When do you consider yourself engaged?
As far as engagements are concerned, there is a wide range of ideas as to when a couple considers them self to be engaged. With my fiancee and I, we had known each other for seven years, and had been dating on and off through the whole long-distance thing. He asked my mother if he could marry me, and she told him the following "If you really love my daughter the way you do, then please wait until she graduates high school. If when she graduates you wish to propose to her, then you have my blessing, but please do not rush into things. She has been hurt in the past, and I do not want her to be hurt again." We waited until after high school and on August 16th 2006, Jason Dettrey proposed to me. With a ring. I believe that you consider yourself to be engaged upon the permission of one's parents, and having their approval to marry, as well as the initial engagement announcement to your church and the newspaper, and lastly the proposal with the ring. That is when one is proposed. Proposals are not meant to be a long-term thing. Engagements are suppose to be the time of preparation before a wedding. I know the day Jason proposed to me, was the day we as a couple started to plan our wedding. We are getting married on 16th of August 2008 on Fort Myers Beach at Sunset.
Does he have to actually propose with the ring and everything before you consider yourself engaged?
Yes. He does need to propose, and with a ring. In the United States, United Kingdom, Ireland, Canada, Australia and in many other countries, an engagement ring is worn on the fourth finger of the left hand. This tradition Romans, who believed this finger to be the beginning of the vena amoris or "vein of love", the vein that leads to the heart.
The custom in Continental Europe and other countries is to wear it on the right hand. Romantic rings from the time of the Roman Empire and from as far back as 4 AD often resemble the Celtic symbol (two hands clasping a heart) and so it is thought that this was used as some symbol of love and commitment between two people.
In some other countries from South America, like in Argentina, man and woman use each one a ring, and these are generally very similar to the wedding rings, with the difference that they are made of silver instead of gold.
In Brazil they are always made of gold, and there is no tradition for the engagement ring. Both men and women wear the wedding band on their right hand while engaged and after they get married they shift to the left hand. It is typical for the woman's wedding band to contain two parts. One, which is given to her on the date of engagement, is customarily gold and contains small diamonds. The second is presented on the wedding day and has either more diamonds or one(s) of larger size. The two bands may be crafted into one. However, it has become common to have a mere one wedding band.
In the Bible, there were three steps the Jewish people had to take when getting married. The families first had to agree to the union, then a public announcement was made. At this point, the couple was betrothed, or engaged. Finally, they were officially married and began to live together. Betrothal then was somewhat similar to what we call engagement now, except that our society does not honor the seriousness of engagement as they did then. When a Jewish couple was betrothed during Biblical times, they were already bound together by a contract that could only be broken through death or divorce.
Any Christian who is considering marriage needs to realize the depth of this kind of commitment, and not jump into it lightly. God intends marriage to be a lifelong commitment, not a temporary arrangement. The Bible says this about marriage: "'This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.' Since they are no longer two but one, let no one separate them, for God has joined them together" (Mark 10:7-9, NLT).
Christians need to make sure they have a clear understanding of the person they may marry before becoming engaged. The Bible says that Christians cannot team up with and live in harmony with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14-15). This almost guarantees that the Christian will be pulled away from Christ because, as the Bible says, "'bad company corrupts good character'" (1 Corinthians 15:33). The only way to have a God-honoring, stable foundation for a marriage is to be firmly grounded in one's faith, and make sure that the potential partner is equally dedicated to God.
Christians should live their lives with God in the driver's seat, so to speak. He wants to be a part of every aspect of our lives, including whom we marry. Having a clear understanding of God's Word and developing a personal relationship with Him through prayer and yielding to the direction of the Holy Spirit is the first and most important step in determining His will for us. The world's advice on dating and engagement should only be considered in light of God's truths in Scripture. If we seek His will in all we do, He will direct our paths (Proverbs 3:5-6).
If you already know for sure you will get married (as in, you've talked about it, discussed plans or even started making them), but he hasn't officially proposed and asked, would you still consider yourself engaged?
No. The reason I state this is because anyone can talk about the fact that they want to marry a person, and in the blink of an eye, then that person they wanted to marry can be gone. This is considered childish to play around and think your engaged, in my opinion. If he really wants to marry you and you to him, then the proper steps need to be taken to consider you to become an engaged couple, and then married. Take it to god if you ever have any questions. That's what I do.
Congratulations on your upcoming marriage!
