hey all, i know from experience when i was suffering bad from the thoughts how down on yourself you can be because you are being accused of many things. all you want to do is return to God with your whole heart and not only are the thoughts trying to make you see Him in a bad light, they also try to make yourself feel down about who you are. sometimes i would question if i was good or evil, if i really believed these things, and it was so hard to love yourself. i encourage you all to believe the Word of God, over your feelings no matter how bad it seems. because we know that God is truth and greater is He that is in us than he that is in the world. the Bible said many are the afflictions of the righteous and while we may view ourselves far from righteous, the Bible says that the "just" shall walk by faith and not by sight. God loves us and we are precious in His eyes, and we continue to walk toward Him despite the obstacles thrown in our way, how we struggle to do right even when evil is all around us, and how we believe Him despite almost everything in the world trying to convice us that He never existed. i want you all to look how Jesus responded to the accusations in Mark 15:1-5. they accused Him of many things but He didn't feed into that. He only responded to the truth. some days we are called everything, whether internal or external, than a child of God and i know how hard it is not to put energy into these accusations but we mustnt. we have to believe that God knows our heart and while we're being targetted and hit with many things, we must trust God. as i was praying before i wrote this post, the Holy Spirit reminded me of John 13:3. Jesus didn't let His cirumstance get to Him because He knew that despite how it looked, 1. God had given Him what He had given and nothing (persecution, the devil, ect) could take that away. God has given us love, the power of the Holy Spirit, and many other promises that no sickness can take away. He also knew that 2. whose He was. when we are born again, we become children of God. believing on the name of Jesus, restores our fellowship with the Father. nobody, not these thoughts, the devil, the world should be able to convince us otherwise because we know that God would never lie. and being His comes with a lot of benefits =) Jesus also knew that 3. where He was going. its common that doing this trial, we doubt our salvation. we wonder how could we go to Heaven when things like this run in our head. but we must again turn to the Word of God, Jesus said that whoever believeth and is baptized shall br saved. we must believe that, walk that, and breathe that. God doesn't want us to question our salvation, but He gives us the right to know how it all ends -- we will win! i just wanted to encourage you all to press forward and believe God and not your feelings. just a year ago i was on the brink of destruction with us and now i have days where i don't even remember if i had a bad thought about Him. it is nothing i did, but God heals us all according to the season that He has designed. sometimes they come, but God has taught me through this experience that i must walk by faith and not by sight. when we begin to trust Him, despite what's pounding our heads, we will experience joy. there were some days i had set backs but even on the days where i was weak, God was still strong. i pray for you all my brothers and sisters, the children of the light, beloved of the most High God, and remember God is with us ! pray despite it all, praise despite it all, read the Word despite it all, fast despite it all, fellowship with the saints despite it all and continue to go to God despite it all. He is faithful and able, when has He ever failed ?