Equating thoughts with committing sins

[blackberrys77]

Hi everyone,

I was recently re-diagnosed with OCD and have been experiencing blasphemous thoughts and images, and fears of God leaving me due to thoughts I have had. I think that I have "trained" my mind to constantly have these bad thoughts. Not because I want them, but I think I started to believe that I should expect them constantly, so I keep saying these things in my mind trying to anticipate the bad thoughts and turn them into good/neutral ones.

Just as I was starting to get over the fear that God had left me, I had a very strange thought, and I don't know if I thought it intentionally. I was just about to eat dinner, and I had a thought that if I ate the food, I would be committing the unforgiveable sin. Like I was equating the two things. So I threw out my dinner because I was afraid that the thought would come true. I then had the thought again, saying that if I didn't tap my foot 10 times, I would be committing the unforgiveable sin. But this time, I started tapping my foot but it's like I didn't care enough to count. So I don't think I tapped 10 times. Then I got really scared thinking, what if my not doing what the thought told me to do is actually equivalent to committing the unforgiveable sin???? I started having images of being condemned for this. Then I was reading some post about hell and started getting really scared and angry at God. Can someone please help me????? Even if the thought wasn't OCD and I said it on purpose, will I be held accountable for this?

I know it sounds crazy but someone please help. I'm afraid that I'm going to be fooled into thinking that nothing bad will happen, and will end up in hell one day because of this.

 

[John Mc]

Remember we are not saved because of our work or our own effort. We are saved because of what HE did on the cross! We must lean on what the word says not what we think. OCD is a tricky foe and what you say sure sounds like OCD to me, I often have to remember that the thoughts are OCD as well as the FEELING When I start to FEEL bad I have to remember that is OCD too, you know when that feeling/thought comes up out of no where! A lot of times it will try and nail me when something good or fun is going on, I have to identify it, O that's OCD and that's fine I may have it for the rest of my life but right now I'm doing_______ . Also the Lord draws us to him we don't naturally go toward him, People that are concerned about where they are with the Lord obviously has his spirit working in their life!
Best
John Mc
Isa 53:5

 

[gracealone]

Hi Blackberry,
It's good that you already have the OCD diagnosis because then you know that's what's going on even though it feels horribly ominous.
OCD thoughts and images are always unwanted and intrusive and they are also uncontrolled events. So it's not your fault that they crop up like that and the fact that they distress you is what triggers the compulsive cycle.
When you try to neutralize them by countering them with a good thought you are teaching your brain that they are urgent & valid. When you threw away your food you were teaching your brain that the thoughts are dangerous. When you tapped your foot you were teaching your brain that the thoughts need to be fixed and attended to. All three of those activites are the compulsive side of the disorder. You do them because you are seeking a feeling of reassurance in regard to the thoughts. But when you do those things the thoughts will get more and more stuck in your head and they will seem ever more threatening and relevant.
It's a miserable and exhausting cycle.
Since you have had past experiences with OCD what were you taught to do in response to the distressing thoughts and images? Did a therapist ever teach you about Exposure and Response Prevention therapy? If not, that is what you need to learn about and begin to practice in response to the thoughts.
This is not a spiritual problem, a character flaw, a lack of faith etc. This is a real illness/affliction that has latched onto the theme of your faith in Christ. It really, really stinks but there is help for it and nearly everyone on this forum has experienced this type of OCD so you are not alone.
My OCD tortured me that I wasn't or had never really been a true believer, then it moved on to attack me with thoughts that I was turning into an athiest. So I understand your pain. Thankfully the Lord provided professional help for me and I'm so much better today that I can actually feel joy in my salvation again. You'll get there too, so take heart.
Praying for you,
Mitzi

Hi everyone,

I was recently re-diagnosed with OCD and have been experiencing blasphemous thoughts and images, and fears of God leaving me due to thoughts I have had. I think that I have "trained" my mind to constantly have these bad thoughts. Not because I want them, but I think I started to believe that I should expect them constantly, so I keep saying these things in my mind trying to anticipate the bad thoughts and turn them into good/neutral ones.

Just as I was starting to get over the fear that God had left me, I had a very strange thought, and I don't know if I thought it intentionally. I was just about to eat dinner, and I had a thought that if I ate the food, I would be committing the unforgiveable sin. Like I was equating the two things. So I threw out my dinner because I was afraid that the thought would come true. I then had the thought again, saying that if I didn't tap my foot 10 times, I would be committing the unforgiveable sin. But this time, I started tapping my foot but it's like I didn't care enough to count. So I don't think I tapped 10 times. Then I got really scared thinking, what if my not doing what the thought told me to do is actually equivalent to committing the unforgiveable sin???? I started having images of being condemned for this. Then I was reading some post about hell and started getting really scared and angry at God. Can someone please help me????? Even if the thought wasn't OCD and I said it on purpose, will I be held accountable for this?

I know it sounds crazy but someone please help. I'm afraid that I'm going to be fooled into thinking that nothing bad will happen, and will end up in hell one day because of this.

 

[Christian-Catholic]

Hello Blackberry, This is humble_catholic. I am also on this forum. This is a great forum too. Gracealone has gone through in her past what I am going through now exactly. She gives great advice. Your also in great hands here too

 

[visionary]

Always leave your thoughts in the Lord's hands.. He is the healer... He will help you... Take all your troubles to Him in prayer.. In recognising these wayward thoughts as disconnects helps reason to hold sway of your deeds.

 

[kaykay9.0]

Just to agree and add my .02 to everyone else's~ this is classic OCD. Don't equate having a thought go through your mind with consenting to it. We can't always control what runs through our brains. OCD makes us feel like we should be able to, but that's not how our brains work. And really, though it seems counter intuitive, the more you can train yourself to leave your thoughts alone and not assign any importance to these unwanted, intrusive thoughts, the quicker they will diminish and eventually leave entirely. I assume by your post that you are seeking treatment for your OCD. If not, I strongly encourage it. You might want to also check out the website www.ocdonline.com. I don't think Dr. Phillipson comes at it from a Christian perspective, but still has a lot of good insight about battling OCD. It's a worth a look if you haven't read it before. Praying for you~

 

[blackberrys77]

Thank you everyone for your sincere replies. I am only in the beginning stages of therapy. I've been to a few sessions and mostly the therapist is just trying to get to know me, so there hasn't been a lot of behavioral therapy yet. Although I have gotten a lot of good advice from Christian forums that I am trying to apply. It's really difficult, when you even have doubts whether the thoughts are OCD, or your own.

For example, with what I was explaining before with the foot tapping thing, I am worried that I may have said the thought on purpose, because I kept on expecting that maybe the thought would occur again. My thoughts get so muddled sometimes, and very tiring. Today has been a little better. I think it is because it is Mother's Day, so I had some other things to think about rather than just these horrible thoughts.

 

[HoneyComb Son]

your not alone!...I think I may beat ya on this one!...I struggled immensely with the unpardonable sin issue and thoughts

but I can say this..there was a time in my life..where I was so angry for a long time..in those months I actually cursed and swore against the Holy Spirit..I said what the pharisees said in the bible...and more..I called him the Devil and the like..

but in the end..God didnt give up on me...its not what you have done or do..its what He has done

He is greater then your sin and he knows more then you do..its not about what you feel or what you;ve done and your mind


you are forgiven..forever more

 

[shelovesChrist]

hey,

i used to fear all the time that these unwanted thoughts would affect my faith, my walk with the Lord, my salvation, my blessings, etc. but we must remember through the storm who He is and He wouldn't condemn us for something we want deliverance from. He knows that all we want to do is be closer to Him and the thoughts really sucks but He understands and is just. For Him to condemn us for these things would make Him unjust and He is merciful and just. Praying that He continue to keep you in this storm. my heart truly goes out but know that you are not alone in this. other sisters and brothers in Christ are sufferening as well but He has us in His hand and we can't be plucked =]

A lot of times it will try and nail me when something good or fun is going on

same here and it sucks because you just want to enjoy the goodness of life for that one moment.

but in the end..God didnt give up on me...its not what you have done or do..its what He has done

amen . sometimes the worries and anxieties of this distract us from this truth, but we had to remind ourselves. we can't let our feelings get in the way.

 

[babegirl111]

I can assure you that what you are experiencing is OCD EXACTLY! Don't let it over come you.

 

[Christian-Catholic]

All I can say is I feel the love and comraderie in this room. I truely believe that the Lord put us here for each other

 

[newfielove]

Hey Blackberrys;

I can empathize with you!!! Goodness, I struggled with this in my early 20s. It's as if, once I got out of college, I hit a brick wall and fell into depression. I was involved with a Christian guy who spent his time just consoling and comforting me. The waves of sadness were consuming me. But I started having horrible thoughts toward God, about God, and I wondered if I had lost my salvation or grieved God to the point that He had left me. I also did a lot of counting...not sure why I did...I would listen to a song, and would often count to the beat of the music. Other times I would curse and swear in my mind. It caused me to feel like a double minded person, like a hypocrite. I walked around in shame.
The main form of OCD I am dealing with now is HOCD (fear of being gay/lesbian). And it's crazy - you have to do the opposite of what you feel you need to do. When I would have an intrusive thought, I would feel like I must address it immediately. No way could I let it just sit there, open ended, not dealt with and wrapped up neatly. But now I'm trying to just let it go and not give it any attention, so as not to feed the anxiety. It's still there sometimes, but I'm trying so hard not to give in to the compulsion to assure myself that I'm not a lesbian.
Only thing that stinks is that medication and the underlying anxiety sure ruins the warm fuzzies you get being around the opposite sex. I'm dating a new guy now, and while my heart isn't maniacally racing and I'm not feeling fireworks, I'm trying not to let that deter me from developing a healthy, Christ-centered relationship. My anxiety is rooted in that...why am I not feeling the teenage-like puppy love feelings? Makes me question everything. I could use some prayer in just relaxing in God and letting Him lead the way.

 

[ripple the car]

talk to the Lord about it! this is the greatest help for me, when the invasive, unwanted, unholy, nasty, or disturbing thoughts start flooding in.

"Lord, i'm overwhelmed with this. i keep having these terrible thoughts, and i know they don't honour You, nor do i want to be having them! please help me, Father, to focus my thoughts on You, and use my thoughts more productively. thank you, Lord. in Christ's Name, amen".

another thing that helps wonderfully and is a great mercy is beginning to pray for others when those thoughts or fears start approaching. interecede for them, simply and earnestly, in your own words. it will bring the attention off of yourself, and allow you to connect to God, and elevate your thoughts from the base, to the heavenly. if you slip up (start obssesing mid-prayer) just say a quick "i'm sorry, Lord", and keep going. God understands, and will keep you in Him.

 

[blackberrys77]

Hi everyone,

I'm really grateful for all of your responses and support. I am still struggling with the thoughts, but I am learning to try to ignore them, because I KNOW that they aren't true and that I don't believe in them. However, recently the thoughts started shifting just because of something I read online that was supposed to be helping me. I started getting "unbelief" thoughts and obsessing over what would happen if someone would say that they reject their faith...and if they can ever be forgiven for that. I kept thinking about what Jesus said about denying those who deny him. The verses just made me so anxious that I keep having thoughts relating to them almost non-stop, and I feel like I am doing something really bad. Then I try to think about it rationally, and I know that I still believe, and will always believe and try to do the right thing. What makes me feel even more guilty is that sometimes I will get so frustrated with the thoughts, that I will laugh at them. Then I feel evil, and sometimes I will get bitter and tell God that it isn't fair that I should have such thoughts when they are the last thing I would want.

Right now I am trying to just not think too deeply into things, and not question everything. I am also trying to occupy my time more by trying to be more social. Of course I always pray, but sometimes I even feel bitter as I'm praying. Which of course is upsetting.

Thanks everyone for all your good advice and kind words. I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[kaykay9.0]

Hi everyone,

I'm really grateful for all of your responses and support. I am still struggling with the thoughts, but I am learning to try to ignore them, because I KNOW that they aren't true and that I don't believe in them. However, recently the thoughts started shifting just because of something I read online that was supposed to be helping me. I started getting "unbelief" thoughts and obsessing over what would happen if someone would say that they reject their faith...and if they can ever be forgiven for that. I kept thinking about what Jesus said about denying those who deny him. The verses just made me so anxious that I keep having thoughts relating to them almost non-stop, and I feel like I am doing something really bad. Then I try to think about it rationally, and I know that I still believe, and will always believe and try to do the right thing. What makes me feel even more guilty is that sometimes I will get so frustrated with the thoughts, that I will laugh at them. Then I feel evil, and sometimes I will get bitter and tell God that it isn't fair that I should have such thoughts when they are the last thing I would want.

Right now I am trying to just not think too deeply into things, and not question everything. I am also trying to occupy my time more by trying to be more social. Of course I always pray, but sometimes I even feel bitter as I'm praying. Which of course is upsetting.

Thanks everyone for all your good advice and kind words. I will keep you in my prayers.

You're on the right track about trying to ignore the thoughts. Believe me, most of us can relate to much of your post. It is so typical of the way OCD operates. I know that doesn't change things, but hopefully, it helps to know you're far from alone in having struggled with this kind of mess.
Praying for you~

 

[blackberrys77]

Thanks kaykay. It truly does help to know that others have been through what I have. Today one of the things that got me upset is that I try so hard to "block" the thoughts by trying to make them into good thoughts, but for some reason that doesnt always work, and then I feel responsible for fabricating the thoughts that turn bad myself. The other weird thing that happened today is that while I was shopping I found something I liked, and then I started having all these scary thoughts attached to it, so I had to put it back on the rack because it scared me too much to buy it. Sigh. Thank you for praying for me. I will keep you in my payers as also.