Ex in-laws

[Chrystal-J]

My brother was engaged to a woman who he then broke up with. She remained a member of our family for years afterward. She was invited to the same family parties--even after my brother married someone else--and brought his wife over at the same time. Personally, I would of felt kind of weird if I had been my brother's ex (being at the same parties with my brother with his new wife). But, it was no problem for her (or my brother, I guess, because he never said anything.) So, I guess it's up to each person as to what they can handle. But, if you feel that you can't deal with this situation and you no longer wish to see your ex-in-laws--I, myself, would make it clear to each family member that it's just not an option. They need to know that you don't feel comfortable seeing them--and it's your choice! You have to do what is best for you in this situation. But, if you let bitterness rule your life--it's only going to hurt YOU and no-one else. While you still allow your feelings to be hurt by your husband's infidelity--he has moved on with his life. He's already stolen your peace of mind for the last 4 years...do you want to give him a gift of more years?

And I'm speaking from personal experience, in a way. I have a sibling who was very cruel to me growing up and into early adulthood. I just decided one day to no longer tolerate it. I told her to leave me alone--100%! No calls, no letters, no visits. That was over 10 years ago. I don't regret my decision. If she is at a family party--I don't attend (but, she lives out of my state--so she's not at too many of them). Anyway, that's why I said earlier...make it clear to each family member that you are NOT interested in having a relationship with your in-laws. But, please don't let what happened make you bitter. It's not healthy to hang-on to this pain for too long. Make new friendships and build new relationships. Once I stopped seeing my sister...it was like a weight was lifted off of my back--no more pain. But, I was very careful to not let the abuse that she dished-out affect me later and warp how I felt about other people in my life. And it's not that I don't want to forgive her...I do. It's just that I refuse to fall prey to her insane behavior anymore. I have my own life and I have no time for her abuse. I had to do what was right for me and my peace of mind--just as you have to do what makes you have peace in your life. And if not seeing your in-laws makes you feel more at peace...then others should respect that.

Hang-in-there...it does get better with time.
Chrystal