Ethics & Appropriate Boundaries To Brotherly Love?

[CarefulDrifter]

I really like to love and care for other guys (as a man myself), and sometimes wish I could bring my friends to bed with me for some innocent cuddles and maybe sleep, but I have some concerns about whether it is right of me. My first concern is that I will end up inciting lust and perverting my relationships, I want to avoid this and keep to a pure sort of love. My second concern is that this is not becoming of me as a brother in Christ to partake in. Is there any biblical guidance for this? Is such a thing healthy? Am I not being childish, wanting to hold my friends so close with me and in such intimacy? My third and final concern is that my friends will get the wrong messages, or perhaps push me away for something they view as culturally innapropriate, or perhaps be too uncomfortable with such closeness.

As far as I know, the bible does not prohibit this, and I am unaware of what fruit this practice will bear, and whether it is supportive of the close brotherly bond I love and want. I could use guidance on brotherly love in general, because I really enjoy intimacy and physical contact with others, which seems to be an unpopular stance. If you have any wisdom, please let me hear it.

 

[2PhiloVoid]

I really like to love and care for other guys (as a man myself), and sometimes wish I could bring my friends to bed with me for some innocent cuddles and maybe sleep, but I have some concerns about whether it is right of me. My first concern is that I will end up inciting lust and perverting my relationships, I want to avoid this and keep to a pure sort of love. My second concern is that this is not becoming of me as a brother in Christ to partake in. Is there any biblical guidance for this? Is such a thing healthy? Am I not being childish, wanting to hold my friends so close with me and in such intimacy? My third and final concern is that my friends will get the wrong messages, or perhaps push me away for something they view as culturally innapropriate, or perhaps be too uncomfortable with such closeness.

As far as I know, the bible does not prohibit this, and I am unaware of what fruit this practice will bear, and whether it is supportive of the close brotherly bond I love and want. I could use guidance on brotherly love in general, because I really enjoy intimacy and physical contact with others, which seems to be an unpopular stance. If you have any wisdom, please let me hear it.

Personally, I don't know of anyone who likes to cuddle in this fashion, especially if they're a Christian, but welcome to CF nevertheless!

 

[com7fy8]

I would say our brotherly love has us caring for both our brothers and our sisters.

Or else, we might be loving something outward.

So - - - John rested his head on Jesus' bosom . . . right?

But the attraction was to who and how Jesus is, and Jesus in a brother or a sister in Christ is the same Jesus. So, like I say, if you are affectionate only toward men . . . that possibly is not attraction to Jesus.

And there is more we could get into.

I would say pray. Be able to be guided by God.

And if you do not know how a brother would feel about this . . . this can mean you are attracted without even getting to know someone enough to understand the person and how he feels about things, including like this.

And in case lust could get started, this could mean your attraction is not . . . what you need to feed on.

So, in case you are not . . . why are you not also affectionately attracted to Christian sisters of Jesus??

In my case, I appreciate both ladies and brothers of Jesus. But it seems there can be lust toward certain ladies. And lust isn't a Christian attraction. But I do have what I would say is love that is God's, with both men and women; and the lust can spoil me from this. Love is so better than what lust would have me hoping to get.

So, trust God to correct and develop you to relate in His love, and so we can be sharing with God Himself while sharing with Christian brothers and sisters.

 

[Aaron112]

Yes, this is prohibited in the Bible, several times and ways.
It is of the flesh, not from God, not from above.
Also, "AVOID all appearance of evil." Don't dwell on evil, dream about it, or propose anything sinful.

the bible does not prohibit this

 

[ozso]

Wanting to cuddle in bed with other men is an expression of latent homosexuality.

 

[CarefulDrifter]

I would say our brotherly love has us caring for both our brothers and our sisters.

Or else, we might be loving something outward.

So - - - John rested his head on Jesus' bosom . . . right?

But the attraction was to who and how Jesus is, and Jesus in a brother or a sister in Christ is the same Jesus. So, like I say, if you are affectionate only toward men . . . that possibly is not attraction to Jesus.

And there is more we could get into.

I would say pray. Be able to be guided by God.

And if you do not know how a brother would feel about this . . . this can mean you are attracted without even getting to know someone enough to understand the person and how he feels about things, including like this.

And in case lust could get started, this could mean your attraction is not . . . what you need to feed on.

So, in case you are not . . . why are you not also affectionately attracted to Christian sisters of Jesus??

In my case, I appreciate both ladies and brothers of Jesus. But it seems there can be lust toward certain ladies. And lust isn't a Christian attraction. But I do have what I would say is love that is God's, with both men and women; and the lust can spoil me from this. Love is so better than what lust would have me hoping to get.

So, trust God to correct and develop you to relate in His love, and so we can be sharing with God Himself while sharing with Christian brothers and sisters.

Thanks for your response, good points here.

To start with, I do have attraction to women, but they are "a world apart" so to speak. I believe Peter(?) once said it is right for a man not to touch a woman, I agree with him, because I know many who are prone to catch feelings if you are too affectionate. I love my sisters of Christ too, but I recognize on some level that finding rest with a woman is really something you should try to keep either marital or professional. I don't have to ask whether its right to be too affectionate with a woman, because the nature of our difference is inherently sexual, as opposed to with other men with which the natural relationship is not sexual.

My desire for this stems from wanting to find rest in others, I want to lean on someone for emotional support, and keep someone by my side. This is really what I want, but society seems to say this is beyond the realm of friendship. Lust may not be the base for this desire, but I'm just worried whether that's the natural conclusion, seen as that sort of relationship seems to be exclusively romantic in society. That's kind of why i'm looking for guidance on proper behavior among Christian brothers.

 

[CarefulDrifter]

TLDR: I want greater intimacy with my brothers because I'm an emotional wreck- but am also worried about getting too close because once again, I'm an emotional wreck.

 

[com7fy8]

Thank you for clarifying.

Another item > if you cuddle with brothers, there is the possibility that the other person has problems which might be aggravated by cuddling with you.

Back to what you are saying >

In general, if any question is bringing you into confusion and struggle, it could be something which needs to not be getting your attention. You might do well to table it and not let it take you over. But instead pray and feed on what God's word calls for your attention.

And while you are with brothers and sisters, enjoy them as things are . . . while you are together as family . . . **not getting isolated** with anyone. But have comfort as family.

Spend time with mature men and women. Feed on the example of how mature married couples are relating. Intimacy and comfort are not really physical. Mature seniors can help you with this.

Yes we need how Jesus strengthens us so that troubling and dominating emotions can not get to us and mess us up. This does not come by having someone make you feel good by cuddling. This comes with Jesus correcting us deeply and maturing us in His love which is gentle and humble and generously forgiving.

"'Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.'" (Matthew 11:29)

Jesus is almighty and He is gentle and humble > His gentle and humble love has almighty power to guard us against nasty and negative and cruel feelings and emotions; so do not give in to that abuse, and do not trust what cruel and dominating emotions and thinking are telling you.

But trust Jesus to change us so ***we*** are resting in how He shares with us and guides us, and enjoy discovering how He has us seeing things in the light of His peace.

And have compassion for yourself and others, about however you're not perfect at this >

"casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7)

Do not be ashamed or guilt-tripping and criticizing yourself, and be patient with anyone who is lacking compassion for you; but have hope and know our Father loves us and is committed to changing us to be strong with Jesus and one another in His loving.

With Jesus in us we can be intimate and comforted >

"But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him." (1 Corinthians 6:17)

As we grow in Christ we can be with anyone who is not comforting, at all, and still Jesus in us is able to keep us peaceable.

On the cross, look at how Jesus was and did things, and in us He can share this with us.

"And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma." (Ephesians 5:2)

 

[Jermayn]

I really like to love and care for other guys (as a man myself), and sometimes wish I could bring my friends to bed with me for some innocent cuddles and maybe sleep, but I have some concerns about whether it is right of me. My first concern is that I will end up inciting lust and perverting my relationships, I want to avoid this and keep to a pure sort of love. My second concern is that this is not becoming of me as a brother in Christ to partake in. Is there any biblical guidance for this? Is such a thing healthy? Am I not being childish, wanting to hold my friends so close with me and in such intimacy? My third and final concern is that my friends will get the wrong messages, or perhaps push me away for something they view as culturally innapropriate, or perhaps be too uncomfortable with such closeness.

As far as I know, the bible does not prohibit this, and I am unaware of what fruit this practice will bear, and whether it is supportive of the close brotherly bond I love and want. I could use guidance on brotherly love in general, because I really enjoy intimacy and physical contact with others, which seems to be an unpopular stance. If you have any wisdom, please let me hear it.

I appreciate you opening up to such deeply personal matters. This is not something many people, especially men, would be open to sharing. It sounds like what you are craving isn't sexual or lustful in nature, but comfort, closeness, and emotional rest. It is important that we respect cultural norms, so I would encourage you to try these things instead:

-Shared prayer and accountability with trusted brothers
-Physical touch in culturally comfortable ways (a hand on the shoulder, a side hug, etc.)
-Spending restful time with others, even watching a movie or sharing a quiet evening together can bring that same sense of “rest” without overstepping emotional boundaries.

And you're absolutely right that biblical brotherhood is intimate in a deep, soul-level way. Jesus wept with His friends, leaned on them in the Garden, and shared His love openly. You’re not broken for wanting that closeness, you’re actually tapping into something profoundly human and holy. Just continue praying for wisdom and discernment as you pursue those kinds of relationships. God isn’t shaming you for wanting rest. He built us for connection. Another thought is that if it is physical touch you are yearning for, perhaps God is calling you to find a wife.