Everything Feels Out of Control

[NoddaProbBob]

The title says it all. Everything feels so out of control right now...
Things were going quite well for me. I've been going to therapy every week, trying to get everything out, and it all just feels futile. It was all going well and then it's like, when something gets pulled out of me in therapy, I lose the little progress that I made the week before. I generally don't feel the need to cut after a session, but this past week, I walked in mad, and left even angrier. I ended up cutting as soon as I left and got to the car...Since then, just in my travels, I've had to stop and pull over the car several times to cut. Needless to say, I feel beyond pathetic and lost. I feel like I'm losing control and I just got it back.
I'm starting not to see the point of going to therapy. And I don't want to feel that way. My sessions have become increasingly one sided, with me being on the apathetic side of things. Probably because I have little hope of change and I counteract everything my therapist says. But in all reality, it's the most honest I've been about my thoughts and feelings with anyone, the feelings just aren't all that good...

 

[Criada]

You are in my prayers, sweetie.
Please don't give up on therapy - I know it can feel as though it's making things worse, but if you keep going through that it really will start to get better.

 

[Dianna_Child of God]

The title says it all. Everything feels so out of control right now...
Things were going quite well for me. I've been going to therapy every week, trying to get everything out, and it all just feels futile. It was all going well and then it's like, when something gets pulled out of me in therapy, I lose the little progress that I made the week before. I generally don't feel the need to cut after a session, but this past week, I walked in mad, and left even angrier. I ended up cutting as soon as I left and got to the car...Since then, just in my travels, I've had to stop and pull over the car several times to cut. Needless to say, I feel beyond pathetic and lost. I feel like I'm losing control and I just got it back.
I'm starting not to see the point of going to therapy. And I don't want to feel that way. My sessions have become increasingly one sided, with me being on the apathetic side of things. Probably because I have little hope of change and I counteract everything my therapist says. But in all reality, it's the most honest I've been about my thoughts and feelings with anyone, the feelings just aren't all that good...

Do you think a change in who you see would make any difference? Praying for you.

 

[NoddaProbBob]

Thank you Criada!
I really want to stick with it, I just don't have the support system within my family so sometimes I second guess me being in therapy. Ultimately I know it's for the better.

 

[Dianna_Child of God]

Thank you Criada!
I really want to stick with it, I just don't have the support system within my family so sometimes I second guess me being in therapy. Ultimately I know it's for the better.

Having a family who don't give us the support we need is hard. What about a church family? Do you have that? It can be such a lonely feeling.

A good book to keep on hand is Self-Injury: When Pain Feels Good. It is a small Christian book and it is really great to read in times of need. I keep mine on me all the time. I found it much cheap at the Christian bookstore here then online.

http://www.amazon.com/Self-Injury-F...6977/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1323257151&sr=8-1

 

[Mayflower1]

Sometimes things do get worse before they get better. But you were doing well, and a good thing is you can remember that. It will get well again. Do you have a good support system to help you pull through this?

praying for you.

 

[Dianna_Child of God]

Do you have the option of changing therapist? Sometimes it can take going through a few of them to find the one best for you.

Sounds like it is out of control for sure. Having to pull over your car to cut is a huge red flag.

You really need a therapist who will listen. It can make a lot of difference.

 

[NoddaProbBob]

Having a family who don't give us the support we need is hard. What about a church family? Do you have that? It can be such a lonely feeling.

A good book to keep on hand is Self-Injury: When Pain Feels Good. It is a small Christian book and it is really great to read in times of need. I keep mine on me all the time. I found it much cheap at the Christian bookstore here then online.

http://www.amazon.com/Self-Injury-F...6977/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1323257151&sr=8-1

Thank you thank you thank you! I've really been wishing there was a Christian perspective on self injury and I am so happy to have found a source through you! Anything helps!
And I don't have any support system other than through here. A couple friends know but it's not adequate enough. No church family either.

 

[NoddaProbBob]

Sometimes things do get worse before they get better. But you were doing well, and a good thing is you can remember that. It will get well again. Do you have a good support system to help you pull through this?

praying for you.

Thank you for your prayers!
I'll get back up again. I don't have the greatest support system, but I'm learning that it is the way it is.

 

[Mayflower1]

I found good support through my church, and you can also get involved in groups like Celebrate Recovery. Also, I found that volunteering at places helps me get my mind off of things, because I can help others.

 

[Dianna_Child of God]

Thank you thank you thank you! I've really been wishing there was a Christian perspective on self injury and I am so happy to have found a source through you! Anything helps!
And I don't have any support system other than through here. A couple friends know but it's not adequate enough. No church family either.

I was happy when the book was handed to me. I didn't think there would be anything out there for this issue and Christians.There are a number of books by the same company, I have a number of those too.

http://www.amazon.com/s/?ie=UTF8&ke...es+for+changing+lives)&ie=UTF8&qid=1323550873

I am glad you can come here for support.

 

[NoddaProbBob]

I found good support through my church, and you can also get involved in groups like Celebrate Recovery. Also, I found that volunteering at places helps me get my mind off of things, because I can help others.

I'm glad that you were able to find a good church support system. I wish I could have that! I just miss church in general but I haven't been able to find one which suits me.

 

[NoddaProbBob]

I was happy when the book was handed to me. I didn't think there would be anything out there for this issue and Christians.There are a number of books by the same company, I have a number of those too.

http://www.amazon.com/s/?ie=UTF8&ke...es+for+changing+lives)&ie=UTF8&qid=1323550873

I am glad you can come here for support.

Like you, I am also glad to have it handed to me!
Thank you for the email by the way. I haven't had a chance to really get into it because I've been running around like crazy, but as soon as I start using it, I'll let you know how it goes. I like the format. I find too often that something will happen and I cannot attach a feeling to it, other than saying generally that I've reacted to it. That's probably the most challenging thing for myself right now is to be able to identify what I feel, other than nothing.

 

[Dianna_Child of God]

Identifying our feelings is wicked hard. Figuring out triggers, even harder.

 

[NoddaProbBob]

Identifying our feelings is wicked hard. Figuring out triggers, even harder.

In my experience I can say that I can identify triggers easier than my feelings. It seems kind of backwards doesn't it? lol