Experience Love?

[Stanfi]

How do you experience love? How do you overcome a lack of love?

 

[Techbot]

Love isn't something you can just say "I'm going to experience this today" and pick it up. When I fell in love with my wife I had no choice in the matter. It was an overwhelming desire to care for her and be with her. Same with my two daughters.

Overcoming a lack of love...I'd say that has to be something God himself places in you. Ask and you shall receive. Pray for a love for the lost, etc. If that is what you are referring to

 

[Stanfi]

Overcoming a lack of love...I'd say that has to be something God himself places in you. Ask and you shall receive. Pray for a love for the lost, etc. If that is what you are referring to

Not exactly, more like overcoming the effects of having a lack of love shown to you in your own life, by parents, friends, etc.

 

[Mercy Me]

When you get an answer, mrstace, please share it with me!

Everyone says that we have to believe and receive that God loves us, even if no one else ever does. For me it is hard to believe and receive love from a God who allows us not to receive the love one so needs as a child.

If one is told they are undeserving most of their life, it is incredibly hard to believe God loves them. Esp when life remains hard, and facts/circumstances back up the undeserving part.

Then people beat you up by saying "You just have to believe God loves you."....as if even that is your fault, too.

 

[Techbot]

ahhhh I wish I had an easy answer for that. Some people have a hard time showing love. My family didn't say "I love you" very often as opposed to my wifes family. When we were dating, she thought it was very strange when I'd leave to go out somewhere that my mom or dad didn't say "Bye, I love you" when I left. But I knew they loved me. I still do. They are always there if I need them. They've been behind me on (most) decisions in my life.
I know its hard...sometimes we have to be shown or told that we are loved. Even if your parents don't show it, they love you.
Friends...those can be tricky Concerning your friends, what do they do that shows you that they don't care?

 

[Stanfi]

Then people beat you up by saying "You just have to believe God loves you."....as if even that is your fault, too.

I can relate Mercy Me.

ahhhh I wish I had an easy answer for that. Some people have a hard time showing love. My family didn't say "I love you" very often as opposed to my wifes family. When we were dating, she thought it was very strange when I'd leave to go out somewhere that my mom or dad didn't say "Bye, I love you" when I left. But I knew they loved me. I still do. They are always there if I need them. They've been behind me on (most) decisions in my life.
I know its hard...sometimes we have to be shown or told that we are loved. Even if your parents don't show it, they love you.
Friends...those can be tricky Concerning your friends, what do they do that shows you that they don't care?

I can relate also Techbot, the way you describe your family is how I would describe my own. From friends, they are self absorbed, showing a lack of genuine concern, and not being there when they are needed.

 

[wonder111]

actually when people mistreat me or are rude and don't show love, I feel more in love with God. Jesus said he was not of this world for a reason, this world doesn't really run with love as it's leader. To know this, only brings me closer to God. Now it's at the point where it doesn't matter how people treat me, because God said to expect that.

I wouldn't focus on the love you receive from people, because that will be limited and they will only express the amount of love they have inside, and sometimes that may be very little. 'what comes out of the mouth, flows from the heart' (I think I may be paraphrasing on that verse a bit, but that's what it means)

 

[Stanfi]

actually when people mistreat me or are rude and don't show love, I feel more in love with God. Jesus said he was not of this world for a reason, this world doesn't really run with love as it's leader. To know this, only brings me closer to God. Now it's at the point where it doesn't matter how people treat me, because God said to expect that.

I wouldn't focus on the love you receive from people, because that will be limited and they will only express the amount of love they have inside, and sometimes that may be very little. 'what comes out of the mouth, flows from the heart' (I think I may be paraphrasing on that verse a bit, but that's what it means)

How do you feel more in love with God?

 

[wonder111]

because I think some people look to people for love instead of God. And this just reaffirms it for me (how much better God's love is, and basically is the source of love)

Draw close to God and He will draw close to you.

 

[wonder111]

maybe a better way to say it would be....some people might not feel a lack of love in their life because they receive so much from their friends and family. But at some point, these people won't be there anymore, and then what? where does the love come from after that?

you know what I mean?

 

[Stanfi]

I think what I am thiking of is that people do not feel loved by their family and friends, during the process of growing up. So, they really don't understand love. They have been starved for love on earth, so they do not know how to relate to God's love. After all we do not normally audibly hear God say "I love you" for feel his embrace, so the concept of being loved by God is almot foreign to us. We read God's word and know in our minds that he loves us, but it does not get down in our hearts, and become real.

It is hard to explain, what I am trying to get across.

 

[wonder111]

ok, I understand what you mean. To be honest, I can really relate to your experiences. I think you do know what love is though, whenever you feel compassion for someone, that is feeling love, no???

 

[wonder111]

here's a story, have you ever heard of the book, 'the boy called it?" I saw this guy on Oprah once (I know, I know ) ....and he had lived in a situation where out of all his brothers and sisters, his mother chose him to abuse, he was usually locked in the basement and never fed. Meanwhile, he could hear his siblings laughing and having supper upstairs with the family. His mother called him 'it' It's a pretty disgusting story really, but in the end, he said it only made him that much stronger, and the experiences make him realize how much love he wanted to show for his own kids. He was teased at school also because he had no shoes etc, but I am positive that he knows love, more than many people do.

 

[Stanfi]

ok, I understand what you mean. To be honest, I can really relate to your experiences. I think you do know what love is though, whenever you feel compassion for someone, that is feeling love, no???

Yes, I understand what you are saying here. The more of the question is that if you do know what love is, but you do not feel that you are loved. Then you are put in a postion of knowing what is missing from you life, but unsure of how to correct it.

I beleive that everyone has a need to be loved by someone, and know deep down in their hearts that they are, or it cause problems for them.

 

[wonder111]

I beleive that everyone has a need to be loved by someone, and know deep down in their hearts that they are, or it cause problems for them.

I think actually that everyone has the ability to know love, whether or not it comes from another person. I think all children who are innocent are closer to understanding that love, but after a lifetime of negative experiences and people not showing love....I think we start to build up defences and expect that people are not going to be loving. This can have a negative effect in going into a relationship because it's almost like the trust factor has been destroyed by a lifetime of those negative experiences.

Do you think that you need to forgive some people ? really who doesn't

 

[wonder111]

One more thing, I find it interesting that Jesus said the biggest commandments are to 1) love God and
2) love your neighbor

there is no commandment to receive love from people or from God. I think that comes as a result of doing the first 2 commandments, regardless of whether or not you see love reflected from those around you, someone out there is going to recognize yours. Just like not everyone showed Christ the same love

 

[Stanfi]

Do you think that you need to forgive some people ? really who doesn't

Maybe, but I thought I had forgiven most.

 

[Stanfi]

One more thing, I find it interesting that Jesus said the biggest commandments are to 1) love God and
2) love your neighbor

there is no commandment to receive love from people or from God. I think that comes as a result of doing the first 2 commandments, regardless of whether or not you see love reflected from those around you, someone out there is going to recognize yours. Just like not everyone showed Christ the same love

I will have to think about this one.

 

[Mercy Me]

His mother called him 'it' It's a pretty disgusting story really, but in the end, he said it only made him that much stronger

But WHY... what causes one to "only be made stronger" by abuse or lack of love, and others to recoil and never be strong?

I know some who had horrible abuse or trauma happen, and they just seemed to get through it and survive gloriously -- yet others never quite knew how to 'get over it' and make something of their lives.


My father beat us down (you're so stupid, you're so ugly, you'll never amount to anything, you're a girl-girls need a man to take care of them, etc) all in the name of: "to make us strong", but all it did was destroy us. It is hard to "feel" God's love when your spirit is broken, knowing He allowed it to happen. People can tell me til they're blue in the face that God loves me, but until I can feel it I won't ever know how to receive it.

 

[wonder111]

But WHY... what causes one to "only be made stronger" by abuse or lack of love, and others to recoil and never be strong?

I know some who had horrible abuse or trauma happen, and they just seemed to get through it and survive gloriously -- yet others never quite knew how to 'get over it' and make something of their lives.


My father beat us down (you're so stupid, you're so ugly, you'll never amount to anything, you're a girl-girls need a man to take care of them, etc) all in the name of: "to make us strong", but all it did was destroy us. It is hard to "feel" God's love when your spirit is broken, knowing He allowed it to happen. People can tell me til they're blue in the face that God loves me, but until I can feel it I won't ever know how to receive it.

Mercy me, I wish I knew what to tell you, but I don't know why some people take the experience and turn it around and others don't. I've never understood that actually. I do know that when people abuse another person, it's usually coming from a lack of love in their own lives. Unfortunately, if someone is repeatedly told that they are useless, it's hard to see that it was not the truth being said, but a power issue or other problem on the part of the abuser.

It's also true that most people have to heal from things that have happened in their past. However big the problem was, it still has to be healed in order to live a normal life, that means that peace is going to have to be made about the whole situation no matter how hard it is. There are obviously a lot of emotions that are built up in a person who has experienced what you have, and I know it takes time, but it can be done.

have you ever gone to a good counselor?