Ex 'forgetting' to pick up child

[HeKnowsMyName]

Honestly what am I supposed to do? The school called to let me know he didn't pick him up. So my mother went and got him. I feel so sorry for the little fellow sitting at school thinking no one was coming to get him.

Then 45 minutes AFTER he was supposed to pick him up, ex says he was in a meeting and couldn't get away/forgot to get DS. He is now going to get DD (she's in middle school and gets out an hour later than DS) and then going to my Mom's to get DS. My DS hates to go with his dad period. He's 5. This will be an emotional stress on him.

My Mom thinks I should have just told him he can't pick him up. I try my best to get along with ex even though he doesn't try to get along with me or my family. I have asked God to help me keep my integrity throughout this divorce but then I don't want to be a doormat either.

 

[BlueJay83]

I personally would put my foot down and tell him to pull his proverbial socks up.

My Ex was not caring for the kids well, allowing them to play on the street unsupervised.
There is a very creepy old man across the road and she was inside not supervising them.
I told her in no uncertain terms to keep an eye on them and to not let them play out onthe road like that.

It's not acceptable, and something needs to change.
if the child is unsafe (being left alone at school is a fairly big one) you should do wats best for the kiddo.

(hug)

 

[Cute Tink]

Keep track of things like this. If you can show a pattern of irresponsibility, then you can present it to the court and get greater custody. Kids shouldn't have to deal with this, but they are often caught helpless in these situations. You have my sympathy.

 

[HeKnowsMyName]

Thanks to both of you. It just hit me today that I need to be documenting these things. He did this two weeks ago as well but he called the school to tell them he was running late. 35 minutes late that time. It's unfair to my son to have to sit and wait on him while the other kids are gone. All he had to do was call me and I would have picked him up for him.

 

[BlueJay83]

Keep track of things like this. If you can show a pattern of irresponsibility, then you can present it to the court and get greater custody. Kids shouldn't have to deal with this, but they are often caught helpless in these situations. You have my sympathy.

Oh YES.. good advise.. I have also been keeping an excel sheet of dates and all the things she does that is dangerous or irrisponsible.

I've been documenting everyting for about 4 months now as a "just in case" she decides to try for custody.
even text messages I write out with the date and time and keep those.

 

[iambren]

I agree with Mom. CALMLY tell your ex that whenever he is late picking up the kids they will be unavailable for that weekend. It's not fair to the kids. Keep your word.

 

[Conservativation]

I agree with Mom. CALMLY tell your ex that whenever he is late picking up the kids they will be unavailable for that weekend. It's not fair to the kids. Keep your word.

You cant. And despite the fact that I agree that this behavior is unacceptable, its a slippery slope to say she has the power to say the kids are not available....deserved or not in this case.

I couldn't support that approach and there is a reason that custody and "visitation" (horrible word for a parent/child) are de-linked from all other aspects of divorce.

At most, they should change the p/u time and place, which makes the child not be the one to suffer

 

[HeKnowsMyName]

I could have told him no because by the time he picked up DD at school and got to my parent's to pick up DS, he was more than an hour late which means he forfeits. However, I am trying to do right and he already had DD so ....

I did email him today (I abhor talking to him because he knows EVERYTHING) and suggest that he let us pick up DS and then he can get him from us once he gets his junk together. That would be better on DS. I haven't heard from him. Who knows if I will?

I thought about letting this continue because I would have proof from the school that he is continuing to be late or absent when it's his turn to pick up DS, but I just hate for my little one to have to sit in the office and think no one is coming to get him.

 

[Conservativation]

He forfeits? Im not suggesting you are wrong, Ive just never heard of that. To me the custody sharing doesnt have conditions.

Or if it does, and lets say he has every other weekend or whatever, so if you are an hour late getting them back, you forfeit the entire coming period?

Why would you want proof of it? Whats the end game? To have him not see the children at all? Im just trying ti understand, because Im convinced that its important enough to have time with both parents that even with this tomfoolery it shouldnt infringe on him, just adjust the timing and manner of the exchange

 

[HeKnowsMyName]

My papers say if he's an hour late picking up the kids, he forfeits his time with them. It's pretty common around here for that to be in the papers. Notice I didn't do that.

Proof in case we have to go to court to readjust visitation. I don't plan on it happening, but just in case. Like I said, I've emailed him about adjusting the time and place of exchange and he hasn't responded nor do I expect him to. He will not work with me on anything.

 

[Conservativation]

Wow, never heard of punitive impacts of being late

 

[Cute Tink]

I've never heard of that either. It sounds like one of those things that someone probably put in their divorce documents at some point and became a common way to punish each other. Probably bit someone in the backside a few times after they insisted on it.