Ex was everywhere

[Xen_Antares]

These past few months I have been doing rather well as far as my singleness goes. Ive not been in the gutter (I have had my days but who doesnt) and all bummed out. I have been rather content with my life, however last night was tough. I had to go to Lowe's for home improvement stuff, well my ex-gf was there with her recently married husband. Seemingly every aisle I went in, there she was. I left Lowe's and went to Sam's Club, guess who I kept running into? You got it, my ex and her husband. Again I leave and go to Magic Mart, you know what? They were there too, and they kept giving me the look like I was following them around, in spite of me being each of those places first. After running into the happy couple there I dropped what I was doing and went home.

Last night was one of the hardest nights I had, I tried to talk about it with friends. One of the girls I go out with from time to time was fighting with her brother, trying to talk to her when shes fighting with him is like having a conversation with yourself, only a conversation with yourself has better odds of someone answering you. Then I tried to speak to my old Air Force buddy, but he has the attention span of the common house fly, we ended up talking about TV shows, video games, old memories, and making vanilla ice cream out of snow. I ened up more confused after talking to him than I did before.

Im doing better this morning, though I am a bit bummed out, and to make matters worse my neck is sore (I slept on it awkwardly) and I have an ear infection, the combination of these three things really has put me in a poor mood today. How do others go about their business when they see their ex moved on and happily married? I cant say Im not happy for her, I really am, shes finally got what she wanted. At the same time I was sort of bummed out for myself, now Im trying to get back to my contention with being a single

 

[KeilCoppes]

How do we do it? We work on truly letting it go and work on being truly happy for them. If we loved them, then their happiness was more important to us than our own. And that should not change. Rather than being sad they're not with us, we need to work to rejoice that they're with someone that God has sent them. If they're having difficulties, we should pray for them. And it's not initially easy at all. It can be like fighting yourself.

Being alone is indeed very difficult at times. Some of the things that really help are - lots of prayer and believing that God truly does know what He's doing. And get active rather than just sitting at home - sounds like your home improvement efforts are in the right direction. Also get healthy. It sounds like you were coming down with something and fighting it last night - that will also affect your strength and attitude. Having picked up a throat cold from one of my team members at work, I'm in the same boat as you are today. Decide to smile, count your blessings, and do what praises God - after taking something for your physical condition.

 

[Inperfected]

and guess what... as much as yo hate to hear this... time helps as well, and one day (as a girls sig on here says) you'll meet the girl who'll make you understand why the others didn't work out.

 

[micaela]

If we loved them, then their happiness was more important to us than our own. And that should not change.

This is so true, but so hard when my selfish feelings get in the way. I ended the friendship with my ex recently because he was being so nice, and as much as I tried to keep my feelings at friendship level I couldn't. I told him I needed space, which meant no talking or hanging out, sms, winks across the church etc and he hasn't been at church for the past 4 weeks since then. I'd like to think that he's giving me space (not that I in any way want him to stop coming to church), but I secretly think he's going to another church he is affiliated with to hunt for a wife. Either way, I should be happy for him, and want the best for him, but in the times of hurt, all I want is him.

Although I'm still occasionally hurting, I've learnt some important things. Keep praying and trusting that God wants the best for you, and is worthy of being trusted with your heart and your singleness.

 

[KeilCoppes]

....I'd like to think that he's giving me space (not that I in any way want him to stop coming to church), but I secretly think he's going to another church he is affiliated with to hunt for a wife. Either way, I should be happy for him, and want the best for him, but in the times of hurt, all I want is him.

I know exactly how you feel - I've been there. My answer at the time may not have been the best, but I ended up taking a mental iron and searing all the romantic feelings for that person one by one. Every time the romantic feeling came, it met the hot iron and was seared. Eventually I grew in that area and became stronger. That's one of the reasons I live carefully with my feelings and try to keep them from running away too quickly - I know what can happen.

It's at times like that when I remember David's psalm that says that his desire for God is so great that it is like his only desire. There are days that are better and days that are challenges.

 

[BeautyForAshes]

Whew Xen_Antares! That would be too much for me too!

As others have stated before, just try to be happy for her and do what you can to not let this develop into a stronghold of the devil, that he will most certainly use to keep you down, depressed, and wondering what's wrong with you.

I'll be praying that God brings you peace about this situation (her being married, you being content with being single).

 

[Inperfected]

keep on going... but one other thing, when you feel you are at that place of being able to let go, just not wanting to? Let go. If god so desires it, it will happen again... Holding on to that hope is just going to keep you down for even longer...

And yea me trying to listen to that advice, but it's so so hard.

 

[dpshannon]

I know how you feel...I have always had trouble with breaking up with girls, because I always run into them afterwards. It is an extremely difficult thing. Actually, I can guess that she broke up with you, because you'd never be feeling this way if you had broken up with her. The worst is when you haven't seen her for like a week, and then she surprises you and walks by on her way to class. I started getting paranoid about walking to class...I'd start taking long cuts to make sure that I avoided her. Let's see...You can do like I did, and move away to California...or you can slowly get through it like everyone does....Everyone has their speeds at which they get over past relationships. For some, it takes days, for others, weeks, for others months, and for others, years...It takes months for me. After a while, things start to look up, and you start enjoying life again. Church and prayer really help too...Remember that God might not have someone special planned for us, but if He does, that person will come when you are ready for her.
Hope this helps....I feel your pain,
Don

 

[VivDaGurl]

I was there and am still there now...I don't understand why I keep on bumping into my ex....

 

[Inperfected]

And remember.. god could be letting you bump into her, to promote your healing path... Ok. just remember god has a plan, and you will get through all this ok.. And on those bad ddays, try to remember the good ones..