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Encouragement

Pilgrim1951

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This is from my private journal, I hope it will encourage someone:

May 12, 2005



Today, I feel better, more secure. I’m not sure what that means. Probably someone has prayed for me. Sometimes I’m afraid if I feel good or secure one day, I have compromised somewhere. It’s part of the “I can’t do anything right” syndrome. Whew. I am so tired of this confusion. How many times have I marched around Jericho, now, Lord? Have I even made it one time? I know You are working in me, but it just looks like a jumbled up mess right now. But, I know what You have said to me and promised me, so I choose to believe You and keep on marching. Of course, right at the moment, I am not feeling terrified, confused and alone. So, that’s ok, I will go ahead on the good days and proclaim my faith. On the bad days, I will just hang on for the ride with You, because I don’t have any idea where we are going. Yesterday was a confused, “hang on for the ride,” day. I want to get to a point where I can still say “I know what you have said to me and promised me, so I choose to believe You and keep on marching”, every day, not just the good days. I want to have this confidence in You even when my head and body and emotions are in total turmoil, when I can’t seem to form a coherent thought, when I am filled with fear and the results of fear, when everything in me is screaming, “you are stupid, ineffective, weak and selfish”, I want to be able to say, “yeah, that’s me, but with Christ Jesus living and breathing in me, it doesn’t matter what I am, it only matters what He is! And He has conquered sin - in the world and in me. I am confident that the work He has started in me, He is willing and able to finish, because before I loved Him, He already loved me. Even though I don’t see myself as a conqueror, He does see me that way. He has told me that I am more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus. He sees me covered by His blood, healed, whole, complete, identified with Him, more than a conqueror! Thank You, my precious Lord, thank you.

 

WeakButHopeful

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Thanks very much Pilgrim for sharing your journal entry. I sometimes think I am one of God's "thickest" children (maybe I make Peter look sharp? or at least so very dense when it comes to understanding and putting into practice what He has told me so many times in so many ways that it makes me sad). On my good days lately I've been trying to think of myself in the role of servant, as Christ often used in parables. In other words, a master does not tell the servant every morning everything he needs to know. The servant may be given a list of tasks but for everything else he must apply the rules he's been taught and strive to see that his master's interests are preserved and furthered. Nor does the servant despair because he does not know everything the master knows. The servant must assume that the master will either give him enough knowledge and authority to act, or else will forgive him if he acts in good faith based on his best judgment but errs because of lack of some piece of information.

This has helped me (I think) but I have certainly not become a great Christian, so I only offer it for what it's worth.

May God bless you and may you find joy in His service.
 
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