But it's hard enough trying to convince myself that there is a reason for my very existence. I dont have a callinng (that I know of), and I dont thinkk I've had an impact on anyone (or that God has used me). God knows I'm grateful for everything that He's done in my life, but I just feel like my life has seen more bad days than good days.

DaveKerwin, I just dont see how I can just change my way of life and see things in a glass-half-full type of way.
By the way, the guy that I mentioned before, the one that I had the abortions with, is my ex now (for over 3 years). I know it isnt totally his fault....as a matter of fact, I blame myself for everymistake that has happened.. And it is true the bible says not to yoke w/ unbelievers, but how can I leave my current b/f ? ...afterall, he's done nothing wrong.

I'm sorry if I'm rambling on and sound like whiner. It's just that I'm like a closed book...I never let anyone in., but I feel like I have to let a little steam out.

Thank you all for listening.

You should stop beating yourself up over your past shortcomings.  If God has forgiven you then you need to forgive yourself.

But concerning your boyfriend, you know that you are not supposed to be unequally yoked with an unbeliever whether he has done anything wrong or not is not the point.  The point is that God has warned us against getting into these relationships.  And it seems that you got involved with this young man after you had become a Christian; after you told God that He could have your life.  If you really want God to take the driver's seat then you must be willing to obey Him in all things including your relationships with other.

I will be praying for you.

 

[GateKeeper]

Hesmyall,
I disagree with you, I think Solnoir needs someone close to her and her boyfriend is probably close to her but I don't know. Relationships can help you out of depression even though relationships themselves cause depression. Solnoir I really think you should get some kind of help as I said before from anyone. Talk to your family, your boyfriend, your friends. Let them know what is going on and they will help you. The Lord isn't going to help you directly but he will help you through your relationships ( family, friends, boyfriend ) Swollow your pride and insecurities and open yourself up and speak your mind.
When I've had deep depression I talked it out with friends, no matter how embarrassing or how messed up my problem was. Everyone has their problems and people do understand and you'd be surprised but people actually want to help others.

 

[DaveKerwin]

blueiverson, I agree there is no magical cure for depression, and the mere fact that a person reads God's word means nothing. If you want to hear from God, and you diligently read his word, he WILL speak to you. This is a condition of the heart, not a the physical act of reading.

 

[DaveKerwin]

Originally posted by solnoir

I wish that God would just inhabit my body 24/7 so I wouldnt have to deal with anything anymore. I wish that I could just leave everything I know and follow Christ wholeheartedly. But it's hard enough trying to convince myself that there is a reason for my very existence. I dont have a callinng (that I know of), and I dont thinkk I've had an impact on anyone (or that God has used me).

DaveKerwin, I just dont see how I can just change my way of life and see things in a glass-half-full type of way.
By the way, the guy that I mentioned before, the one that I had the abortions with, is my ex now (for over 3 years). I know it isnt totally his fault....as a matter of fact, I blame myself for everymistake that has happened.. And it is true the bible says not to yoke w/ unbelievers, but how can I leave my current b/f ? ...afterall, he's done nothing wrong.

I'm sorry if I'm rambling on and sound like whiner. It's just that I'm like a closed book...I never let anyone in., but I feel like I have to let a little steam out.

Let me address these three paragraphs you wrote, and one more issue.


1. God will not indwell you so that your decision making and sin disappear. I used to ask God to verbally speak to me because I no longer wanted to question what he wanted with this life of mine. Guess what God did. He spoke in the same still quiet voice he always has, and he did not speak verbally to me. I realized that I was just being lazy, and that I would not persue God very deeply if he spoon fed everything to me. We cannot be a christian with half of who we are. We are either sold out to the work of the Lord, lukewarm, or cold. God said we would be better off being cold than lukewarm. Let me remind you that you do not exist on accident. God has you in his mind before the creation of the world!! So if you ever think that you do not matter, imagine the look on God's face when you say something like that. I think of God saying "WHAT! Are you kidding me!? I knew you before you were even in your mother's womb! I MADE YOU! I have a purpose for you!" If you want to know your spiritual giftedness, and what God's will is, then get deeply connected to him. Do you desire that deep connection? If not, why? If so, what are you willing to do to get it?


2. Self-realization is the first step in change. It seems you realize what the problems are, think on these things more. When you know the areas you need to work on, then you can actually start the work. And this relates to the question on just asked from part one. Do you want God? Do you want what he has for you? This is not sunday school class, no pressure to give the christian answer. If you really want him, are you willing to do what it takes to be close to him? If you were madly in love with a man, you may travel far distances just to see him. Or spend hours making him a special gift, I don't know. But God wants a love relationship with us. We are called the bride of Jesus Christ. WHOA! If you want love with God, then treat him as you would a lover. With that will come the change in your heart, which changes your attitude and outlook on life. Our God is a God of wonders, he can do these things for you. In terms of the guilt aspect, God wants you to move on, read this http://www.christianforums.com/threads/30258.html


3. You said: "As for my current boyfriend....we are currently not sexually active although we do do alternate things." To me, it sounds like you are sexually active without actual intercourse. This is a common struggle, but do not be ok with alternative intimacy, you know where it leads. I would ask you to pray about this. I would also ask that you ask God if he wants you with this guy.


4. You are not rambling, it is our pleasure to hear you and talk with you. Thank you for opening up, it is very important to do that. God instructs us to bear our burdens and confess our sins to each other.


How do you feel today?

 

[HesMyAll]

Originally posted by GateKeeper
Hesmyall,
I disagree with you, I think Solnoir needs someone close to her and her boyfriend is probably close to her but I don't know. Relationships can help you out of depression even though relationships themselves cause depression. Solnoir I really think you should get some kind of help as I said before from anyone. Talk to your family, your boyfriend, your friends. Let them know what is going on and they will help you. The Lord isn't going to help you directly but he will help you through your relationships ( family, friends, boyfriend ) Swollow your pride and insecurities and open yourself up and speak your mind.
When I've had deep depression I talked it out with friends, no matter how embarrassing or how messed up my problem was. Everyone has their problems and people do understand and you'd be surprised but people actually want to help others.

GateKeeper you are welcome to disagree with me.  However I do not feel that the advice I gave to Solnoir is wrong.  It is biblical.  She even stated that she knows not to be unequally yoked with an unbeliever.  I agree that she should seek counsel...Christian counsel; from a pastor or youth minister.  You can't get godly counsel out of someone who is not even saved and I really believe that she needs to have God's perspective on the situation, not a secular perspective.

 

[solnoir]

This whole week if been feeling miserable. It's like the day could've been beautiful all around me but my world was all shady and gray. My b/f knew that something was wrong w/ me. I got mad at him last night for trying to dish things out of me. In turn, I tried to break up w/ him . He kept asking what was wrong with me....."what's wrong??! Why are you doing this?! Dont do this please! Tell me what's wrong so I can help you!" He was asking these questions over and over as he wept like a baby. WEPT! I didnt even want to hear him cry or look at his face. I've never had the heart to see a man cry, it realllly breaks my heart....i felt like a speck of dust at that moment. I just buried my face and asked God "What do i do???????!! You say I shouldnt be with him but he cares sooo much! Lookk at him God! He's hurting and it's all my fault.! And didnt you say that what I do to the least of your brothers, I do to you too?! I cant do this to him!! He's a human being! What do i do, should i just run out of the car and never look back as I tell myself that he doesnt really care and he'll only bring me down?! Or should I comfort him right here and now."
Just then I just started screaming "i'm sorry,, i'm sooo sorry. I dont want you to feel this way....."

I dont want to hurt him! He's the only friend I have. After all of these emotions poured out, I told him everything that I was feeling and going through. I even told him that I was writing in this forum and that if he wanted, he could read everything and know what I've been feeling. He said that he preffered if I just told him because he said that's its good for me to do this and he didnt want to invade this and in turn make me stop writing. After I spoke with him, i felt like a ton of bricks was lifted off my shoulders. He was extremely relieved that I poured myself out. He assured me to always confide in him and that he'll never see me any less if I tell him what's wrong with me and the problems i'm going through. Of course, i'm making a long story short, but in the end, I feel like he's done for me more than anyone else I know.....christian or not.

I feel a lot better today. I feel soo cared for. I feel like he TRULY CARES. What would God say to this? Would He say that I should've left while I had the chance,,,, while His son was getting his heart broken and trampled on? Or would He say that I did the right thing?? God is Love. God is everywhere. Wouldnt it be safe to say that God is using my b/f? There's so much good in him.

Dave, you ask....Do you desire that deep connection? If not, why? If so, what are you willing to do to get it?Well, absolutely! I want a deep connection with God! But honestly, I'd like for that to come gradually. Actually, I'd like for it to come in an instant, but what I'm trying to say is that I dont think I'm willing to leave everything at the drop of a dime. Does that sound horrible?

Relationships can help you out of depression even though relationships themselves cause depression. Solnoir I really think you should get some kind of help as I said before from anyone. Talk to your family, your boyfriend, your friends. Let them know wha

(Ok, I tried to quote Gatekeeper, but I dont know how to do it right....but i meant what they wrote in that whole message)

Gatekeeper, I think that you are right. It's funny how i read your post after everything that happened last night. You wrote pretty much everything that I did last night. And you were right. I feel so much better. I needed support from someone....someone in the flesh. All good things come from God, amen? Well that support was an awesome thing.

Ok, this is getting long and I dont want you all to fee like youre reading an essay. Thanks again.

God bless.

 

[GateKeeper]

Solnoir,
I'm glad you feel better. The best thing to do when you have a problem is talk about it and your boyfriend sounds like a really great guy. I wish the best for you and keep writing to us. You will find the right path AND the path you want to be on.

 

[GateKeeper]

Solnoir,
I'm sorry my last post was rather short as I had to take care of something.
Even though your boyfriend is not Christian doesn't mean you can't be with him. Some people have very good hearts and are good people but they just haven't found Christ yet. I believe that you shouldn't turn people away because they are not Christian that is WRONG. As you said they are still human beings we are all the same flesh and blood. We are people and we are meant to stick together regardless of race or religion or anything. We are all of one faith and one race. THE HUMAN RACE!
We all can get along and we must help each other regardless.
Best Wishes To All!

 

[HesMyAll]

Solnoir I sincerely hope that your relationship is the exception to the rule.  I am unequally yoked with an unbeliever.  He was my knight in shining armour but is now a trial to deal with.  I hope it goes well with you.

God Bless.

 

[DaveKerwin]

I am proud of you for talking with him and sharing your emotions. Did you mention to him that you are concerned with his soul? Or that you want him to be saved from his sins the way that you are?

I do not think its horrible that you want that intimacy with God in an instant, or that you won't drop everything at a moment's notice. I do not think it's horrible because I can't say what I would do in your shoes. I do know for certain that being a disciple of Jesus is not a thing to take lightly. Consider how he called people who were unwilling to follow. I suggest you focus on your relationship with God, and the salavation of your boyfriend. He seems to be a caring person, but without Jesus, he stands condemned.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Hey solnoir. I saw you on and just wanted to give you a hug.
*hug*

 

[solnoir]

lol, Thanks Mr, Cheese.
Thanks to everyone for their prayers and thoughts.