Everyone Else's Happy Endings

[SentWest]

I'm frusterated and sad and need to vent.

I divorced my husband after 5 years of emotional abuse and neglect. He had anger problems, treated me like an idiot, refused to sleep with me and refused to spend any time with me whatsoever.

Our relationship was great until we got married, then practically on our wedding night it was like a switch was flipped and suddenly I wasn't a person any longer, but a pet, or furniture. HIS furniture. He even straight up told me that I was his wife, I wasn't going anywhere, so he didn't have to be nice to me anymore.

So after five years of crying myself to sleep and not being able to get through to him in any way I left.

Apparantly, it was a shock to his system and he changed a bunch of things. Now, according to our mutual friends, he is blissfully happy with a wonderful beautiful woman, and their life is everything that I tried so so hard to build with him.

This is the same thing that happened to my parents. After they got divorced they changed themselves in all the positive ways that would have kept them together, but only would do so to make OTHER people happy. They tore apart my life rather than working to make changes.

I'm just so frusterated. I change and change and compromise and bend and try to make my SO's life awesome, and I always end up like this. They treat me like s***, and turn around and give the best of themselves to someone else. EVERY time. EVERY relationship I've ever had.

There must be something about me so horribly broken and ugly, that people sense I'm not worth any work at all.

 

[Photorebel]

I am so sorry to read of this. I can feel the pain in your words.

I would encourage you to start taking care of yourself. Realize...you..were not responsible for how your husband treated you. Those were HIS choices.

But rest assured, because you treated you like crap..does not mean you were crap. It means..it was HIS problem..



God Bless you.

 

[dayhiker]

I'm sorry as well that you had that happen to you.
I suspect things are quite as nice with him as your hearing.

OH, that was a great vent. Love it.

 

[SentWest]

Thanks gentlemen. I actually felt much better as soon as I wrote that.

I do know that relationships quite often are far different from the inside than from observers looking in. So, despite our mutual friends' reports, I really shouldn't get all huffy.

Problem is sometimes I do anyways.

My current relationship is having the same problems, even though my now-fiance thought that the way my ex treated me was horrible and abusive.

I intentionally try to pick men who won't turn into iceburgs a year into the relationship, but I guess my picker is broken.

*Le Sigh*

 

[SentWest]

I would encourage you to start taking care of yourself. Realize...you..were not responsible for how your husband treated you. Those were HIS choices.

It's hard. I'm a giver, and I expect that if I give enough, they'll want to give back.

With the ex, every deficiency in the relationship was somehow my fault. He was perfect, so the way he treated me must also be perfect, and if I had a problem it was my fault. Eventually I was so tired of debating my own feelings I gave up and just took it.

It's hard to crawl out from under years of that.