Ex-gay here...still struggling with emotional attachment to guys...

[bchris02]

I left homosexuality and came back to Christ back in summer 2010. It was a long process as the lifestyle nearly completely destroyed my life, and there are things that I am still working through but I despise my old sinful lifestyle and never want to return to it even though the world says its inevitable and that change is impossible.

That said, I am still struggling with emotional attachment to guys. There is this guy in my young adult group I have become somewhat emotionally attached to as we've been through many of the same things in life and have great conversations. Our conversations are always Godly and encouraging as well. I am not sexually attracted to him and flee from any sexual thoughts that may come into my head, but I find myself thinking about him way too much and wanting to hang out with him or text him far too much. Its to the point I feel very lonely if I don't get to be around him, and in reality we aren't very close friends so we don't hang out very much outside of group once per week. Its kind of like a crush but without the sexual side. I am sure this is my sinful nature and my struggle rearing its ugly head, and I wish I could stop it. If I do not, its going to ruin what could be a great friendship. I've done it before and emotional attractions such as this has destroyed numerous relationships in my life and is one of the things that lead me into homosexuality to begin with.

Can anybody else relate or does anybody else have any advice?

 

[Philothei]

Prayers for you brother. I have no advice other than that God give you strength and courage to see you though this trial.

 

[razeontherock]

Chris -

You are actually sharing GREAT news! Please re-read your own OP, with this in mind. Are you struggling with your sex drive, after having made such a drastic change, out of obedience to the Lord?

NO.

Wait, what?? Rejoice my Brother, this is fantastic! You ARE a walking miracle! Do you have any idea how many threads I have engaged, with how many people saying this simply can't happen? (And therefore politics simply must take certain courses, which will further alienate US from God's Blessing)

Wow. I can't really speak to any of them on this issue, except from sheer logic. You have experience! You're not even a 47 year old fogey like me

Now, looking at what you ARE struggling with:

it's a natural and healthy thing. You're even self-aware, that by being overly clingy (or however you want to put it) you could push people away. You sound pretty healthy to me! You can develop that relationship, using good boundaries, or you might even have to sacrifice such a thing if the temptation were too great; but from what you say here, that's not even a problem!

I urge you to look over the ground you've covered in the last 2 years, and
REJOICE IN THE LORD!! Man you've got some serious victory here ...

No your battles aren't done; but the hardest parts are behind you, am I right?

 

[rockytopva]

My thoughts are, and especially as your mood is lonely, that it is important that you latch on to a new star, something that will motivate you, something that will make you forget past things. Will also keep you in prayer.

The Power of Motivation and E/c2 with Zig Ziglar - YouTube

 

[belovedharlot]

deleted

 

[SuziTiri]

remember you have friends and a non judgmental ear if you need someone to talk to you...you are welcome to PM me . God Bless

 

[jack4022]

Sounds like maybe u just enjoy him as a friend, is that possible? But if u feel it's getting to be a problem, maybe u should reach out to other people in ur community, church, ect and make more friends

 

[mrthomas]

Hello mate,

I, too, have this issue. I listened to a talk on youtube by Andrew Comiskey recently which encouraged me. He had the same issue but 'walked through it.' Keep going with God and asking Him for help. With a recent emotional attachment to a really nice guy, I ended up keeping all his texts on my phone and looking at them every now and again. One evening, I suddenly thought, 'What does God want me to do?' and deleted them all. For me, that was a turning point. I'm reading Alan Medinger's book 'Journey Into Manhood' which is helpful. God bless you, Thomas.

 

[SoldierOfGod22]

My gosh dude. I am struggling with the exact same thing! I recently re-devoted my life to God back in November because homosexuality was causing so much destruction in my life too and I decided to just give it all to Him. I am the same way about my guy friends. I am definitely a lot more emotionally attached and with one in particular who, in reality, I am not even actually that close with. I think its because I always felt like I never had enough guy friends growing up or I thought I didnt seem masculine enough so when I do become close friends with one, I over do it. I totally understand and its especially hard with a homosexual past. I think that this is just a phase. You just really want to be close with him. I think the "crush" desires will fade away in time and you will soon see him as just a friend and it will be easier to actually become good friends with him. You have overcame so much and this will be nothing. I dont even know you and I am proud of what you have accomplished so far. Now this is the next step. This is the next milestone you have to pass. Just pray for God to release you from this grip that holds you back from this friendship. Just continue to pray for strength and relief of the pressure it causes within you. I will pray for you too man. You have come so far. You will beat this. You have so much strength already. Dont just believe in yourself but believe in God. He WILL deliver you out of this. Keep it up dude!

 

[jarofclay81]

Hey there - congrats on the progress you are making. Having walked down a similar road myself when I was younger, I get what you're talking about. What you are experiencing is generally referred to as emotional dependency. I disagree with others who say to hang in there and be this persons friend. It will be hard, but I suggest you stop relating to him altogether beyond just saying "hi" and being polite.

You may also want to pick up a great little book on the subject called Emotional Dependency by Lori Rentzel. They sell it on Amazon for about 3 bucks. It is a quick and clear read on the topic and could be very helpful.

God bless...