I'm engaged and once I got engaged all things strated going wrong for my fiancee. He lost his jobs since last october, lives in L.A and hasn't been able to find a job yet. I live in virginia and yesterday he called me up and gave me the saddest news I heard. He is being tempted by another woman from church. They call each other and they are stablishing right now a friendship. So, my Fiancee tells me he starts feeling things for this woman, and that his I love u's to me are not felt in the heart. That his heart feels some what empty and is starting to like this other woman. He justifies this new feeling because I don't go to church as much as he does, I don't excercise enough, I have problems in my family with my parents being possesive (I'm 26) He is 31. So, he is seeking the Lord to guide him. But, I don't know what I shall make of this. I love him. Yet I don't know if there is something fighting for, if he defends her. He says he started to feel something. SO, I'm a mess right now, depressed. Because I trusted him, I gave my heart unconditionally, but now I don't know what to do.
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Engaged and confused
- Thread starter c_vero00
- Start date
*hug*
You don't sound like you need to be engaged right now.
Be glad this happened BEFORE you married.
You don't sound like you need to be engaged right now.
Be glad this happened BEFORE you married.
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Because of $ reasons we canceled out marriage in Jul 31 2004. 
Now, 1 week later after the cancelation he says this. He says he doesn't want to give up on us. But, if I was tempted I think I would put distance between me and the other person who is giving second thoughts. Church to him is very important. I was a raised catholic and till I met him and his church I started going there. So, I accepted and said we would be going to his church. Though its hard being in a home where your family tells you, that you are crazy for going to another church. He feels frustrated that I don't go as often as he would like. Yet, I try. I feel like returning the ring back because it is given out of love. I don't seem to have love anymore, so it symbolizes nothing. Yet, even after this I still love him.
Now, 1 week later after the cancelation he says this. He says he doesn't want to give up on us. But, if I was tempted I think I would put distance between me and the other person who is giving second thoughts. Church to him is very important. I was a raised catholic and till I met him and his church I started going there. So, I accepted and said we would be going to his church. Though its hard being in a home where your family tells you, that you are crazy for going to another church. He feels frustrated that I don't go as often as he would like. Yet, I try. I feel like returning the ring back because it is given out of love. I don't seem to have love anymore, so it symbolizes nothing. Yet, even after this I still love him.
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LadyBird
Dance Me to the End of Love
I read this in a book last night...that if you have doubts, God is not guiding you. Wait it out and pray about it. If he is feeling things for another woman, why would you want to be married to him? Obviously he doesn't love you as much as he says because people who love each other don't go out and develop feelings for members of the opposite sex...they try to stay of situations like that!
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Warrior Poet
A Legendary Outlaw
- Jun 25, 2003
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Sometimes letting go of our "love" for someone is true love. I know I had to do just that, If i had really ever loved this girl the one thing I could do to prove it was let her walk. It was very hard but it feels so good to know she is happy. I agree with Cheese you two at this point have no buisness getting married, and in all honesty being together at this point. I know you still love him and I dont think that will ever go away but this ends up being a situation where love=patience or it needs to. I think he has a lot to work out on his own, his "vision" is blurred, cant seem to get a relationship right if he is being tempted by another and letting it happen, his thoughts are going to be on her a lot, from the sound of things it seems as though he is already "somewhere else". Im sorry you have to be going throught this, IMO he owes you the very least to be honest and say he isnt ready and you aren't "equally yoked". You deserve that. I say take a step back let this all blow over if you still want to persue the marriage then by all means do so, but this sounds like its about to get worse before it gets better. I wish you all the best. Have a good night.
Warrior Poet
Warrior Poet
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Vero,
I agree with Warrior on this one and Belle. I am concerned that he seems to want to hang on to you as a back up plan in case this new love of his doesn't work out then he'll come back and say oops ...
But his heart will not be yours then either and his heart will wander again to someone else. He is still shopping. And not loving you as you deserve.
I can tell you really want to make some excuses for him, but he will not grow and learn this lesson unless you sock it to him. You will hurt bunches and bunches but your self dignity will grow. If you let him toy with your heart will he ever truly respect you?
I agree with Warrior on this one and Belle. I am concerned that he seems to want to hang on to you as a back up plan in case this new love of his doesn't work out then he'll come back and say oops ...
But his heart will not be yours then either and his heart will wander again to someone else. He is still shopping. And not loving you as you deserve.
I can tell you really want to make some excuses for him, but he will not grow and learn this lesson unless you sock it to him. You will hurt bunches and bunches but your self dignity will grow. If you let him toy with your heart will he ever truly respect you?
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Sounds like you have a soul tie....something I had to deal with definately. You just need to pray that the Lord will take control of this situation and that His will be done here ya know? Cuz, this guy does NOT respect you going off and getting "feelings" for someone just like that. He needs some help from the Lord for sure. Sorry if I sound blunt here, but I've been reading "Kiss The Girls And Made Them Cry" by Lisa Bevere and it is so awesome...and one of things it emphasizes is how STRONGLY God loves His daughters and does NOT want them with just anyone. You are worth soooo much more than this guy is treating you c_verro. You are precious in the sight of God and He holds all your tears near to His heart. It sounds like you should just let this guy go. Just let him go and use the time as a time of prayer to draw near to God (He'll definately show you what to do and fill you with His peace if you just ask Him!). And don't be afraid to pour your heart out to Him, He really does care, truly--this I know
Luv ya and stay strong
Luv ya and stay strong
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I apologize in advance for my bluntness in my response, but someone has to say it.
Kick him to the curb, there are other guys.
Kick him to the curb, there are other guys.
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caley said:
Amen, and might I add that any girl who is willing to get involved with him given that he's engaged must really be looking to find sour grapes. Seriously, I'd say tell him you're sorry it didn't work out and let him go. If you try to cling to him he'll end up being his little "available" girl whenever he's ready to come back to you. If he was willing to give you a ring, be engaged, and not be ready to commit to you, then no way.
Let him go, and let him figure out what he's lost. The guy sounds like a non-keeper, and if he's in the Los Angeles area I'd personally like to smack him upside the head!
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Ceris
I R the Nutness (and I love sedatta )
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I agree with the others. Based off of your description, it sounds like he is not fully committed to you. I mean, he has "feelings" for another woman, says he is not heartfelt when he says "I love you", and TRIES TO JUSTIFY HIS WEAKNESS BY BLAMMING IT ON YOU! ! Any man that tries to justify his shortcommings in loyalty by blamming them on his fiance IS NOT WORTHY OF MARRIAGE.
I apologize for being so blunt, but his behavior is really, really making me angry.
! Any man that tries to justify his shortcommings in loyalty by blamming them on his fiance IS NOT WORTHY OF MARRIAGE.I apologize for being so blunt, but his behavior is really, really making me angry.
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Thanks so much for your advice. I've been seeking the lord, ALOT! I might not be as comitted as he is. I mean I just came into his religion 1 yr compare to his 10+ yrs. He expects I have the same level as him. You are right it is not justifyable to blame you developing another relationship on the things you don't have at home. I don't feel responsable for that, I try but I don't feel its my fault. He sure does not appreciate me. I mean ever since we been together, as friends as engaged I supported him in every way. Stuck to him to his hard times, I've been there for him, I mean he is unemployed and going thru difficult times but I have hope. Money is not what I wanted. The exercise I try to do it often now because he enjoys it. Not that I'm fat I'm size 3 he wants me with a more firm body. Then it was religion, I said yes, we go there as 1. Yet, I try to go but alone is harder when your own family is agaisnt it and mocking me all the time. SO he also complains that I'm not free and that I carry their responsibility. Which I do, I live with my parents, I help them financially, I do things with them even if I don't want. Though they have the old way of thinking in courting couples. Curfew and everything. So, because of this he thinks I'm a mama's girl. Which is not true because I'm not holding on to my family. I value family a lot. But, I stuck through much critizism to this guy. He knows its hard for me but has no simpathy. He just complains. Now, we talked about him moving to VA for at least 1-2 yrs once we married, now he says God doesn't show him that is the place he ought to be. So, he wants me to move to L.A.
I've seen how men who love their partner would do the world for her. Yet! I get nothing. My thinking might not be christian thinking. I just currently learned to accept that women should follow their husbands as it is in the bible. Ephesians 5 22:32 22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
I love him yes, I do but when he comes at the end of month, I think that one who loves is not selfish, loves, through hardships, and the greatest love is to want the other person to be happy even if it kills you. But, I think I'm letting Go. For my love is true. My love is the love that would give its life for another. But, until I can get it back this way. With the Lords help, I will get through it.
Thanks so much to all who opened my eyes in my most difficult time.
I've seen how men who love their partner would do the world for her. Yet! I get nothing. My thinking might not be christian thinking. I just currently learned to accept that women should follow their husbands as it is in the bible. Ephesians 5 22:32 22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
I love him yes, I do but when he comes at the end of month, I think that one who loves is not selfish, loves, through hardships, and the greatest love is to want the other person to be happy even if it kills you. But, I think I'm letting Go. For my love is true. My love is the love that would give its life for another. But, until I can get it back this way. With the Lords help, I will get through it.
Thanks so much to all who opened my eyes in my most difficult time.
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Vero,
It does say in the Bible that wives should submit to their husbands, and it says that husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the church and Christ gave his life for the church. It is good that you are asking whether your thinking is Christian or not. There is wisdom in the counsel of many, it is written.
You sound at least ten times more mature than this man from what you have said. And just because you are a new Christian does not mean that you are less than any of the rest of us. Look at what the disciples did for the church just a few years after meeting Jesus. Your family sounds endearing and the warm relationships you have with your family are indeed something to value and cherish. And I pray that as you grow in the Lord the love you have for God will bring your family closer to God. Being a Christian is much more than how often you go to church. Some of those frequent church goers are selfishly focused on their own holiness and their own sprirtual self improvement projects such that they forget or neglect all the really essential parts and God works great things through those who come before him knowing they truly need his grace and mercy.
I pray you will one day meet someone who will do the world for you as you said. It could be him but he has some serious growing up to do first. If you deny him the chance to grow up by letting his bad behavior continue with no consequences, then that is not love for him. His ticket to true happiness is not through you having a firmer body, or going to church X number of times per week or living X miles away from your mama ... God created woman because man needed a helper. What does that tell you about men? lol So God bless the women in our lives!
Bob S
It does say in the Bible that wives should submit to their husbands, and it says that husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the church and Christ gave his life for the church. It is good that you are asking whether your thinking is Christian or not. There is wisdom in the counsel of many, it is written.
You sound at least ten times more mature than this man from what you have said. And just because you are a new Christian does not mean that you are less than any of the rest of us. Look at what the disciples did for the church just a few years after meeting Jesus. Your family sounds endearing and the warm relationships you have with your family are indeed something to value and cherish. And I pray that as you grow in the Lord the love you have for God will bring your family closer to God. Being a Christian is much more than how often you go to church. Some of those frequent church goers are selfishly focused on their own holiness and their own sprirtual self improvement projects such that they forget or neglect all the really essential parts and God works great things through those who come before him knowing they truly need his grace and mercy.
I pray you will one day meet someone who will do the world for you as you said. It could be him but he has some serious growing up to do first. If you deny him the chance to grow up by letting his bad behavior continue with no consequences, then that is not love for him. His ticket to true happiness is not through you having a firmer body, or going to church X number of times per week or living X miles away from your mama ... God created woman because man needed a helper. What does that tell you about men? lol So God bless the women in our lives!
Bob S
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As you know I'm a new christian, I have understood the true meaning of God's words. I have accepted him in to my life and changed continuously trying to deny myself and not letting fear take a hold of me. So, in transition I had a lot of beliefs things that are deep in me that I thought I couldn't change. But, God is showing me otherwise as time goes by. There are things which now, I don't believe I can change.
I said I was a catholic, now I don't really claim to be one, though there is still some in me. I have tried to get my family to be more in Gods path, I got to admit that I sometimes take and go to church with them. I also go to the church where my fiancee goes to. So, this is part of the problem. Having a foot on 1 and on the other. But, if I'm to do this, I got to ask the Lord where he wants me. Not for my own convinience but, on me serving him. I like Julio's church but, I'm scared and it doesn't help that other are againsn't it specially if this are the ones at home. I know I'm at fault here. I know he is pushing me to go.
SO, Slowly I have notice I've begun to change. But, he wanted me to change it all in 1 day. I want to be sure and able to provide God the full me.
So, I'm being critized by those around me in every single direction. I have fear because of this.
I said I was a catholic, now I don't really claim to be one, though there is still some in me. I have tried to get my family to be more in Gods path, I got to admit that I sometimes take and go to church with them. I also go to the church where my fiancee goes to. So, this is part of the problem. Having a foot on 1 and on the other. But, if I'm to do this, I got to ask the Lord where he wants me. Not for my own convinience but, on me serving him. I like Julio's church but, I'm scared and it doesn't help that other are againsn't it specially if this are the ones at home. I know I'm at fault here. I know he is pushing me to go.
SO, Slowly I have notice I've begun to change. But, he wanted me to change it all in 1 day. I want to be sure and able to provide God the full me.
So, I'm being critized by those around me in every single direction. I have fear because of this.
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Lia
Be Thou My Vision
dear c_vero00,
I am glad that God shows you what kind a guy he is before you guys got a change to marry each other. It is an evidence of God's grace and kindness to you. He protects you so much so that someday when you found a guy who trully loves you, he will love you the way you are... not what you are going to be.
Pray that God will give you strength and place you in a church where you can grow your love and faith toward God, and be with other strong believers to encourage you as a new believer.
Do not fear, God will be with you along the way. Read the Bible and find comfort/strength in His words.
I know the circumstances must be hard for you. But don't let others criticism stop you from coming to the Lord.
I am glad that God shows you what kind a guy he is before you guys got a change to marry each other. It is an evidence of God's grace and kindness to you. He protects you so much so that someday when you found a guy who trully loves you, he will love you the way you are... not what you are going to be.
Pray that God will give you strength and place you in a church where you can grow your love and faith toward God, and be with other strong believers to encourage you as a new believer.
Do not fear, God will be with you along the way. Read the Bible and find comfort/strength in His words.
I know the circumstances must be hard for you. But don't let others criticism stop you from coming to the Lord.
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Dear c_vero00,
I have no fear about anything because the Lord is with you. Don't rush into any decision on this situation, wait on the Lord, i know it's very hard, but if you wait on Him, He will see through everything. Personally i have a marriage problem(much worse than yours), and it's involves another guy and i feel that happened because i could not wait. Praise The Lord for your are only engaged! I could def. say that He is watching over you and protecting you from even harder situation. Just pray and ask for Him to give you the strength and the power to wait, to give you wisdom and just to lead and guide in every single decision. By the way i'm a new believer too, and started to go to different church, i understand your situation with the family, but don't let them stop you from knowing Lord. Let the Lord guide you in where you should go.
I have no fear about anything because the Lord is with you. Don't rush into any decision on this situation, wait on the Lord, i know it's very hard, but if you wait on Him, He will see through everything. Personally i have a marriage problem(much worse than yours), and it's involves another guy and i feel that happened because i could not wait. Praise The Lord for your are only engaged! I could def. say that He is watching over you and protecting you from even harder situation. Just pray and ask for Him to give you the strength and the power to wait, to give you wisdom and just to lead and guide in every single decision. By the way i'm a new believer too, and started to go to different church, i understand your situation with the family, but don't let them stop you from knowing Lord. Let the Lord guide you in where you should go.
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vero I'm sorry and praying for you. You may want to consider doing some interpersonal work just for yourself. You are perfect in Christ's eyes, and have his unconditional love-- once you can really love for yourself, and develop the emotional intelligence to enforce healthy boundaries, you'll look back on these days as a really difficult learning experience.
From what you say, this man seems to use God as a weapon and excuse to justify his behavior. To me, you should stick up for yourself. Learn your emotional state, and find out what you stand for, and then stand up for yourself.
From what you say, this man seems to use God as a weapon and excuse to justify his behavior. To me, you should stick up for yourself. Learn your emotional state, and find out what you stand for, and then stand up for yourself.
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c_vero00 may you be comforted by these words...
Our Lord Jesus eagerly exhorts you to keep seeking Him first, ensuring He sits upon the Throne of your heart. Recognize His Love for you not only transcends all understanding, but also surpasses all other loves! Setting your love upon Him will make your spirit sprout wings, especially in the face of lonely seasons and trying times.
Jesus wants you to be assured, He is good, ever watching over you, delighting in your well-being and utter fulfillment! He be always with you and even more so when your heart is broken! As you hurt, so does He!
May these verses further encourage you Shelley in your relationship with Christ! J J
Genesis 15:1 Fear not I am thy shield, and thy exceeding great reward.
Deuteronomy 33:26-27 There is no one like the God of Jeshurun, who rides the heavens to help you, and in His excellency on the clouds. The eternal God is your refuge, And underneath are the everlasting arms
Psalm 34:18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 37:3-6 Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in Him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
Jeremiah 29:11-14 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD
Jeremiah 31:3 The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.
Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Ephesians 3:16-21 I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
Our Lord Jesus eagerly exhorts you to keep seeking Him first, ensuring He sits upon the Throne of your heart. Recognize His Love for you not only transcends all understanding, but also surpasses all other loves! Setting your love upon Him will make your spirit sprout wings, especially in the face of lonely seasons and trying times.
Jesus wants you to be assured, He is good, ever watching over you, delighting in your well-being and utter fulfillment! He be always with you and even more so when your heart is broken! As you hurt, so does He!
May these verses further encourage you Shelley in your relationship with Christ! J J
Genesis 15:1 Fear not I am thy shield, and thy exceeding great reward.
Deuteronomy 33:26-27 There is no one like the God of Jeshurun, who rides the heavens to help you, and in His excellency on the clouds. The eternal God is your refuge, And underneath are the everlasting arms
Psalm 34:18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 37:3-6 Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in Him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
Jeremiah 29:11-14 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD
Jeremiah 31:3 The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.
Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Ephesians 3:16-21 I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
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Seeking God's advice first I decided to ask my fiance what he was trying to tell me. Either he is breaking up with me or he is telling me there is something wrong and we need to improve. Whether he is giving this other person a chance in his life. To make it all short he said he does not wish nor has he ever initiated anything. He has told this other person that their relationship is as friends and he does not call her. She calls him once in a while. He seeked help from the Lord and that he is comitted to me. Why did I ask? because feelings come and go, you may find someone attractive, you may question if you have the right person by your side. But, like I found out love, is something we work at, trustful, and hopeful. It endures pain, it works at what you currently have. So, he is not seeking else where, he knows what he has and he wants to work on us. As I do.
But, surely like u all said, we are not at the point where marriage could have happened this year. So, I thank the lord for making us wait, so that we know each other. Plus, I personally think that there should be given credit for a man who wants to work at what he already has. Just thought I would remind him that there is always temptation but its a persons choise whether they let it happen.
I seeked refuge in the Lord, so my happiness comes from him. So, thanks for the support. I now am becomign involved at church. I feel like a heavy weight has been lifted and I'm rejoicing.
But, surely like u all said, we are not at the point where marriage could have happened this year. So, I thank the lord for making us wait, so that we know each other. Plus, I personally think that there should be given credit for a man who wants to work at what he already has. Just thought I would remind him that there is always temptation but its a persons choise whether they let it happen.
I seeked refuge in the Lord, so my happiness comes from him. So, thanks for the support. I now am becomign involved at church. I feel like a heavy weight has been lifted and I'm rejoicing.
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