Engagement

[SirFei]

Alright, well first off, let me introduce myself...
My name is Marc, and this is my first post to this board. I have a question about engagement and wanted a Christian response (more so of one that won't judge me or anything), thus I went out to find a Christian Forum... which brings me here.

I have been with my girlfriend for over a year now, and though we have had several arguments, we have always come out ahead upon talking about it afterwards. We've grown with each other as well as with the Lord.
Now I've come to the time about thinking of asking her to marry me... This is a big step, and I'm not sure yet what to do. I'm trying to pray on the subject, but still am not positive. It may be my fear of committment, not rejection because I'm positive she would say yes when I actually ask. I love her truly from my heart as she also makes me the happiest man just to be with her.

My big question, however, is the ring. Growing up in a house of guys hasn't really helped me in this situation... As it is, is there any rules as to what kind of ring? If it has to be a diamond, a certain type of ring?? I'm so lost on that subject. Can anyone help here?

Thank you,
Marc

 

[rwl]

A) Good luck
B)You mention that there have been some arguments and such but at the end you always end up talking through them...Rock on!! That is the great start to a wonderfull, lasting marriage.
C) You mention you've both grown in the lord... Another huge bonus.
D) The ring... Well since I'm a guy and I have NO CLUE what kind of bling to get her I'm only going to say that if it's from the heart then she'll love it. I'll let the ladies of this forum elaborate on that one though.

 

[Susan]

Don't feel confined to the traditional is my best advice. Do you know what her favorite stone (i.e. emerald, ruby, turquoise, diamond, etc) is? If you can afford it, a ring with that stone in it as well as a diamond would be seen as very thoughtful of you.

LOL, I can't give much advice since I have no experience here either, but I'm very happy to hear that you've found happiness.

 

[IslandBreeze]

If you're having serious doubts, you need to pray and think about it some more. Doubting is a sign that you are NOT ready, and this girl is possibly NOT the one. Secondly, I wouldn't recommend being engaged for any longer than a year, so if you can't get married soon, you're not ready because of that either.

 

[Acceptance]

I think I would cry if my boyfriend proposed with anything other than a diamond. I love the tradition of it. A girl I went to school with had an engagement ring that was only metal (it had some metal design on it to set it apart from the wedding band) and she said that while she loved the idea of the uniqueness at the time, the nostalgia of it had faded (in ~2 years time) and now wishes she had a more traditional ring. The other thing she said was that people never identify her ring as a wedding ring.

Above this though, I would say be absolutely sure you're ready before you propose. You're only 21 after all.

 

[PegasusOnFire]

Ok, my husband proposed to me when he was 21. He gave me a diamond ring. I love it, but I would have also loved anyother stone that he could have chosen. It is the fact that he put out the thought to get the ring in the first place that is what I enjoy. I would have even accepted if there had not been a ring at all. It is the thought that counts, IMO not the materal gift.

 

[Valencia]

I think I would cry if my boyfriend proposed with anything other than a diamond.

That sounds a bit materialistic isn't it the thought that counts.

 

[Living4Him03]

isn't it just a blessing that God would bless us with a Godly husband who will love and cherish us til death? Why do we need to place so much emphasis on a ring? bleh

As for your ring situation, what kind of rings does she currently wear? most girls like diamonds, so whatever size it is is unimportant, if it's from you and she loves you she will not care. if she wears gold jewelery it would be okay to get a gold band, but if she likes silver then go with silver. I would go talk to a jeweler and tell them your price range and see what they have. choose what you think she'd like. i am sure she'll be thrilled.

 

[Dawn Marie]

If you're having serious doubts, you need to pray and think about it some more. Doubting is a sign that you are NOT ready, and this girl is possibly NOT the one. Secondly, I wouldn't recommend being engaged for any longer than a year, so if you can't get married soon, you're not ready because of that either.

He did not say he was having doubts. He asked for advice on a ring.

 

[Warrior Poet]

Dude you gotta pull the "while-shopping-at-the-mall-pull-her-into-the-jeweler-and-ask her-what-kinda-stones-and-cuts-she-would-buy" move. Its a classic move I think most guys have at one point have used it. Honey what is a princess cut diamond some guy was talking about it yesterday.......?? Her choice and opinion is gonna be the best shot. Most likely when you are looking act kinda not interested look at necklaces and stuff then go "oh that ring is cool...Oh i kind like that one..Oh that one is ugly..." but be making mental notes none stop. The trick is you only got one shot if you start going into multiple stores....the jig is up. Good luck and stay convert.

WP out.

Warrior Poet

 

[Lizzi4Christ]

My aunt has a pearl instead of a diamond for her engagement ring. Unfortunately she needs it replaced ever few years since pearls are soft and easily break/dent.

I like WP's idea.

It really doesn't matter. It's the thought that counts. And that thought is you wanting to spend the rest of your life with her.

 

[Living4Him03]

WP has a good idea. FRom his other posts I believe he knows what he is talking about. If you take her and let her look like he said you will be able to find out what she likes. Which is really very sweet to do. If a guy did that for me wow...sheesh. i can't wait to have a guy feel that strongly for me! wow...

 

[Acceptance]

That sounds a bit materialistic isn't it the thought that counts.

I don't think it's the thought that counts, I think it's the commitment that counts. I would be elated if my boyfriend proposed even if he had no ring at all. The thing is, my boyfriend, being a bit older (34), doesn't just throw around words like "I want to marry you" the way he did when he was younger (and the way I did too with the guy I was dating at 18). In fact, after 2+ years of dating, he has never told me that he for sure wants to get married, yet we've looked at rings together, talked about buying a house together, talked about children, talked about finances, shared families during the holidays, and of course share prayer daily. He has told me that he will never say "I want to marry you" until the moment he is on his knee asking me for real. So while there has been a lot of thought behind what's going on in his head, there's no commitment yet.

IMO, an engagement ring is a symbol of his commitment to me. Of course it would be different if he couldn't afford a ring or something like that, but that is not the case (well, not my case). Just like the cross is a symbol of Christ, a ring is a symbol of marriage. It's traditional, it's symbolic, and I like it...no apologies.

BTW, it's not like I said "If the ring was less than a kt. I would say 'no'"; now that would be materialistic.

 

[Living4Him03]

Amen acceptance

 

[Acceptance]

He did not say he was having doubts. He asked for advice on a ring.

Actually he did say:

Now I've come to the time about thinking of asking her to marry me... This is a big step, and I'm not sure yet what to do. I'm trying to pray on the subject, but still am not positive.

 

[SirFei]

Thanks all for your comments and responses! I know diamonds are not a big deal to her as the subject has come up before. And as for that one post about any doubts, I don't have any that I love her with all my heart; she gives me that feeling when I think of her that's undescribable. It's just the question, am I ready for such a commitment? I am plagued like most men when it comes to commitment, which doesn't make me love her any less.

I have come to a conclusion that I do want to marry this girl, but I don't expect to propose quite yet.. I wanted to know more about the ring, if there was an absolute tradition that men had to stick with... If I plan on marrying this wonderful woman, I plan on giving her a ring, so I need to plan also ahead and see what kind of ring I should get her.

Thank you for the idea of taking her to a jewerly store and seeing what she says... That'll be actually quite easy at this time of the year if I just pull her to go shopping with me. --Thanks WarriorPoet

So, another question is that of her sister... she has this animosity (don't know if I used the right word there) towards me that I can't seem to overcome. What I mean is that she despises me, and the only thing I've done is love her sister (my girlfriend). I can understand why she would be concerned and watching out for her sister (my girlfriend) as my girlfriend's ex-boyfriend was not the best of guys. However, I've gone to prove myself (or at least tried) that I'm far better then he was many times over (which my girlfriend has even said to her sister), but she does not waver. There was a point where she would not even tolerate being in the same room as me and would immedietely leave when I entered. This hasn't been just a strain on me but also on my girlfriend as they've gotten into heated arguements.

I will admit, the tension has lightened, but it's not gone... I don't like to accuse anyone of this trait, but she is a rather selfish girl who seems to have learned that to get her way, she just has to make a fit. I don't know what to do anymore as she will rarely listen to me, and I've tried my best to show nothing but kindness... Any suggestions?

 

[Acceptance]

Yuck! That stinks that things are like that with her sister. Have you tried talking to her sister about things? Communication can do wonders for a sticky situation.

The other thing I wonder is...do any of her other family members feel this way about you? If they do, you may be unwittingly doing something to make them think you're not the greatest guy in the world, when you're around them. Or, you may be making too much of an effort to be nice and they perceive it as fake. If they don't, you may want to try talking to a family member about things, ask them if you did anything or what they would suggest to help make things better. But beware if you do this, if push came to shove, they'd likely take the sister's side, so tread lightly.

Good luck man, I'll say a prayer for you.

 

[SirFei]

Both her mother and father like me. I'm over a lot to their house (currently, the sister has moved out of the house, so I don't see her as much), and I have dinner with them, play card games, chat, etc. I joke around and guy talk with her father quite a lot (seeing how he doesn't get a lot of guys around the house with two daughters). He and I can joke about as well, so I'm sure he doesn't think low of me. I know there was a time that he didn't think the greatest, but at that time he didn't know me as well. My girlfriend's sister doesn't seem to want to get to know me.
*shrugs* I'm just not sure what to do, but I know through God, we'll be able to work things out.

 

[Mrs K 2004]

I personally don't have an engagement ring While part of me wishes I did, part of me is really enjoying the car that he bought me (My old clunker died about the time of his proposal, and so he helped me to get a new car, but in the end is just paying it off himself as a gift!)

I would find out what stone she really likes! As well as if she likes white or yellow gold! (I can't stand yellow gold for some reason...) That can make a HUGE difference!

 

[Warrior Poet]

Agree go with white gold....I like silver but white gold is just pretty

As for the sister not liking you well....you are never going to be fully accepted by everyone, it doesnt matter is its your girlfriends family, at your workplace, school, there is just gonna be people out there that dont like you for no reason (or a silly reason) at all. Its part of life. There is one thing you can do, live with it. If you TRY to make her like you go out of your way to do nice things stuff like that she will just get irritated and do the "he tries to hard" thing "hes so fake".....
Be you do what you do Be real. Let her oberve the feelings and attitude you have toward the family, in most senses kill her with kindness. Dont let someones unaccpetence change the way you are around people. She will come around either but just figuring you are gonna be around for a while and swalllow her pride, or genuinly get over it and realise she was being judgemental.

Either way you benefit from it.

Warrior Poet