Engagement Rings

[Archivist]

It is traditional in a relationship that the man gives the woman an engagement ring. The custom has become so institutionalized that we are even told how many months salary is to be spent on the ring.

This custom certainly made sense in the days when women did not work outside the home. In fact, the ring once served as a sort of "insurance policy" to provide income for the wife in the event of her husband's death.

Does this custom make sense today when both parties are generally employed and where the woman might actually have greater earning power? Should the custom of giving an engagement ring be abolished or perhaps modified so that the man and the woman each buy a ring of similiar value for each other?

I have posted this same thread in the Singles Ministry, but I would like to see if the responses are different here in the Marriage Ministry.

 

[JillLars]

I never understood the "__ month's pay" for the ring, I would be afraid to wear a ring that costed 3 month's of my fiance's salary. That would cost 4,200 dollars. The ring I have on my finger now costed a little over 700, and its more than enough for me. I think its a ridiculous number promoted by jewlery companies to make more money

I bought my fiance an engagement ring, but it was less than half the cost of my ring. Why? Because he didn't want a fancy ring with diamonds (which is what we would have had to get in order to match the prices). It still cost me a pretty penny, and he wears it proudly.

 

[Violet]

It shouldn't matter how much the ring costs. The ring I have on my finger was handed down from my mother-in-law...it has more sentimental value. I just don't understand why so much emphasis is on the cost of the ring or how big the diamond is. Now i think it's okay if you can afford a 2 carat plantinum ring...but no one should have to pay 3 months salary for it. I would feel horrible if my husband paid that much for my ring!!

 

[Jenna]

I dunno, being that my husband and I were so poor at the time of our engagement, I didn't have a standard "engagement ring". He took his favorite ring from his own hand and gave it to me, and I wore it until we bought our matching wedding rings. I never felt funny at all over it or anything. It meant more for me that he would give me what was dear to him, instead of using money that we really needed for food for a flashy ring.

While we didn't do things the traditional way, I don't think that it should be discarded out of hand. I think that the tradition is nice, but that people need to always be mature about their decisions and not use a piece of jewelry as a measure against their love.

 

[charligirl]

We spent about £500 ($900) which is quite modest by todays standards and nowhere near even a months salary! We used our money to buy a house instead

 

[Andry]

It is traditional in a relationship that the man gives the woman an engagement ring. The custom has become so institutionalized that we are even told how many months salary is to be spent on the ring.

You've bought into deBeers' marketing campaign! Don't!

Diamonds aren't that rare. It's the control of supply / demand through probably one of the most successful if not also the most sophisticated continuous corporate campaigns that has had global impact on how we perceive diamonds. (And that's without even mentioning how it has impacted Africa as a continent.)

Biblically, does God single out diamonds as the precious stone?

 

[sarah marie]

My husband and I were determined to get married within our means. We financed nothing. My first engagement ring was a simple silver ring with the word "love" inscribed on it. We found at an art fair. It cost $12. Bucking tradition, I bought him a matching one. We both wore those until our wedding day. During our two year engagement, we searched the jewelry stores for our rings. We just couldn't find them. When we found one that came close enough, it was always out of our price range, since we were determined to pay cash. Shortly before the wedding, we decided to give a second hand store a shot. The first one we walked into had both of our rings. Mine came as a engagement/wedding set and cost $60. His had a cross and a fish on it and cost $40. We paid cash.

We paid cash for the wedding, the honeymoon and everything leading up to it (including the rings). The total cost: about $1000. We were married in the most beautiful setting. There was a river running behind us and birds chirping in the trees. I had a gorgeous wedding dress. The photography and videography were wonderful. The food was delicious (or so I'm told ). The music was perfect. There was dancing at the reception. The flowers were beautiful. The honeymoon was fun until my husband got sick. We had to come back a few days early. The best part was that we began our marriage wth no debt from it. We came back from our honeymoon broke, but there weren't going to be any bills in the mail.

God provides!

 

[Andry]

Sarah Marie,

Good for you!

Our wedding bands cost $150 - for both!! But it was a real deal and a real blessing: 22k (yes, genuine) from Singapore. The best comparable ones here in Vancouver at the time were 18k @ $700 each.

Also, I never gave my wife an 'engagement ring' until 4 years after we were married(!) by which point we could splurge a little bit.