Extending Social Circles

[Stanfi]

Let's say you want to extend your social circles. How would you go about it? Oh yeah, and your a self admitted introvert.

 

[msjones21]

Believe it or not I'm a very shy person. I don't feel incredibly compfortable meeting new people and extending my circle of acquintances; however, I realize I need diverse social interaction. I've found that by going to various interest groups you may have an easier time opening up to new people because you all share at least one common ground. Church, of course, is one of the most obvious locations, but that's not guaranteed.

It's not easy these days to extend your social circles because there is so much bad in the world. You don't want to become deeply involved with non-believers but there seems to be so many places of interaction for the lost. It's easy to succomb to temptation to meet people in such settings. Just ask God where He would want you to meet new people and ask Him to help you open up a bit more. In time it will all work out.

 

[jenptcfan]

Very good question, Mrstace. I wish I knew a good answer because I would really like to extend my circle too. One thing I did recently which was very bold for a very shy person like me was I attended a community-wide Christian singles get-together that was held by a church in my neighborhood. I went knowing NOBODY, but I ended up making a new friend out of it and I think that going alone really forced me to mingle a little more than I normally would.

As it turns out, it was a good way to network because several of the churches represented there invite singles from other churches to their outings, etc, and now I might get to attend some of those things that I wouldn't have known about otherwise.

I don't know if you have anything like that going on in your community, but if you do I'd say give it a try! The thing I liked about it was that nobody seemed to be there to find new people to hook up with. Everyone was just friendly and enjoyed the Christian fellowship.

Good luck!

 

[Apollonian]

First of all, I wish I had a community singles event like that.

Second, I think that the most effective tactic that I have developed so far is to find at least one person that you know and get him/her to come with you to some social event and then just talk about what you normally are interested in with that person. The hope is that, having overheard your conversation, someone will become interested and join you. Not terribly effective, I admit, but it has worked well in the past, given a certain element of chance.

Another thought is to 'advertise' your interests by wearing periphernalia or theme-based T-shirts on occaision that people can see and comment upon. The idea is to attract people with similar interests into a conversation.

(I am also a self-proclaimed introvert)
-Apollonian
20/M INTJ

 

[72_Chev_Truck]

Ah, I would say just go out to christian events and start meeting people. Just walk up and introduce yourself or put yourself in a visible position. My visible position in ministry is playing the drums. Take up a spot on some sort of ministry team, high up, highly visible and you will meet people.

 

[desi]

If I was single and I had no prospects what would I do to fill up a black book?

I would have my friends wives and gf's set me up, I would go to church singles gatherings- FYI I've heard nonChristians say many women at these functions are unusually easy; I would chat up waitresses, women at the mall, women at work. It all comes down to getting out there and talking without coming across as desperate or boring which anyone can do with practice.

 

[stubbornkelly]

Um, how bout following your interests? If you want to learn something new, take a class. If you're good at something and want to spend time with other people that do it, join a group that revolves around that. Volunteer for an organization you believe in.

Go where you're likely to find people who share your interests. They need not all be Christian groups, neither must all your friends be Christians. Then walk up, say "Hi," and go from there.

 

[Echoes Peak]

Um, how bout following your interests? If you want to learn something new, take a class. If you're good at something and want to spend time with other people that do it, join a group that revolves around that. Volunteer for an organization you believe in.

Go where you're likely to find people who share your interests. They need not all be Christian groups, neither must all your friends be Christians. Then walk up, say "Hi," and go from there.

What she said.

It seems easier to start meet new people if are you doing activities that you enjoy. I am actually an extrovert so I'm not beyond walking up to random people and talking to them. However, I would think that maybe if you're into art, persay, you might able to meet someone at an art function or what not.
Just get involved in things you like, you're bound to find someone who has the same level of interest.

 

[Stanfi]

I have thought about this a good bit. There is no way I would just walk up to someone and start talking to them. Extroverts probaly do not understand that, but any introvert will. The only thing I enjoy doing that I might meet somone is going to church, and things like that. I do enjoy going to concerts, but around here there only seems to be one or two good ones come to town a year. I'm not into art or poetry, (I would be willing to go places like that on a date, but I wouldn't enjoy it enough to go by myself) and on a Saturday afteroon you would be more apt to find me under a car or truck with an impact wrench in my hand, or doing some home repair job with a hammer or saw in my hand as opposed to sitting around in a library or a coffe shop.

 

[stubbornkelly]

I'm an introvert, and I would certainly go talk to someone. There's a difference between being an introvert and being shy.

But anyway, I was talking more about in the context of being involved with people in an activity (or the planning of one, or a discussion group kinda deal) and going up to those people. You know, "Hey, we're both in this group - I'm Kelly, what's your name?" kinda thing. Maybe not those words, but still - not at all the same as going up to a random stranger.

If you're not willing to put yourself in situations where you're going to meet people, then you're not going to. Just from my personal experience, there are plenty of times I'd choose sitting at home with a good book over going out, but I do it anyway, cos sitting at home isn't a good way to meet people. Once I'm out, I enjoy myself.

 

[Stanfi]

There's a difference between being an introvert and being shy.

.

Yeah, I am shy, and have social anxiety.

 

[desi]

Yeah, I am shy, and have social anxiety.

You could always wait for the avon lady or the meter maid to stop by while you are fixing your car/house.

I'm shy too but thankfully the Marine Corps took care of that. You have to reach out to people to make relationships. Its awkward at first and rejection happens often initially but the more you practice the better you'll get at it. A good trick is to look for another shy person at a gathering and go talk to them. They are less likely to reject you and it can feel good to talk with someone else who's shy, they may even mislabel you as an extrovert for introducing yourself! The first few times you try this it can help to make a goal of introducing yourself to a specific number of people during the evening. Try looking up party conversation ice breakers to get a feel for how to start things, and look up conversation killers to know what subjects to initially avoid. Another trick is to bring along another single guy/girl so you can introduce your 'friend' to a group. Its often easier to introduce someone else than ourselves. This stuff is good, I should be charging for it. mrstace, from what I've read of your posts you are a kind, generous, loving, gentleman many women would love to be with. They will probably never know what they are missing if you don't step out of your comfort zone. If you do we both know God will meet you more than half way.

 

[Stanfi]

. mrstace, from what I've read of your posts you are a kind, generous, loving, gentleman many women would love to be with. .

I like this part.. thanks desi.

 

[vibrant]

literally, just say "hi".

i'm shy myself, but it doesn't seem that way cause interestingly enough, i'll be in a group of shy people and realize that if no one talks or initiates something, nothing will happen. i've had enough bad experiences to not let that happen again.