Experience Love?

[Stanfi]

My father beat us down (you're so stupid, you're so ugly, you'll never amount to anything, you're a girl-girls need a man to take care of them, etc) all in the name of: "to make us strong", but all it did was destroy us. It is hard to "feel" God's love when your spirit is broken, knowing He allowed it to happen. People can tell me til they're blue in the face that God loves me, but until I can feel it I won't ever know how to receive it.

It is amazing how negative things that are said to us in our childhood can manifest themselves in our adult life. I think that whenever a parent talks down to a child and negates them, and then never shows them any love and affection, it creates huge damgaing results in our adult life. See the difference, here? The parent shows the child, what they think of them negatively, but never shows them in any positive way.

So, this is what happens. There are so many, that were cussed at, yelled at, and put down and never shown that we were truly valued and loved. It is hard to "just know" that you are loved when it is never told or shown, but there sure insn't any problem with a parent showing that you are not approved in certain aspects. (You didn't do somethig right.. etc)

So how do we recover? Granted part of it is realizing that our parents are simply living out of their own wounds that were never healed. They do not feel loved and appreciated by their own parents, so they have a hard time showing love and affection to their own children. Accepting this and forgiving the parents who have wronged us does help, but it does no completely remove the damage.

However, we still need to be loved, valued an have a sense of belonging. This is why so many rush into a disatrous marriage relationship. They are starving for someone to love them, and they take the first person that comes along.

So, how do we feel loved, many of us even have a hard time recognizng or even accepting someone's love for us. How?

 

[Rafael]

The book of 1 John has much to say about true love, and meditating on its verses and perhaps looking at several of the Bible versions would help get a better meaning and understanding for yourself.
There are three different Greek words for love in the New Testament, as love is complex. God is love and we love Him because He first loved us. Love is better expressed by actions than words, and Jesus expressed His by giving His life for ours. Saying we love can run the gamut from Eros (selfish, erotic love) to Agape (God's giving, unconditional love) - it can be shallow or deep, according to the action put into it. I think that we are here, in this world, to learn love, which entails suffering, endurance, faith, giving, and perseverance. In time, our love comes to perfection, casting out all fear. Here's a few verses in the NLB and Living paraphrase. I think God will teach us love if we submit ourselves to Him in obedience, and He will fill our lives with it as we grow in His grace.

I JOHN 4:7-13 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and KNOWS God. Whoever does not love does not KNOW God, because God is love.

I JOHN 3:16-19 This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with ACTIONS and TRUTH. This then is how we KNOW that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us.

1 John 4:16 We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in him. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. 17 And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we are like Christ here in this world. 18 Such love has no fear because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of judgment, and this shows that his love has not been perfected in us. 19 We love each other as a result of his loving us first. 20 If someone says, "I love God," but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is a liar; for if we don't love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we have not seen? 21 And God himself has commanded that we must love not only him but our Christian brothers and sisters, too.

 

[Stanfi]

I JOHN 4:7-13 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and KNOWS God. Whoever does not love does not KNOW God, because God is love.

I JOHN 3:16-19 This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with ACTIONS and TRUTH. This then is how we KNOW that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us.

1 John 4:16 We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in him. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. 17 And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we are like Christ here in this world. 18 Such love has no fear because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of judgment, and this shows that his love has not been perfected in us. 19 We love each other as a result of his loving us first. 20 If someone says, "I love God," but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is a liar; for if we don't love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we have not seen? 21 And God himself has commanded that we must love not only him but our Christian brothers and sisters, too.

Thanks,
But so many times it seem like reading the scriptures is like try to put a bandaid on a gapping wound. We can read the scriptures, and know in our minds all that they say, but until we can get it into our hearts and it becomes real to us, then no healing will begin.

 

[Rafael]

Thanks,
But so many times it seem like reading the scriptures is like try to put a bandaid on a gapping wound. We can read the scriptures, and know in our minds all that they say, but until we can get it into our hearts and it becomes real to us, then no healing will begin.

By faith, we hide His Word in our hearts and believe that they impart life to us. It takes faith to step by obedience into the waters and become part of God's economy of giving without expectation of return (AGAPE). Only the Lord, through His Spirit is this life given to us, as we submit ourselves to His Word in obedience to it. We can submit to life and grow in grace. It is Him that works inside us to do His good pleasure - Jesus Christ in us that generates the works of love that are not natural to the unregenerate old man of flesh. Be patient and believe that He is becoming more alive inside you and speak these Words of life to yourself and those you care about. It may not feel like this is happening, but feelings are hard wired to the flesh while the things that are of true life and true love are spiritual and spiritually discerned by faith. Patiently build up your faith in God's Word and continue in prayer. Persevere in good works, actions of love, rather than just talking about it. Sometimes love remains abstract because we never role up our sleeves and begin the hard work of love - going into the highways and byways, picking up the lame, blind, deaf, and the poor. There are so many people ignored by our society that are starved, literally for food, and even more for words and actions of love and life, yet most keep it in their mouths and hearts as abstract thoughts and lip-service to God, while only a few break on through to the other side where love becomes action and truth. This is how our love becomes part of our worship and we are to worship Him "in spirit and truth." To experience and know love, we have to do it and not just think about following after Jesus footsteps - to do those acts and deeds that make up what true love is.
God bless and keep pressing on towards the goal...

John 6:63 It is the spirit that quickeneth; the flesh profiteth nothing: the words that I speak unto you, they are spirit, and they are life.

2 Corinthians 3:6 Who also hath made us able ministers of the new testament; not of the letter, but of the spirit: for the letter killeth, but the spirit giveth life.

John 4:24 God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth.

John 14:23 Jesus answered and said unto him, If a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him.

LUKE 6:31 If you love those who love you, what thanks can you expect? For even sinners do that much. And if you lend to those from whom you hope to receive, what thanks can you expect? Even sinners lend to sinners to get back the same amount. INSTEAD ... love your enemies & do good, & lend without any hope of return.

Philippians 1:6 Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform [it] until the day of Jesus Christ:

Philippians 2:13 For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.

 

[desi]

Thanks,
But so many times it seem like reading the scriptures is like try to put a bandaid on a gapping wound. We can read the scriptures, and know in our minds all that they say, but until we can get it into our hearts and it becomes real to us, then no healing will begin.

Faith and action are the cousins we use to feed our needs. One can feed a need of love via a faith in God or an act of self indulgence, ice cream anyone. Both are chemically similar in that chemicals are released which change how we feel. Studies have been done on prayer which confirm the results. An ideal situation is where other people meet our needs and we meet theirs in healthy ways- love and acceptance, and we all meet some needs through faith in God. Mrstace you are not alone. Many men and women seek what you do. It is in prayer/faith and action toward love from other people in which you will find answers and cloture. Basically what I mean is change. Change is painful, I'm in the process of it now- finding a job, but it is the vehicle of moving from where we are to where we have to go. Pray for God to guide you and find people who are where you want to be, assuming happily married and deeply in love, ask them how they did it and keep the love flowing and follow their example through trial and error. Its never easy unless God orchestrates it, but it is the answer for most of us. I pray for you to find what you are looking for. God knows, it is there waiting for you to arrive.

desi

 

[Stanfi]

, assuming happily married and deeply in love,

desi,

You said some good things in this post. I just want to point out that I do not thing marriage shoud be our only source for experiencing love. While I am sure that it is a great source of love and intamacy with another human being. I do not believe that should be our prime focus on finding a marriage relationsip, because I feel that it would put to much strain on the other person.

 

[desi]

desi,

You said some good things in this post. I just want to point out that I do not thing marriage shoud be our only source for experiencing love. While I am sure that it is a great source of love and intamacy with another human being. I do not believe that should be our prime focus on finding a marriage relationsip, because I feel that it would put to much strain on the other person.

True. I'm speaking from the perspective of a man who has been married for over 9 years. From a singles perspective I have rose colored glasses as time has healed most wounds from my rather meager singles days. I would like to point out something I read in a Christian book, called "Love Tactics" long ago. It was to the effect that people often choose to marry based on when they feel ready for it. If you meet the right woman at the right time in her life marrying her will be easy for her, rather than if you met her before this time. Of course you have to play the coyness game to avoid the 'you're too easy so I can't take you seriously' bit but if you can play the game, to use another phrase from the aforementioned book, like catching a big fish with low grade line.

Going out on a limb...

There is a science to love mrstace just like there is a science to physics. If you harness this science you will get predictable results as opposed to 'what is she thinking about me now?' For some people this takes the mystery out of dating so they scorn it. For others it results in serial relationships and the proliferation of single mothers and VD. For me it resulted in a 9 year marriage solid as a rock. This science is a method created by God just like math or physics I urge you to understand and apply it so you can find the affection and acceptance you deserve.