Evolution: The Science Fiction Story!

[Nathan Poe]

Daisy Duke, don't ever EVER let the droolings of the critics stop you from being creative!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And don't ever stop at one exclamation point when your idea is so weak it needs over fifty to show just how gosh-darn important it is!

Be creative, add something good and positive to this world.

Physician, heal thyself.

 

[Nathan Poe]

"[FONT=Arial, Geneva, Helvetica]It is so sad that the rest of his science class could not see the beauty in the Word. The simple beauty of God's handiwork, the universe. The stars and all the wonders just crying out declaring His glory, and yet they just won't open their eyes.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Geneva, Helvetica]The sadness, the infinite sadness."[/FONT]



So, is Jed going to slit his wrists anytime soon? I love a happy ending.

 

[tryptophan]

You know what, I feel like including my own parable. I feel SoF doesn't go far enough here. So here it is. Enjoy everyone!

Chapter 1

Professor Goodman stepped onto the steps of the science building ready to start getting his students to think criticially about science and other things. Goodman was a very famous teacher, loved by all he met (except for the godless atheists in power) and winner of several awards, including the Nobel Peace Prize, various Pulitzers among others. He was famous for picking up garbage along more than 1,000 miles of highway, searching for the cure for cancer (if only the medical elites didn't get in his way) and singlehandedly pushing a whole group of beached whales back into the ocean. Now, he was here to make the world better for all of his students. Today was the first day of classes, but he would have to talk with Dean Eviller about the syllabus for the class.

Goodman walked up the steps and in through the doors and past the offices that made up the science department. And there it was, Room 313, where Dr. Eviller would discuss the rest of the semester. Goodman knocked.

"Come on in," a voice from the other side of the door said.

"Thank you. I'm here to discuss this semester."

"Ah, welcome Dr. Goodman. Come in, come in. Have a seat. We're always happy to welcome a new member to the faculty. Would you like any panda jerky, imported all the way from China?"

Goodman was nonplussed, but tried not to show it. "Uh, no thank you."

"Now, let's discuss the semester." All of a sudden, the door open, and a young man stepped into the office.

"Excuse me, Dr. Eviller? I need some help with..." But he was cut off when Eviller took a shotgun out from behind his desk and shot the young man.

"Kids these days. Always interrupting." Goodman was appalled and couldn't believe it when he saw above the door, "Faculty members may shoot students for any reason." "Anyway, here's the syllabus for this semester."

Introductory Biology-1st Semester

Week 1-There is no god.

Week 2-If there is a god, he's evil.

Week 3-People who believe in god are evil.

Week 4-How creationism is evil.

Week 5-Natural selection.

Week 6-How your whole family is made up of monkeys.

Week 7-Eugenics

Week 8-How Nazism is good.

Week 9-How Communism is good.

Week 10-Sex and death are good.

Week 11-Darwin, the god of evolution.

Week 12-How to destroy religion.

Week 13-Scientific method, Biochemistry, Cell theory, Genetics, Ecology, Taxonomy

Goodman was horrified. "This, this is horrible."

"Yes, I know, but you don't have to do the last week if you don't get to it. Anyway, I'll get going. Have a great day teaching."

Eviller left, leaving Goodman not knowing what to do. But he left for class, trying to figure out what to do.

 

[Wiccan_Child]

"[FONT=Arial, Geneva, Helvetica]It is so sad that the rest of his science class could not see the beauty in the Word. The simple beauty of God's handiwork, the universe. The stars and all the wonders just crying out declaring His glory, and yet they just won't open their eyes.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Geneva, Helvetica]The sadness, the infinite sadness."[/FONT]



So, is Jed going to slit his wrists anytime soon? I love a happy ending.

You have a sense of humour that rivals that of us Brits

 

[TheOutsider]

Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness? When is Billie Corgan going to show up? Is he going to bring his wonderous ego? Are we going to get some cool Pumpkins lyrics thrown in amidst the football talk?

I'm looking forward to this....

"Emptiness is loneliness
and loneliness is cleanliness
And cleanliness is godliness
and god is empty just like me"

 

[thaumaturgy]

"Emptiness is loneliness
and loneliness is cleanliness
And cleanliness is godliness
and god is empty just like me"

QED!

 

[IzzyPop]

You know what, I feel like including my own parable. I feel SoF doesn't go far enough here. So here it is. Enjoy everyone!

Chapter 1

snip


"Excuse me, Dr. Eviller? I need some help with..." But he was cut off when Eviller took a shotgun out from behind his desk and shot the young man.

"Kids these days. Always interrupting." Goodman was appalled and couldn't believe it when he saw above the door, "Faculty members may shoot students for any reason." "Anyway, here's the syllabus for this semester."

snip

Hey, I've been to college and that is just not true!!!!! The professors are required to give a warning shot first. Unless they have tenure. Only then can they wound on the first shot, but never shoot to kill on purpose. The only way I left unscathed was to skip class at every opportunity and sit in the back when I absolutely had to be there.

The rest of it, though...Honest truth...

 

[ReverendDG]

Hey, I've been to college and that is just not true!!!!! The professors are required to give a warning shot first. Unless they have tenure. Only then can they wound on the first shot, but never shoot to kill on purpose. The only way I left unscathed was to skip class at every opportunity and sit in the back when I absolutely had to be there.

you have to be quick i heard.. some of them are so evil they wing you and leave you for rabid TAs to hunt down

The rest of it, though...Honest truth...

nah he's missing the part were everyone sells their souls to satan and naked virgins, other wise its good

 

[IzzyPop]

you have to be quick i heard.. some of them are so evil they wing you and leave you for rabid TAs to hunt down

Fortunately, TAs are repulsed by the smell of booze. Which is another reason I escaped college unscathed.

nah he's missing the part were everyone sells their souls to satan and naked virgins, other wise its good

I thought that was only for grad students.

 

[thaumaturgy]

Fortunately, TAs are repulsed by the smell of booze. Which is another reason I escaped college unscathed.

TA's repulsed by the smell of booze??? I don't know about that. Perhaps you weren't in the geology grad program?

I knew one TA who would have gladly pulped a person if he thought there was a trace of ethanol in his or her system to be had.

 

[tryptophan]

Hey, I've been to college and that is just not true!!!!! The professors are required to give a warning shot first. Unless they have tenure. Only then can they wound on the first shot, but never shoot to kill on purpose. The only way I left unscathed was to skip class at every opportunity and sit in the back when I absolutely had to be there.

The rest of it, though...Honest truth...

I know, but I had to take some creative liberties. Mentioning the warning shot rule would ruin the rhthym of what I was trying to say.

 

[JamesDaJust]

QED!

and loneliness is cleanliness

Yes, the intellectual prophesy of the Smashing Pumpkins.

Got at least 2 of em.

 

[horuhe00]

***(This is a parable. I hope everyone learns something from this story. Discuss your favorite points and characters and have some fun.)***

Wow, you wrote that all by yourself?

Thank God that Jesus' parables make sence.

My favorite point is the last one. At the end of the last sentence.

 

[horuhe00]

I suspect at this point SoF has us all on ignore.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Yeah! I remember now... He put me on the ignore list, I think.

 

[USincognito]

I'm tempted to call SoF's writing tripe, but I don't want to be insulting to tripe.

 

[michabo]

I'm tempted to call SoF's writing tripe, but I don't want to be insulting to tripe.

I think it better resembles stuff that comes out of tripe. In either direction.

 

[ReverendDG]

Fortunately, TAs are repulsed by the smell of booze. Which is another reason I escaped college unscathed.

it depends on the religion, atheist TA's are repulsed by the sign of the fish.. thats why i carry around at least a 6 pound trout, sad i have to replace it every few days...

I thought that was only for grad students.

it depends on if you've payed your 200 dollars to the flesh eatting zombie of anton lavay

 

[ReverendDG]

TA's repulsed by the smell of booze??? I don't know about that. Perhaps you weren't in the geology grad program?

I knew one TA who would have gladly pulped a person if he thought there was a trace of ethanol in his or her system to be had.

really? i knew it! vampires!
where is my flame thrower

 

[ReverendDG]

I know, but I had to take some creative liberties. Mentioning the warning shot rule would ruin the rhthym of what I was trying to say.

i suppose its better than commuity college teachers who set bear traps and pit falls
they almost got me!

sorry i'm in an odd mood

 

[MissionFM]

A VOID.......Is this how you fill?