Ex-Boyfriends

[Hope_0004]

I've been wondering about this for awhile, because I think I finally found the guy I am meant to be with (P). Anyway, this is my question: I'm on great terms with pretty much all of the guys I've ever dated. No bad breakups, no hating each other, no screaming matches. So, this guy J that I used to date is coming home today to help his parents move from our hometown... i.e., they will not live here anymore and honestly I'll probably never see him again. He and I were really more friends than anything... we went cross-country together last summer as friends, a few months before P and I started dating.

Anyway, J called and left a message last night that he'd like to "catch up". I don't know what he means by that, but I am left wondering what to do. I know for a fact that nothing related to J is at all worth messing up what I am building with P, but at the same time I don't want to overreact and be mean to a friend if it's not necessary.

I guess my question is this: what is the place for an ex in your life once you are committed to another, or is there a place at all? I tend to think, although I really care about my exes (because really, they were more friends than anything else, as I would never date someone who wasn't a good friend), that having a place for any other guy in my life might just complicate things too much. However, what's the answer? Not answering the phone? Is that not rude? Another option would be just to take P with me, I guess, but that would be pretty strange. Or maybe not, I don't know?

I don't want to jeopardize anything with P - that is the main point of anything I'll do. I am just wondering what y'all's opinion of this is.

 

[JWBZ SVT]

Talk to "P" about it and see what his thoughts are. Tell him what you just told us and see if you feel the same after talking with P face to face. Perhaps, bring P with you and introduce P and J--afterall J is/was mostly a friend. Could you and P pray about this together?

If P would get too jacked out of shape then I wouldn't see J, and I'm saying that from a perspective of what I would do in that situation.

 

[MrsSeptemberPenguin]

Talk to "P" see how he feels about it. If he doesn't want you to don't be offended but look at it from his veiw. You could offer to let him to come with you but that would probably be really weird for him so don't pressure him at all. Most importantly pray about it.

 

[<Follower>]

I agree.
explain the whole thing to P like you just did here.

Tell you what, having you be open like this would surely help boost my trust in you.
My honey tells me everything, and shed would march right in and give me every detail of this type of thing and ask me how I feel.

Be open with him, tell him how you feel just like your OP, and he'll most likely be fine with whatever you 2 do to catch up.

 

[Hope_0004]

Yeah, I am leaning toward just not going, but I think I'll tell him what's up anyway. I keep thinking about it, and I know that if it was me, I would not want him going out with his ex... he's only dated one other girl and it ended badly, so that probably won't happen, but it doesn't matter - it's how I'd feel, and I'd hope he wouldn't go, at least not without me.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that J is now a successful doctor and is also very handsome. To me, P is the cutest, sweetest, most hardworking guy I know and J doesn't stand a chance against him, but even to a guy like that J could be intimidating at first meeting. Therefore, taking P with me is probably out of the question - it would just be too much.

 

[invisiblebabe]

I agree, ask P what he thinks.

If you and J were at all physically intimate (not assuming you were, just saying what I would think is best in that situation), then it'd be best not to see him again.

 

[Lizzi4Christ]

By asking P, you're showing that you're not hiding anything. If you don't tell him, then it looks like you're trying to hide something.

 

[MrsGnomeCrusher]

I agree with talking with P about it. However, even if P agrees, I do not think you should see J alone without P or without someone else with you.

 

[Hope_0004]

Caelda - great avatar!

In the end, I decided not to see J - if I have to contemplate a decision for that long, it's probably going to be nothing but drama. And lately I have actually grown up a lot and decided to truly avoid drama as much as possible.

I could not care less now that it's over that I didn't see J. I love P and I'll probably never see J again. Not such a hard decision in the end, I guess!

Thanks for all the responses.