Engagement Question

[wolfiswill]

My girlfriend and I met online last December and starting dating in April. She lives in Michigan and I live in SC. We do believe that God has brought us together. We are not in a hurry to rush things even though we'll probably get engaged in a few months. Over the last 10 months we have seen each other 4 times. My question is this: How do you grow when you are apart and do you get engaged when you are finally in the same area or do you get engaged and work towards the goal of eventually being in the same area? I am planning on moving to Michigan early next year.

 

[Maeyken]

I agree with what Blue said.
I think it would be easier to plan your wedding when you are living in the same area. It's nice to be able to go see venues, and interview vendors together. Of course, if the wedding is going to be held somewhere else, then that part doesn't make much difference. Really though, I'd say wait until you're moved and settled before proposing. That's just my opinion though- you'll know better whether it's appropriate for your situation.

 

[Evie1980]

I agree. Also to grow any relationship you need to communicate, liisten to each other and spend time together. You may live next door to each other but if you didn't talk the relationship wouldn't grow (by the way spending time together doesn't mean just in the physical sense - sometimes 2 people can be in same room and still not be together). You need to take time out of your daily routine and actually think about the other person, their needs in the relationship, and how you can help fill them then actually go do it. I hope this helps and may God bless you and your relationship.

 

[ChildOfGod20]

Get engaged when you know that this is definitely the person that God wants u to be with. I dont necessarily agree that u shouldnt get engaged until ur ready to start planning the wedding. Engagement means "a promise to marry." So when u know that God wants u to marry this person, promise to marry her and get engaged! (but MAKE SURE that it's what God wants! REALLY listen to him and don't get caught up in ur own desires) hope everything goes well!

 

[Hediru]

My boyfriend and I have been dating (courting, really, though we never called it that until recently) long distance for the past 3 1/2 years, and we both feel very strongly that God wants us to be together. But we are waiting until he moves out here (which will be in only 10 days! yes, I'm counting) before we take the next step and get engaged. But this doesn't mean that we don't have a very close relationship. You met your girlfriend online, so you already know how wonderful the internet can be for conversation. If you don't already, get an instant messenger service and chat online. Or set up a private chat room somewhere. The telephone, also, has been my best friend during this time. We set up telephone date times (when our cell phone minutes are free) and just talk, and talk, and talk, about everything in our lives. In this way, we are part of each others lives even though we live far away. But even more importantly, we listen. When you really listen to the other person, you can get to know them in ways that you might not get to in a traditional relationship. You form a bond on a completely different level. You learn to love the person on the inside without being distracted by the way he/she looks on the outside. Use every means possible to keep contact with her. If you haven't, get her mailing address and send her a present for no reason. Write her love letters. Or just write letters in general. Letters can mean much more than email. Send flowers. You name it! The sky's the limit! Good luck, and God bless!

 

[Leanna]

Since you are moving early next year, it doesn't seem you would have to wait too long to be in the same area. So I think you should wait until you are in the same area since it wouldn't be too hard to do(its only maybe 6 months right? You can do it!). Good luck.

 

[ChildOfGod20]

there are no rules to engagement. if a couple wants to be engaged for 4 years and they know that they are the people God has chosen for each other there is nothing wrong with that. i knew a couple who dated 2 years, found out they were the ones God wanted them to be with, were engaged for 3 years and then married. nothing wrong with that. i personally dont want to be engaged for a long time but i also see nothing wrong with getting engaged before u r ready to start planning. its not about being ready to start planning. thats just what people make it out to be. its also not about being a "placeholder" or a "security blanket." it is simply a promise to wed. i also havent seen many ppl on here say anything about God's timing, which is very important. Just because u r READY to be engaged/married doesn't mean u should. some ppl are financially and emotionally ready but have u made sure its what God wants?

 

[Oblivious]

I agree with others - you generally get engaged when you are ready to make "the" commitment (marriage). Don't be in such a rush. Wait until you two are in the same area, then see how it goes. Things are much different when you see someone every day as opposed to 4 times in 10 months.

 

[Inperfected]

MM agreed with blue and oblivious... ChildOfGod... Yes it is important that we make sure it is in God's timing, but as i have been taught at church (and makes logical sence to me), his timing isn't always that much about hearing from him, or "knowing" as they so often fail us. It is more about making sure circumstances are all in the right place (ie ready for marriage), feeling peaceful, not going against god's will (ie non christian, rules are pretty much in the bible), and particually counsel of others... and for the counsel bit, that isn't your friends who so much want it to happen, mainly older christians...

You see, being ready for marriage is a BIG deal before you get engaged... I was engaged at 17-18 and we were waiting about 3 years... As you can tell by the word "was" i no longer am. Now everyone who knew (rather private it was) was so happy, and sure we would, and were equally suprised when we broke up just under a year later. It's not all about the "knowing", because esp us younguns, think we "know" it all... And quite frankly we dont'.

yeah ok, so i'm now engaged... The difference is, those things line up with each other... We are able to get married anyday (if it wasn't for a 3ish month mission trip i'm going on) and we only are waiting 1 year because we want to have time on ourside, and make our parents more comfortable with it.

 

[wolfiswill]

Thanks for the info. I do agree that when you get engaged you should be ready to plan a wedding. We are not there yet, but hopefully we will be in a few months. I have a question for those of you who come from dysfuctional families. How did you work through those issues as individuals and as a couple? When do you start working through things as a couple before your engaged or after. this is my biggest concern because both of us come from families where the parents have divorced.