I just wanted to get this off my chest because maybe someone will understand where I'm coming from. It seemed like just a little while ago my life was going so perfect..and now it seems like it all fell apart..every aspect of my life that i thought would never happen to me..happened or the things i never thought I'd do..I did. And i can act normal and pretend like everythings ok but i would just be living a lie. I don't know where it all went wrong..and i guess i have nobody to blame but myself..and by all means i'm not blind to the fact that there are people and families in worse situations than me..and its unfortunete so i guess my life and some of the things i have to deal with are just unfortunete. but its not fair. i guess now you can say life isnt always fair..but i dont buy that. because i believe everyone writes their own future and i believe you can change those certain things that you strongly believe need to be changed...i think ever since my dad divorced my mom it started going wrong..our income got split in half..and obviously our family.. something that meant more to me than anything..and now i find myself living in a totally different state with my mom and brother..living with my grandpa..driving with friends that are younger than me who have their license and a car..especially being a teenager in the 21st century theres lots of pressure of growing up fast and getting things fast..unfortunetly even though i get my license soon i cant get a car..im never going to be like my rich friends and experience some of the luxuries they get to experience..and its like when my friends ask me why i cant go there or why i dont have this..i feel like i have to explain to them why..and it just reminds me..i always think to myself if it wasnt for my dad things would be so much easier..its hard to forgive him..and i think a part of me will always have some kind of anger towards him..i feel like i have a missing part of my heart and i cant live..i have this pain in me all the time that makes me want to cry..and i dont know what it is..but its running my life..i had a stage in my life recently where i was really depressed..and once again my friends would ask why..and i didn't know what to say..i would say its just everything..over all i have to think to myself maybe its because i dont have God..my whole life i was raised in a christian family and sometimes i still feel like i dont know who i am and what i believe..but i've always thought i had God..but i look back on my life..and i think how? i just dont know what to do..what to think...how to handle things..im just done..and i want to run away..or just scream..im going crazy inside and i dont know how i come off like everythings ok on the outside..as far as a reply..i dont know what im looking for..and mainly i just think i wanted to get it all out..i feel like i wrote a novel..so if you read this far..thank you for your time..and maybe you can help me somehow..