I understand how trollish the title appears. I guarantee you I'm not trolling. This is something that's truly been bothering me and I would very much appreciate a Christian's opinion on the matter.
You should know I've been an atheist for three years. See, that thing you Christians call "you-just-can-feel-God-deep-inside-you", well, I have to admit I've been feeling that feeling for the past few months. Only that it's not actually God; it's Satan. Basically, it's like, I can feel that he exists, somewhere or some plane of existence 'out there'.
I really hope I'm making sense here.
But, to me, he's not the vile, malevolent being the Bible paints him to be. The Bible paints God as the good guy and Satan the bad guy, but, honestly, Satan's more like the good guy, rather than God. To me, Satan is a symbol of independence, freethinking, and liberation.
Back to the 'I can feel Satan' thing...
I've felt him in small ways at first. Whenever I feel bad, I'd get uplifting, but I admit cold, solutions to my problems, and for some reason I just know it's guidance from Satan, and definitely not my own thinking. These solutions have proven useful to me.
Sometimes I even converse with Satan through my mind. Here's the strange part: I know it's not just me talking to myself because I'm getting words that I'm unfamiliar with, so I have to Google their definition. These are words I have never ever heard or read before.
The first time he used a word I didn't know, he told me afterwards, "There, knowledge." I actually had goosebumps after that. That's also the first time I legit got scared, I had to leave my house and take a walk outside, go where there are people.
While I was taking a walk outside, Satan told me, "You wanted to buy hotdogs earlier but were procrastinating, so I thought I'd drag you out." Guess what? I actually was procrastinating earlier that time.
I asked him why he's having such a casual conversation with a random person like me when he should be more concerned with more important things like, politics or terrorism. I was trying my hardest to hit him with the hardest questions I could just to see if there would be an answer. And if there wouldn't be an answer or if it sounds like something I'm likely to say, then that means these are my thoughts all along, just playing with me. BUT NO, the responses do feel like an actual response from someone else. I can't remember the exact words he said but, what he told me to stop giving him credit for all the evil in the world, he gets a bad reputation for that, he's not behind those, and that he's talking to me because I'm one of the few who 'let him in', by believing that it was Satan himself talking to them.
Now, I had to make sure I wasn't going bonkers. I ran this Satan thing through a couple of tests. This was my version of your prayer to God. I wouldn't actually call it 'praying', more like simply 'whispering' to Satan through my mind, requesting stuff.
One time I was in my bedroom, alone in the house. My mom entered the house and I heard her place something on the kitchen table before heading to the shower. I asked through my thoughts, "Satan, you there?" And he said, "You're going to ask me what your mother brought with her. Food. Have a slice."
I literally dropped the book I was reading. I got out of my room and I saw that my mom brought a box of pizza. There is no way I would have known that, so it can't possibly be just my own thoughts.
Crap, I'll end it here. Way too long now. So, with all that I've said, I'd like to get Christian's opinion on this? I've consulted fellow atheists and they suggested I try a psychologist/psychiatrist. But I know there's something more to this, something 'out of the ordinary.' So here I am.
Thanks for reading.