Everthing seems blurry and fading

[nasa1]

Hey,
I have been involved with christianity, in some form or another, for most of my life. I also did the "born again" or "ask Jesus into your heart" thing back in 92. I also got baptised.

Things havent changed much since then. In fact, they basically got worse. I was never taught to be a good or kind person. I was taught to be pure, and accept the nicene creed, the Trinity, to be baptised in the Holy Spirit (pathetic experience.) I was taught christian fundamental truths and called myself a fundamentalist. Thankfully I got away from that.

Right now I dont know what to believe. I would like to work with the elderly. I want to practice and achieve holy living. I want to learn kindness, tolerance and love. I dont give a damn about a useless creed, and the Trinity is a ridiculously contradictive concept. I want something real.

I also dont want to be merchandised. I am not paying for good news, learning about Jesus, or how to be healed. Dont offer me "20 talks for 20 bucks" thinking its cheap so you're doing me a service. You are still taking advantage of me. The Way should not go to the high bidders. If you can afford the tapes, cd's and dvd's but I cant, am I doomed to be a poor christian? While you rise higher and higher?

One thing I am really depressed about is sin. I want Jesus to be Lord and obey him. But every time I turn around I have a yoke of sin. I actually feel something heavy in my spirit or soul, something heavy is there. I feel like a failure. Somebody said something to me a month ago that just ripped me apart: he said "you've been a christian for 14 years and its done nothing for you."

And its true. I feel like a failure. I feel like Jesus is going further away. The cross and resurrection have lost the meaning they once had. Yes I know I am saved from hell. But I need deliverance and help in my life right NOW. I do not have a job (got my first job last year but only lasted a month and a half.) I'm 38. I have bi polar mental illness and have been hospitalized a few times. And a social worker dumped my 16 year old son back on me because no foster home would take him. He constantly makes me feel stupid. And I cant say anything because yes, I only have a grade 10, yes I have nothing to look forward to. Yes I am stupid and a loser I have known that since I was a little girl. Jesus died for me. That's nice, how does it help me? When will I have victory over sin?

 

[nasa1]

The other thing too is that I find the Bible to be Jewish oriented. And Jesus was king of the Jews, not Gentiles. I feel like an unclean pig when I hear that word "gentile." Jewish people get to be dignified and labelled with a special name. But the rest are gentiles. We dont get any individuality or uniqueness. We're just ugly gentiles.

So I am wondering if Jesus is just a tribal god for Jews. Is there a god for Chinese? For Japanese? Why should I follow a god that taught things in Jewish concepts? The bible was written in Jewish concepts. How do I relate to it? How can a gentile dog like myself relate to 2000 year old jewish ideas taught by a jewish rabbi claiming to be god's son?

I think if Jesus really is god's son, then he should not have been a member of any race. He should have just came down from heaven as is.

The bible says god doesnt play favorites, but what a lie that is! God prefers jewish people. I dare you to show me ONE kind act he did for the Philistines, for example. He ignored everyone except one group. And now, christians claim to be "the" group. Now its a religious group he loves more than others. Before, it was a tribal group. God is no respector of persons? Think again.

I'm not a jew and I'm not a christian. And I refuse to be labelled a gentile, an undignified term. I dont even want to labelled a woman. I read this on a signature once: you can call a man a dog or a pig but if you called them a woman, its the ultimate insult!

I guess I dont want to feel worthless anymore. I need to be proud of myself or love myself for some reason or I will die. I want to be somebody. And dont none of you please tell me I'm a saint or more than a conqueror. That means nothing to me and it does nothing for me. And dont give me the cliche "Jesus loves you" because thats just a sad wish and something conjored up by evangelicals who live in a dream world. Show me one verse that says the apostles went around acting like idiots telling the ignorant "Jesus loves you." THEY DIDNT! Jesus is King of thE Jews. I am not of those people. So who is my god?

Jesus came to save those "under the law." Thats not me. So where is my god with my book that I as a white half german half english person can relate to? When will God come to earth as a chinese, and teach parables according to the culture's ethics and laws? Where is my own God, for me, who relates to me and comes in my flesh to relate to me?

 

[E.C.]

Hey,
I have been involved with christianity, in some form or another, for most of my life. I also did the "born again" or "ask Jesus into your heart" thing back in 92. I also got baptised.

Things havent changed much since then. In fact, they basically got worse. I was never taught to be a good or kind person. I was taught to be pure, and accept the nicene creed, the Trinity, to be baptised in the Holy Spirit (pathetic experience.) I was taught christian fundamental truths and called myself a fundamentalist. Thankfully I got away from that.

Right now I dont know what to believe. I would like to work with the elderly. I want to practice and achieve holy living. I want to learn kindness, tolerance and love. I dont give a damn about a useless creed, and the Trinity is a ridiculously contradictive concept. I want something real.

I also dont want to be merchandised. I am not paying for good news, learning about Jesus, or how to be healed. Dont offer me "20 talks for 20 bucks" thinking its cheap so you're doing me a service. You are still taking advantage of me. The Way should not go to the high bidders. If you can afford the tapes, cd's and dvd's but I cant, am I doomed to be a poor christian? While you rise higher and higher?

One thing I am really depressed about is sin. I want Jesus to be Lord and obey him. But every time I turn around I have a yoke of sin. I actually feel something heavy in my spirit or soul, something heavy is there. I feel like a failure. Somebody said something to me a month ago that just ripped me apart: he said "you've been a christian for 14 years and its done nothing for you."

Perhaps staying away from Evangelicals would be best.

And its true. I feel like a failure. I feel like Jesus is going further away. The cross and resurrection have lost the meaning they once had. Yes I know I am saved from hell. But I need deliverance and help in my life right NOW. I do not have a job (got my first job last year but only lasted a month and a half.) I'm 38. I have bi polar mental illness and have been hospitalized a few times. And a social worker dumped my 16 year old son back on me because no foster home would take him. He constantly makes me feel stupid. And I cant say anything because yes, I only have a grade 10, yes I have nothing to look forward to. Yes I am stupid and a loser I have known that since I was a little girl. Jesus died for me. That's nice, how does it help me? When will I have victory over sin?

The other thing too is that I find the Bible to be Jewish oriented. And Jesus was king of the Jews, not Gentiles. I feel like an unclean pig when I hear that word "gentile." Jewish people get to be dignified and labelled with a special name. But the rest are gentiles. We dont get any individuality or uniqueness. We're just ugly gentiles.

So I am wondering if Jesus is just a tribal god for Jews. Is there a god for Chinese? For Japanese? Why should I follow a god that taught things in Jewish concepts? The bible was written in Jewish concepts. How do I relate to it? How can a gentile dog like myself relate to 2000 year old jewish ideas taught by a jewish rabbi claiming to be god's son?

I think if Jesus really is god's son, then he should not have been a member of any race. He should have just came down from heaven as is.

The bible says god doesnt play favorites, but what a lie that is! God prefers jewish people. I dare you to show me ONE kind act he did for the Philistines, for example. He ignored everyone except one group. And now, christians claim to be "the" group. Now its a religious group he loves more than others. Before, it was a tribal group. God is no respector of persons? Think again.

I'm not a jew and I'm not a christian. And I refuse to be labelled a gentile, an undignified term. I dont even want to labelled a woman. I read this on a signature once: you can call a man a dog or a pig but if you called them a woman, its the ultimate insult!

I guess I dont want to feel worthless anymore. I need to be proud of myself or love myself for some reason or I will die. I want to be somebody. And dont none of you please tell me I'm a saint or more than a conqueror. That means nothing to me and it does nothing for me. And dont give me the cliche "Jesus loves you" because thats just a sad wish and something conjored up by evangelicals who live in a dream world. Show me one verse that says the apostles went around acting like idiots telling the ignorant "Jesus loves you." THEY DIDNT! Jesus is King of thE Jews. I am not of those people. So who is my god?

Jesus came to save those "under the law." Thats not me. So where is my god with my book that I as a white half german half english person can relate to? When will God come to earth as a chinese, and teach parables according to the culture's ethics and laws? Where is my own God, for me, who relates to me and comes in my flesh to relate to me?

Christ came for everybody. Not just the Jews.

St. Paul ministered to the Gentiles and he was selected specifically by Christ to minister. He just happened to go to the Gentiles.

Christianity has spread all over the world and most of that began with St. Paul when he went to the Greeks. Thomas went to India, Mark to Egypt and Andrew to Russia and Scotland.

These are men whom Christ selected Himself. A few were called directly, some were called by those who were called and one was even thrown off of his horse.

Now, if these men were selected by Christ and they went throughout the world to the Gentiles of many sizes, shapes, forms, races, nations and ethnicities; than how can one say that Christ is only for the Jews?
(I'm not asking to chastise, but to understand)

 

[nasa1]

Because Christ was only a teacher for Jews. I dont care if paul was sent to the "gentiles."
ugh what an ugly word.

 

[BlackSabb]

Hey,
I have been involved with christianity, in some form or another, for most of my life. I also did the "born again" or "ask Jesus into your heart" thing back in 92. I also got baptised.

Things havent changed much since then. In fact, they basically got worse. I was never taught to be a good or kind person. I was taught to be pure, and accept the nicene creed, the Trinity, to be baptised in the Holy Spirit (pathetic experience.) I was taught christian fundamental truths and called myself a fundamentalist. Thankfully I got away from that.

Right now I dont know what to believe. I would like to work with the elderly. I want to practice and achieve holy living. I want to learn kindness, tolerance and love. I dont give a damn about a useless creed, and the Trinity is a ridiculously contradictive concept. I want something real.

I also dont want to be merchandised. I am not paying for good news, learning about Jesus, or how to be healed. Dont offer me "20 talks for 20 bucks" thinking its cheap so you're doing me a service. You are still taking advantage of me. The Way should not go to the high bidders. If you can afford the tapes, cd's and dvd's but I cant, am I doomed to be a poor christian? While you rise higher and higher?

One thing I am really depressed about is sin. I want Jesus to be Lord and obey him. But every time I turn around I have a yoke of sin. I actually feel something heavy in my spirit or soul, something heavy is there. I feel like a failure. Somebody said something to me a month ago that just ripped me apart: he said "you've been a christian for 14 years and its done nothing for you."

And its true. I feel like a failure. I feel like Jesus is going further away. The cross and resurrection have lost the meaning they once had. Yes I know I am saved from hell. But I need deliverance and help in my life right NOW. I do not have a job (got my first job last year but only lasted a month and a half.) I'm 38. I have bi polar mental illness and have been hospitalized a few times. And a social worker dumped my 16 year old son back on me because no foster home would take him. He constantly makes me feel stupid. And I cant say anything because yes, I only have a grade 10, yes I have nothing to look forward to. Yes I am stupid and a loser I have known that since I was a little girl. Jesus died for me. That's nice, how does it help me? When will I have victory over sin?

I really feel for you because you remind me of how I've been feeling about Christianity for many years now. It seems to be all about dogmatism, fundmantalism, correct ideology, going to the right church, getting "anointed", etc.

I believe all of this is wrong. Perhaps you, like me, need to get back to simple Christian belief. Living the life, obeying the teachings of Jesus, loving all without partiality, forgiving others, forgiving yourself, being faithful in having fellowship but without all the trappings of all these super duper televangelist style preachers with their fancy crusades, so called miracle services and endless books, cds, dvds and tapes.

The Bible does say that the fervent prayers of a righteous person has much effect. You don't have to be a big player in some mega church, you don't have to be a televangelist or the like. Simple faith, fellowship, righteousness.

God needs your needs, hurts and desires. Get back to that simple faith and Christian living and stay away from the glam mega church fads and fashions, with all their miracles, anointings, prophecies etc.

Btw, were you involved with the Pentecostal/charismatic church? By what you've said, it sounds like it to me. My advice is to never walk into one of those denominations. They will burn you with all their fads, fashions and skewed beliefs and practices. Find a simple, honest church when you feel the time is right.

But before that, get back to your simple faith and Christian living.

 

[nasa1]

Hi,
I have never went to a pentecostal church but I have gone through some bad experiences over the years.

I want a simple Christian life too. But I dont want to commit anymore sin. I want Jesus as Lord. I dont want to be a sinner anymore. Sin disgusts me. I want something higher and powerful and victorious. How can I stop sinning?

 

[BlackSabb]

Hi,
I have never went to a pentecostal church but I have gone through some bad experiences over the years.

I want a simple Christian life too. But I dont want to commit anymore sin. I want Jesus as Lord. I dont want to be a sinner anymore. Sin disgusts me. I want something higher and powerful and victorious. How can I stop sinning?

You have an unhealthy obsession with "sin". You need to stop looking and focussing on sin and look towards the one who forgives sin. I think that would help you a lot.

Jesus knows we are all sinners. And I'll tell you bluntly. You'll keep on sinning till the day you die. Stop obsessing with sin. Focus on Jesus and his forgiveness.

 

[Redheadedstepchild]

Mod Hat On

This thread has been moved from Bridge Builders - Moderate Christians to General Struggles in Recovery. Thank you for your patience!

Mod Hat Off​

 

[Criada]

I am sorry things are so hard, sister.
I can understand some of your concerns.... I don't have any instant answers.
I know that Jesus came for everyone, that He loves you unconditionally and enormously, and that He will never leave you or forsake you.
I also know that He took your sin, and mine, on the cross. We still sin, because we are not yet perfect.. but the power it has over us is broken by His free forgiveness.

Just keep talking to Him, read the gospels and look for the way He loves and accepts everyone.. not just one group, but all those who come to him.
I am praying for you.

 

[MyHeroIsJesus]

I think John Piper said it best when he said. "I hear so many Christians murmuring about their imperfections and their failures and their addictions and their shortcomings, And I see so little war. Murmur murmur murmur why am I this way, MAKE WAR!"

To make this a little more clear please watch the videos posted below.

YouTube - John Piper - Make War

The Bible is where you will find your answers, embrace it and be led by the Holy Spirit in your struggles.

YouTube - "I'm Not Ashamed of the Scandal." (Paul Washer)

 

[Johnnz]

Hi,
I have never went to a pentecostal church but I have gone through some bad experiences over the years.

I want a simple Christian life too. But I dont want to commit anymore sin. I want Jesus as Lord. I dont want to be a sinner anymore. Sin disgusts me. I want something higher and powerful and victorious. How can I stop sinning?

Firstly the message "Receive Jesus into your heart" is just not what the NT church was taught. They were told that Jesus, having conquered death, had now assumed His rightful place as Lord of the universe. We now are invited to begin sharing in a life that will reach a climax when Jesus returns, gives us new bodies and we live in a wonderfully recreated world. So, discovering what that means for us now becomes an exciting journey.

Sin. There is far too much focus on sin and not enough on holy living, which is not so much the absence of sin but rather an appreciation of what the divine life is all about. The two are very different.

Don't be too discouraged about your failures. Jesus has them fully covered. Plus, Paul the apostle, in Romans tells us of his failures. That's a very human condition, which is why we need what Jesus has gifted to us.

John
NZ

 

[Mr.Cheese]

.

 

[Lemmiwinks]

Somebody said something to me a month ago that just ripped me apart: he said "you've been a christian for 14 years and its done nothing for you."

I bet the Israelites got that kind of thing a lot. "You've been wandering in the desert 40 years, and still haven't gotten to the promised land! God must have failed you all." Or when the Assyrians and Babylonians carried them off into captivity, or when the Romans crushed Israel, etc.

 

[nasa1]

all the creeds and doctrines in the world do not replace the relationship.
maybe your current disillusionment is actually bringing you closer to embarking on a real relationship with the savior.

I hope so.

 

[Tangible]

A fellow recovering Evangelical here. You truly have my sympathies. I've found a wonderful home in the Lutheran Church - Missouri Synod. Seriously Biblical Christianity that actively rejects Legalism and Pietism.

Pietism - thinking you can earn God's approval by being more moral than everybody else - was the bane of my existence as an Evangelical. It drove me further from God instead of closer to God. Now that I see things much more clearly through the lens of the Cross, and growing in Christ has never been such a blessing.

I'll be praying for you, nasa1.

 

[oryx]

this may sound strange but believe that your old self was crucified with Jesus on the cross and that your new self is not nasa1 trying to copy Jesus but rather Jesus alive and working through nasa1. God didn't come to make our old sinful self stronger against sin but to do away with it entirely-and already has through crucifying it with Jesus- and give us a new life. It is Jesus in you who leads the perfect life and fulfills the law, the hard part is trusting that it is God who does that and allowing Him to do that.

" But suppose we seek to be made right with God through faith in Christ and then we are found guilty because we have abandoned the law. Would that mean Christ has led us into sin? Absolutely not! Rather, I am a sinner if I rebuild the old system of law I already tore down. For when I tried to keep the law, it condemned me. So I died to the law—I stopped trying to meet all its requirements—so that I might live for God. My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Galatians 2 v 17-20