Ex drama/jealousy/control

[whatdoido2]

Today was the first time I truly saw my dating life for the mess it is.

I had a mediation scheduled because my ex was trying to take me to court to get my son away from me and my BF.

We were near a deal last night to avoid the mediation but my BF started screaming at my ex in the background of the phone and then texting him .., threatening him. So, that made my ex say the deal was off.

So we went to mediation this morning. My BF was very angry that my attorney (I pay the bills and hired him) would not allow him in MY mediation. He dropped me off at the mediation and then started pounding me w texts. Telling me that he couldn't believe I wouldnt demand that he was there and put in charge. His reasoning was that he wants to marry me and that this was going to impact HIM financially in the future. So he felt he should be involved.

When he finally came to pick me up he was pounding the ceiling of the car because he was so mad. I did NOT reach an agreement with my ex and a hearing is imminent. BF was angry that I set a deposition date that he could not be present for. He saw I was very shaken and accused me of talking w my ex and conspiring against him. He was screaming and yelling at me saying that "something is weird" about why I won't let him handle everything and that he feels he's not getting the whole story and I must be hiding something from him.

He said that he wants to take over. Hire a new attorney. Pay my bill but HE will be in charge because he wants to ruin my ex.

Now tomorrow is my son's bday party. He is angry that I'm going to be there w my ex and he is insisting he go. My son is 9 and is very aware that my BF and his daddy are at war. I told him it was best that my son have a break from the drama and I'll suck it up for 2 hours alone.

I am very scared about HOW to even begin to end this. BF on one hand is very generous to offer to pay my bills. He's in love with me. But he wants control. Of everything.

Time to leave?

 

[Sketcher]

He'll react similarly to other stressors/issues at some point. Do you want to be around that? Do you want your kids around that?

 

[whatdoido2]

I learned today that I will lose shared and/or primary custody if I move to be with my BF who lives 150 miles away. I was going to be with him but now I do not know what to do. Best I'll get is every other weekend.

I have to choose asap. What would you do? Love of your life...

 

[Sketcher]

A woman who does what your boyfriend does wouldn't get as far with me as your boyfriend did with you, since you asked. I don't tolerate someone that given to disrespect, rage, and control.

My brother married a single mom. He knew that he didn't have a seat at the custody negotiations she was having with the biological "dad." He did not throw a fit like this. Rather, he gave her a ride, and waited outside the closed doors. He knew the boundaries and however grudgingly, respected them.

At this point, you can choose your boyfriend, who will continue to act like this in the future towards you, or you can choose your son. If you value a potentially abusive man over your son, that is your prerogative, but that will be terrible to your son, and also bad for you. If you choose your son, that can be the perfect excuse to get away from this control freak.

 

[whatdoido2]

I stood up to him and tokd him I needed to travel to see my attorney yesterday and I needed to go alone.

He could not respect that. He told me he wanted to talk to my lawyer. He called him incessantly and then said he thought I was going there to be w another man!

He was so angry. He finally told me he texted my lawyer and if I was REALLY there with him I could repeat it to him. My lawyer thought this guy is nuts!

Then he demanded I come back at a certain time. I told him no. He then accused me of sleeping with another man and eventually said "I think I'm dying". He texted that and said he thought he was having stroke. And stopped responding to me ever again. So I called an ambulance. He was fine.

Then started begging me back this am. I said I need a day to think. Clear my head. He said now or never. And I said if you can't give me a day... Then we are done. So he said he would send me my things.

A woman who does what your boyfriend does wouldn't get as far with me as your boyfriend did with you, since you asked. I don't tolerate someone that given to disrespect, rage, and control.

My brother married a single mom. He knew that he didn't have a seat at the custody negotiations she was having with the biological "dad." He did not throw a fit like this. Rather, he gave her a ride, and waited outside the closed doors. He knew the boundaries and however grudgingly, respected them.

At this point, you can choose your boyfriend, who will continue to act like this in the future towards you, or you can choose your son. If you value a potentially abusive man over your son, that is your prerogative, but that will be terrible to your son, and also bad for you. If you choose your son, that can be the perfect excuse to get away from this control freak.