everyone who can Please reply

[kicker]

Hey everybody, my name is james and I'm still fairly new to this site. Many of you have been extremely kind and helpful to me. I am going through a cycle of this stuff and its lasted months this time instead of a few weeks. I understand ocd morphs into different types. My question is whether what I'm thinking and feeling the last few months is unique or have you had these exact types of thoughts. Several of you talk about blasphemous thoughts and the unpardonable sin. I have not battled those exact thoughts as I understand them to mean saying things against the HS.
The things I'm battling right now are thoughts against Jesus and God. Thoughts of not wanting Christ anymore, rejecting Him and repulsive feelings toward spiritual things. For example I will hear someone talking about God and ill get feelings of disgust come across my mind or it might be my kids praying over our meal and thinking why should I pray to Him. Basically they are the kind of thoughts I would associate with an unbeliever or maybe even an atheist and I'm scared I will never get better. I don't know the difference between my mind and my heart right now but I don't want these thoughts to the best of my knowledge. I have battled doubts of my salvation for almost 25 years and up until the last few months my problem was did I really believe, was I sincere, did I really repent was I trusting and not trying, etc. But I had a profound desire to know God above all else. Now it seems like I don't care or I'm tired of it all but yet I'm worried sick about not being saved. I want so bad to be saved and know it but yet I feel numb towards God. My brother was talking yeterday about all these signs going on and that the rapture would probably be within the next five years and I got scared to death because I'm scared I would be left behind and go to hell for not trusting God. I could go on and on with all my fears and doubts but ill leave off here. Please be honest and tell me if you have suffered these exact types of thoughts. I am worried that I'm way different than everyone else. If you have time share some of your thought battles. Thanks for taking time to help someone who is really going through it.

Sincerely

James

 

[Ryskee182]

yes i can definetly relate to alot of those thoughts. its hard man I'll tell you that. first off tho, you are saved, you are going to Heaven. God keeps your salvation for you. Its not yours to hold on to, its yours to accept as a free gift. So for now, pray alot and ask got to give you discernment to know your heart from your head. and know in your heart that if you are so repulsed by all these thoughts then they definetly are OCD, not you. Prayers bro!

 

[Jayangel81]

Aside from blasphemous and this unpardonable sin (which is so taken out of context)

I used to have allot of "other" thoughts.

 

[god4ever]

kicker, listen to what your saying you want so bad to be saved right? then believe god has saved you because he said if anyone calls upon the name of the they shall be saved. believe me i know what your talking about i to havethese feelings and thoughts i like want to cringe sometimes when i hear anything about god jesus or the holy spirit that is because i have so much fear inside me and my mind clinges to that then i start obcessing because i'm so scared of it being true. i hope this has helped you some. i know people can say the same stuff to me and i still doubt and need that assurace that i haven't done it or i don't want to be like this.
god bless you daphney

 

[seajoy]

God has a hold on you. You have an illness. And yes, I've had the exact thoughts when praying at the table as you have. I just say "oh well" and go on with my meal. That way the thoughts have lost all their power over you. Jesus knows you belong to Him. It's ok to do this therapy. Our faith is not dependent on us....God gave us our faith. He works on it till the last day. He is the Author and Finisher of our faith. Do not fret....accept your illness, dear one.

 

[gracealone]

Hi James,
What you've been thinking, how you've been feeling, everything you described is not unique but quite common for those of us with OCD. (Normally, abnormal)
Just a few of my own OCD spikes have been. What if I haven't really believed good enough, with enough faith? What if this means I've never really been a Christian all along? I've felt numb toward God. I've felt like I didn't want to read my Bible go to church or even pray. Doing so at those times only made me spike all the harder. I've been terrified that I already was or was in the process of becoming an Athiest. I've worried that I'd be the "fake Christian" left behind at the Rapture. And last of all I've been at that same place that you're at where I was terrified that I'd never get better. But I was wrong. ERP and medication has helped me to manage my illness and I am doing so good right now.
It's all OCD my friend. That statement doesn't minimize the excruciating mental pain that it causes. But what it does do is inform you that you have to treat your OCD like OCD and not as a spiritual problem.
I don't care what your Christian Dr. friend told you about your OCD being spiritual warfare. OCD is an illness in the same way diabetes, high blood pressure, thyroid disease etc. are illnessses. If a person wants to define it as spiritual warfare than they must be ready to say that in every case of illness we are enaging in spiritual warfare. And this may be true of all illnesses in the sense that all trials and tribulations are purposeful afflictions in the life of a Christian in order that His strength be perfected in our weaknesses. Being afflicted with OCD is not due to a lack of faith or sin but to a chemical imbalance in the chemistry of the brain.
So when the thoughts come you simply have to use the right medication on them in order to work toward the goal of extinguishing them. You have to ignore them by using ERP techniques just as Seajoy described.
You know the thoughts are OCD when attending to them only makes you feel all the more miserable.
I hope you've been reading some of the articles on Dr. Philipson's website. They have been so helpful to me in learning to do ERP correctly.
www.ocdonline.com
Your whole email is a symptomatic OCD response because what it really is, is the compulsive checking and reassurance seeking side of the disorder. You feel compelled by the anxiety response to keep checking to try and gain absolute certainty that "you're faith is locked". (Thank you Marcb - for that insightful statement.) The question- "Is this really OCD?" is also an OCD spike because it prompts the compulsive checking response too. Bugger of an illness, isn't it? But the more you learn to recognize it's tactics the better armed you'll be to deal with it.
I am praying for you brother.
Mitzi

Hey everybody, my name is james and I'm still fairly new to this site. Many of you have been extremely kind and helpful to me. I am going through a cycle of this stuff and its lasted months this time instead of a few weeks. I understand ocd morphs into different types. My question is whether what I'm thinking and feeling the last few months is unique or have you had these exact types of thoughts. Several of you talk about blasphemous thoughts and the unpardonable sin. I have not battled those exact thoughts as I understand them to mean saying things against the HS.
The things I'm battling right now are thoughts against Jesus and God. Thoughts of not wanting Christ anymore, rejecting Him and repulsive feelings toward spiritual things. For example I will hear someone talking about God and ill get feelings of disgust come across my mind or it might be my kids praying over our meal and thinking why should I pray to Him. Basically they are the kind of thoughts I would associate with an unbeliever or maybe even an atheist and I'm scared I will never get better. I don't know the difference between my mind and my heart right now but I don't want these thoughts to the best of my knowledge. I have battled doubts of my salvation for almost 25 years and up until the last few months my problem was did I really believe, was I sincere, did I really repent was I trusting and not trying, etc. But I had a profound desire to know God above all else. Now it seems like I don't care or I'm tired of it all but yet I'm worried sick about not being saved. I want so bad to be saved and know it but yet I feel numb towards God. My brother was talking yeterday about all these signs going on and that the rapture would probably be within the next five years and I got scared to death because I'm scared I would be left behind and go to hell for not trusting God. I could go on and on with all my fears and doubts but ill leave off here. Please be honest and tell me if you have suffered these exact types of thoughts. I am worried that I'm way different than everyone else. If you have time share some of your thought battles. Thanks for taking time to help someone who is really going through it.

Sincerely

James