Engagement- timing

[Trillias]

Hello,

Has anyone been/ is anyone in a situation where you are ready to get engaged in terms of your emotional committment, but not in terms of worldly situation?

My BF and I have been dating for a little over a year. We have discussed marriage and we both know that we want to get married, as soon as we can. We love each other and we are ready to commit to each other before God and the world. Problem is, he isn't in the financial situation he wants to be in before marriage, and we still live far apart. The ideal situation would be for him to find a job in his field, which would put him near me (we work in the same field, and it requires living in a certain area), one that pays enough to make him comfortable with supporting a family (perhaps not immediately, but with growth opportunities for the future). Right now he is working in the family business 3 hours away from me, and is miserable there. But he hasn't been able to find a job yet. There is also a deal we made when we first started dating that we wouldn't get engaged until we had gone through a busy time in our field, and managed to keep our relationship together through that pressure. That busy time will end this winter, and the likelihood is that the same time that ends, he will be able to find a job.
Meanwhile, since we made that deal, we have grown closer, to each other and to the Lord, and we feel like we are supposed to be together. And of course, now that we realize that, we're anxious to get started on our life together!

I know that the Lord has a time for everything in His plan, and that when it's right, it will happen, but does anyone have any advice for this impatient girl who isn't gettin' any younger ?

 

[KellyLeigh]

haha well at least I am not the only one that is impatient! My boyfriend wants to get married in January of 08, that time frame because I will be done with school next april. but impatient me would LOVE to be able to drop out of school or even take a year off and get married RIGHT NOW. I'm sorry I don't have any advice for you because frankly, I'm failing in that area as well. The only thing I do to make the time go by fast is after each week/month/semester or whatever I think about how it is one less and I get really excited. Then I think back to like 6 months ago and how fast that has gone by already, so it wont be much long. Bad advice I know, but it's the only thing I have been able to do for me so far.


Haha anyone else with better advice, I could use some of it too

 

[HisLittleHazelnut]

Yes, we got engaged anyway, and are having a long engagment.

But our courtship was only 3 weeks, so it was kind of fast anyway. We were planning on getting married at the end of that school year but then he was diagnosed with lupus and had to move back home for a year of treatment.

This got rid of the financial stability we had because we ended up using the funds we were going to use to get married with in supporting our needs.

 

[sjdennis]

Hello,

Has anyone been/ is anyone in a situation where you are ready to get engaged in terms of your emotional committment, but not in terms of worldly situation?

My BF and I have been dating for a little over a year. We have discussed marriage and we both know that we want to get married, as soon as we can. We love each other and we are ready to commit to each other before God and the world. Problem is, he isn't in the financial situation he wants to be in before marriage, and we still live far apart. The ideal situation would be for him to find a job in his field, which would put him near me (we work in the same field, and it requires living in a certain area), one that pays enough to make him comfortable with supporting a family (perhaps not immediately, but with growth opportunities for the future). Right now he is working in the family business 3 hours away from me, and is miserable there. But he hasn't been able to find a job yet. There is also a deal we made when we first started dating that we wouldn't get engaged until we had gone through a busy time in our field, and managed to keep our relationship together through that pressure. That busy time will end this winter, and the likelihood is that the same time that ends, he will be able to find a job.
Meanwhile, since we made that deal, we have grown closer, to each other and to the Lord, and we feel like we are supposed to be together. And of course, now that we realize that, we're anxious to get started on our life together!

I know that the Lord has a time for everything in His plan, and that when it's right, it will happen, but does anyone have any advice for this impatient girl who isn't gettin' any younger ?

If you get engaged, you can introduce him as your fiancee. You'll find this sounds a lot better than your boyfriend, as the words boyfriend / girlfriend can mean a wide range of relationships. If you are committed to getting married, go ahead and make the committment official. Nothing wrong with a long engagement (in saying that we dated for a year, engaged for 6 months then married. Would have got engaged earlier but tried to persuade my parents round to a favorable opinion of the idea before getting engaged!).

 

[peanutbutter12]

Hehe, 3 hours away... I would have loved for my wife to be 3 hours away from me when we were dating rather than the 9 hour flight.

I would look at all your options and discuss them together:

Is there a definate job for him if he moved there?
Would there be a job for you if you moved to him?
Would that job be enough to pay the rent, bills, food and have enough to save a little as well?

Start looking at houses in the areas you want to be in. Check prices and bills like heating and electric. Start calculating whether or not you would be able to make ends meet. If you can do it, I'd say go for it. The other questions would then be who is paying for the wedding? Will parents help foot the bill? etc.

It's better to start out life together just getting by rather than to have money problems later in life.

CJ